|Reviews for Your Alley Path|
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 8 . 7/6/2015
Okay~ the mage's ability was cool... what's next?
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 7 . 5/8/2015
(...you see something under the table, something t"rhat should be near the chair - quote)
t"rhat lol, don't know how you managed to do that.
The narrator is actually seeming to become an interesting... um, character? (Can I say the narrator is an official character?)
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 6 . 4/22/2015
That was a good first two lines after reading the end of the previous chapter.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 4 . 2/23/2015
I liked this chapter better than the rest. I see improvement, and the vagueness can actually be excused this time because 'Ayeston' has been here many many times before.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 3 . 2/23/2015
Interesting... but I feel as if the ring had the best description in this chapter.
The servant. What made her a servant? How do we identify them? How do we know? Do we see or notice something about her that could be of interest?
Mr. Morgan - We think he's a little older? How exactly do we see that he is older? We don't know, so show us!
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 2 . 2/23/2015
Their conversation is so vague I couldn't really get any information out of it, only that they spoke as if they'd been friends for years and understood everything I could not.
Spelling is good, but there is a few missed words in there.
| Chiisutofupuru chapter 1 . 2/23/2015
Okay, the whole narrator-thing didn't really make sense to me, even after re-reading it a few times. (Put it in brackets or something if it isn't part of the actual story maybe.)
After getting used to it I decided I liked the style, kind of. Aside from the fact you start almost every sentence with a 'You', 'You're' or 'The' as often as I used 'I'.
| LittleWickedOne chapter 1 . 2/10/2015
Hmm... okay, this is very interesting. This style is unique jarring, and I LIKE it, remember that. Interest factor is always key in a novel. However, it is also intensely confusing. The beginning of a book can always use a little temporary confusion, it keeps the reader in suspense, but this is a little much. Every sentence is so totally and utterly random and perplexing that it turns me off a little bit. It is confusing not simply in the sense that you are introducing a lot of totally random information at once (the old man, the box with holes, the friends, the city, the master, a house? You were the lucky one? The light? I cannot find a connection) but that your sentence structure is not leading smoothly from one thing to another, and you are not being clear. For instance, you say that "the narrator" is making his entrance, but you don't introduce him or add him to the story at all, and the story totally continues as normal. So confused! What did you mean by that sentence? The beginning concept, the path/alley/whatever, is very cool, but that entire concept in itself is enough mystery for this introduction. You really don't need to throw so much information at the reader! If you clarify this whole thing, though, I think you could have a really cool thing on your hands. Best of luck!