|Reviews for Are You Done with Me?|
| T.Rasa chapter 1 . 3/1/2015
An intriguing story, Serena. A bit slow for my taste, but then I'm not a romance person. :-) You've done an excellent job getting inside Addison's head, and the way she constantly direct her comments at the ex -who is such a cad that he doesn't even deserve a name (a nice touch) - really keep us focused on her feelings toward him.
It might just be reading it on my phone, but there's a number of parts of the dialogue that don't have lines between them, which makes it a bit hard to follow.
But overall, an interesting read.
| TanteLiz chapter 1 . 2/28/2015
I'll start with the proviso that contemporary romance is NOT my favorite genre - I prefer romance as a by-product, not as the key element. That being said, your intro had a lovely, bittersweet tone to it. I particularly liked the 'before I knew it' bit. Kudos, as well, for slamming out a coherent narrative with so many good elements in a very short period of time!
On my first re-read, I am stopped by the contrast between the way your main character describes the three years of the relationship with her erstwhile boyfriend and the revelations she makes later in the story of the signs of inequality in the relationship. I would like her to have come to that realization through her own insight, her own personal growth, rather than to be 'rescued' by the creepy bartender who slut-shames the other women in the bar and assures your main character that SHE isn't one of THEM - SHE isn't 'easy' - and that's why her boyfriend had so much 'trouble' with her. I would like her to have realized what an asshole the bartender was being as part of her epiphany of self-worth. Instead, she decides to go off with the twit while continuing to ascribe power to the image of her previous boyfriend watching her. Why is she asking him if he is done with her? Why isn't she asking herself?
And I feel like I have been writing this in my reviews all day today, but I'll say it once again: an adult female is a woman. A female child is a girl. Girls are children. Children do not go to college. I am headed directly to Labyrinth after I finish to spank you ALL over this!
| Master Chief chapter 1 . 2/26/2015
Romance. Romance. Romance. So far from my wheelhouse. Not in so much that I don't know how to review it, I don't know the conventions so I worry what I say will be out of place.
That said, Addison's journey seems very real. Her dialogue seems realistic. But I have to wonder, doesn't she have any girl friends? I also feel like this is just a jumping off point to another story telling the romance of Addison and Daniel. Sadly though, I didn't think Daniel gave a compelling enough argument for Addison to agree to meet up with him, although I think that could be fixed with a "I decided to take a chance on fate," to echo Daniel's words.
Anyway, I really enjoyed this. Best of luck in this month's contest!
| Emerald Viper chapter 1 . 2/25/2015
Generally speaking, I am not a fan of angst/romance. However, I think you captured your main character quite well in a way that many girls will probably relate to. I feel like the story lacks plot and resolution. While the introspection is necessary for the story, some more atmosphere will help us to understand where we are (the bar scene) and what is going on.
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 2/25/2015
You know, teen romance isn't really my genre. I started this not too enthused by all the heart-bearing and the struggling-to-recover-equilibrium drama.
I thought the find-him-en-flagrante bit was cliche, and I thought the bartender sounded like a pushy ass.
And then this line caught me.
"I think you have a made-up fantasy of what every girl should be without ever interacting with one."
Rarely have I seen a narrative execute so flawless a heel point turn.
Conversation is your strong suite. New relationships are your strong suite. You bring both of them to bear in the second act, and I liked it a whole lot more for that.
The ending did feel a little weak to me, mostly because of its unresolution, but I'm probably the last person in the world who should be nitpicking over that.
You've got a good thing here, and it won me over in spite of me. Best of luck in the contest. :)
| MileyRowling chapter 1 . 2/25/2015
Beautiful, Serena, dear! You are the queen of romance on our lovely forum!
| augie.toaste chapter 1 . 2/25/2015
Yes, you made it! It's the most heartfelt re-bound story I've read. And maybe rebound is an ill fitting cliche for what this is - this seems mature, tentative, hopeful. :) Some good messages in there about relationships.
Three weeks had pasted - passed
Wonder the roaring streets - wander (there's a couple other when you spell it with an 'o')
in front of a complete strange - stranger
I can not od so - do
| JustJazzyD chapter 1 . 2/24/2015
I read this so fast! I'm all about a romance story. This read with pure YA angst. A breakup gone sour and a young girl trying to pick up the pieces of her not so fragile heart. First off, Addison is a spit fire. And Daniel gives off a creepy vibe. He's flirting that thin line between being helpful and a borderline jerk. There were some spelling and grammar errors throughout that pop out. I would suggest going back to re-read it and cleaning it up. Also put some space between the differing dialogue sections. They tend to blur together in certain paragraphs. But I'll credit that to you trying to get your entry in before the deadline. :) The biggest one that popped out was the use of 'wonder/wondering' when you meant to say 'wander/wandering.' Anyhow, this story was full of a true emotion girls feel after being cheated on. Totally believable. My fave line, "Before I knew it, we were dating. Before I knew it, we were done." Yes! Captures the entire essence of this piece. Good luck!