|Reviews for The Potion|
| Ambler chapter 3 . 7/23/2015
At the end of chapter 3, drunken men encourage Frank off "to a fate worse than death" but that fate is never clearly revealed in the story, and that phrase is a little cliched. You might try something like, "I guess I'll go ask Frank what in the hell's going on," Wayne proclaimed, and the drunken crowd gave him a rousing round of clapping and cheering, not realizing they were saying their goodbyes." I would want the ending of the chapter to be ominous, but not to be so explicit about what's going to happen to him.
I do like how you use actions to provide descriptions of people, how they're feeling or what they're thinking. The infatuation potion idea is not new, but your story includes elements that make your telling interesting.
| Marina x Machina chapter 3 . 3/30/2015
Wow. This was really curious. You know, this reminds me of a one shot where the guy also gets a girl to fall in love with him using a gimmick, but it turns out she used one on him first.
| Marina x Machina chapter 2 . 3/30/2015
I love your writing style. I like how instead of focusing on physical features you gave Jane descriptions of how she acts, cold yet beautiful and alluring. And I like the transformation too. Keep up the good work!
| Marina x Machina chapter 1 . 3/9/2015
Very, very interesting. Maybe you should have the boy say he is going to visit "the wizard" to intrigue the reader at the beginning. Update soon!