Reviews for Cafe smiley
cardiff1984 chapter 3 . 3/28/2015
This looks like a really good chilling and dark story you have started. I wonder what the truth is behind the owners death? Can't wait to find out.
Pinkie Cake chapter 2 . 3/13/2015
Paradoxical Syndrome chapter 2 . 3/13/2015
This needs some editing and polishing, but either way i'm curious to see where you heading with this story.
ShakerBoxBandit chapter 1 . 3/12/2015
I feel like this chapter could be done in two sentences. For me it reads more like a general outline than a first chapter, and I think most of it is spent on details that don't need to be mentioned at all. I think if you get rid of the 'outline' format and focus more on what Jacob is feeling and thinking it would be easier for me to get through and want to keep reading. This seems like a story that might benefit from the 'show, don't tell' idea. I clicked on this because the description seemed really interesting, but it was, unfortunately, difficult for me to read.
Ninebits chapter 1 . 3/12/2015
Idea's OK I guess. I get that you're not done since there's only one chapter, but the run on sentances are like verbal diarreah. I can hardly follow it. Good Idea. Bad Execution. Keep working on it though. This has potential if you improve the grammar. :)