Reviews for Sasha
cud-b-better chapter 5 . 5/2/2015
Oh shucks, I was expecting a cat fight, sobs.

Corrections/suggestions:

shaking with [exitment] as I almost - [excitement]

fight and [didn't] deliver - your text didn't use '

I looked at the paper [and new] the street name - [I knew]
cud-b-better chapter 4 . 5/2/2015
Oh, is she going to put some bitchy people in their places, not that she hasn't half done so already. A good ending line for the chapter as well.

Slight typo think I noticed:
white [palm] palm tails - [omit]
cud-b-better chapter 3 . 5/2/2015
Wow, that was quick. I'm surprised she didn't get a yelling at for nonchalantly breaking someone's arm. Well I have no idea how martial arts teaching works. But the sadism has emerged.
cud-b-better chapter 2 . 4/23/2015
The short chapters make this story very easy to digest which is a good thing for someone with an attention span as short as mine. Well she made a friend but it seems she's the type that must be always entertained or else she discards them. Well I'm still expecting her to be insane or do something crazy if only to remove the grey aura.

Anyway a few errors/suggestions I picked up on:

at least twice [sense] sitting down. - [since]

no longer [exiting] the grey aura - [exciting]

and I was sure which one he was - which confirmed to me which one he was [original sentence reads a little awkward]

I [cold] tell. - [could]
cud-b-better chapter 1 . 4/23/2015
A girl going through what should be a traumatic experience but ends up turning broken, is that the birth of a psychopath? Nicely described, only thing which I think maybe better is changing male to man. When people look at another person they don't think they're male or female, they tend to go for man or woman, boy or girl etc (Well it's just a personal opinion and I could be wrong).
360pages chapter 2 . 2/28/2015
Hmm, maybe you should combine these together, one hand I like the easy to read nature. But there is no need to cut up what is about 3 chapters into 17, maybe 6 or 8 would be better with different listings.
360pages chapter 1 . 2/28/2015
I think you meant Preying rather than Praying near the start. Also an interesting start, mostly because we have such little context of what is happening. Wouldn't mind a little more to go off of, but at the same time these short chapters make for an easy read.
Lost Magic chapter 13 . 2/18/2015
Your characters voice is really coming into focus. Pacing seems pretty good so far. Now just to see what he ends up doing to solve this problem.

Only problems were a few small grammatical mistakes, but nothing that broke the flow of reading. .
ElectricNova chapter 9 . 2/6/2015
This has all been pretty good so far.

The opening chapter is really good at building up suspense and i want to know how it connects to what's going on in the present.

I can't wait for the proper Yandere stuff to start.
Lost Magic chapter 1 . 2/3/2015
I was looking for a quick break after a long chapter so I checked this out. Interesting premise. The opening chapter is good for drawing attention, especially the last few lines. Really gives it an ominous tone.

Only glaring problem I really noticed was this one line. “I realized a bunch of it started to spread around him and slowly crept towards me.”

It doesn't flow as well as the rest of the sentences around it. Beyond that though, I liked it. I'll have to keep an eye on this story. I don't see Yandere stories very often.
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