|Reviews for Bloodshedders|
| cud-b-better chapter 3 . 1/19/2015
Hm, seems a bit mysterious, the boy is definitely a closet psychopath (I feel). I'm a little confused by what happened when the girls came back and acted as though nothing had actually happened. I'm kind of curious as to who is the main character of this story, the girl who I thought it was is now a corpse after all. You've done a nice job in keeping me interested so well done there, the problems before are the same as I reviewed last time so I'll skip that. The main problem is you sometimes state the obvious, sometimes its best just to imply rather than out right confirm.
Anyway corrections/suggestions (Always take with a grain of salt):
The [frighten] Arina was covered in her own cold sweat. - [frightened]
Her eyes [were] opened wide - [omit out]
gaze upon her [for] any longer - [omit out]
all I saw was a girl [and she was] dead on the floor - [omit out]
Good job so far.
| cud-b-better chapter 2 . 1/18/2015
Not bad, the story quickly took a turn for the unusual. I'm wondering whether supernatural incidents are commonplace and knowledge there given how the three were talking about it the way they were. Kind of wondering regarding that creatures origin and just why it appeared all of a sudden, maybe her own delusion. Anyway on the technical side I felt that a lot of the sentences were a bit too passive and some of the dialogue a bit longwinded or awkward. But it was still very much readable.
Anyway just a few minor errors/suggestions that caught my eye, always take with a grain of salt:
[How] did the monster look like? - [What]
we've finally found something interesting to do [about] our boring lives - [with]
there were strange symbols on [the] blackboard - [add into sentence]
trying to make [of] what the writing - [out]