I really enjoyed this! I hope you do something more with the characters in the future.

Sorry this took so long. For a while, Fictionpress refused to let me send a review to any story and began flickering wildly when I tried so I grew frustrated and ended up just neglecting it and trying again today.
Anyway, I adore this story. The setting, the plot, the characters, whom I felt like I met... The "dark side" (literally) concept is exactly the type of twist I love in a fantasy oneshot.
It's an extremely well-written piece that intrigues me. I would love to hear more of your childhood fantasy world.
Great job!

Nice atmosphere - loved the shadow's attempted coup! I like a short that gives a glimpse into a much larger world without feeling the need to explain itself. Hope you write more of this world.
Couple of quick thoughts...
First, a spelling error - imminent, not immanent.
Second - and I hit this point with many stories - a girl is a female child. A woman is a female adult. You have a character that is introduced as a girl, described as looking 16, who proceeds to act as an independent adult and at last states that she is 20. I think this is an adult, and should be referred to as a young woman.
Third - great choice on the names - Hugh being mind or spirit and Amanda meaning loved. Was that deliberate, or a happy accident?

This piece was really good. I do enjoy high fantasy at any time. This feels like you have other stories ready in the making to add to this piece. Great work.

Wow. That escalated quickly. I have to admit, this feels like a small window into a huge world of wizards and magic. The war that Hugh was in but didn't kill anyone, it feels like I'm missing a piece of the puzzle and for me, that hurts this piece, because it's a great work on the nature of human duality.

Your grammar is solid and your dialogue feels very alive, I just wish you expanded this into something longer.

Best of luck!
M.C.

I think this may be the first story of yours that I've read! It did not disappoint; very delightful indeed. I envisioned everything so clearly in my mind, from the character descriptions, to the setting, to the use of magic. Burly men sitting in taverns drinking ale is my idea of a good time haha. I especially like how Amanda's shadow was a more beautiful version of comely self, yet it was her pretty part that did horrible dark things. Interesting twist. You say this is the first world you've created, I'd say revel in it. Nicely done. Good luck!

Very creative! Let me just say that I love high fantasy and this did not disappoint. I was hooked from the first few lines and my attention was held clear through. I think that this could easily be made into a full length story. It is there if you are willing to do it. Best of luck!

Nice work! How I am supposed to pick one?!

First off, the title gave me Dr. and Mr. Hyde feeling too it, but I do like the way you twisted it around, clever ; ) When the girl wanted Hugh (who at first I thought was a hit-man) to find her shadow, I thought I'd traveled to Neverland (especially when the shadow said the girl would put her back on with soap.)

I like the idea of a Seeker, especially since he HAS to Seek it. It would be interesting to see what would happen if he had to Seek for the enemy or something along those lines. I know that I'm rambling, but this story is so good I wish it was longer. Anyway, amazing story and I'm so glad to see that you're back.

Solid storytelling and accessible prose, but it definitely suffers from being so short. Your characters have clear voices and your setting has a whole lot going on in it, but this is a story that wants breathing room.

It's really good compressed. It would be even better expanded.

Nice references with the sewing and the soap, by the way.

Good setting, nice descriptions, very well written, and I don't see any faults worth mentioning. It feels to me more like a beginning to a longer story, but it works well enough as a one shot. Overall, I like it a lot. And there's not much else to be said.

This story was a delight to read. It ticked all the fantasy boxes - shadows, magic, and a rogue to boot. I like the way things were revealed bit by bit. At first she's just a girl. Then she's a w*****, then a p*******, and then a n********* (haha. Blocking out the actual words for the sake of not spoiling the story just made her seem super suspicious). Same with the whole concept of fetching.

Great stuff, Viper. A delight to read.

Augie