|Reviews for microsleep|
| alltheeagles chapter 2 . 9/11/2015
I like how well you flesh out the MC without actually describing him - I infer that he's in school, probably not under-age (unless he has a private stash of alcohol), not the responsible and forward-planning type.
I also like how his dilemma is perfectly clear without ever using the actual word to describe the problem - 'that little strip' speaks so much. However, I'm not so sure how the final sentence ties into this, or whether I don't get it simply because I've misinterpreted the plot (I assumed that she's pregnant, and by him).
| Ventracere chapter 2 . 9/10/2015
I liked the staccato-ness (that's not even a word, hahahaha) of the opening. It's short, but at the same time, it gives this a bit of a rhythm to the piece. Something else that I liked about the short way you opened and then began to branch out into longer sentences is that you showed that he wasn't a part of himself anymore. She had taken that away from him - that she's as part of him as much as he is of her.
Something else that I liked was how you made the topic seem trivial by starting out with something so light. Like skipping school and getting drunk and dealing with the hangover later. Those are things that happen in everyday life. You lull us into a bit of a false sense of security in doing so, haha, and hit us a bit harder with his feeling about her hidden in the analogy with the smoke packets. I also liked the imagery you have imbedded in the microfic. Again, it goes to show you don't waste words as you try to make it as poignant as possible.
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 9/9/2015
I like how you suggest the level of intimacy between them through the implied things: that they are in bed together (and that isn't unusual) and that she's fond enough of him to overlook his intrusion.
I also like how complete such a short piece is, plot-wise. There is conflict (hair tug - ow!) and climax (just move closer) and resolution (deal with it in the morning).
| Ventracere chapter 1 . 9/9/2015
Oh man, this was short, I guess that's why it's called a micro fic, huh.
Anyways, I liked how you didn't waste words, considering your constraints. You were able to create a miniature conflict with the small lock of hair. Something else I liked was the way you continued the idea of knots and locks throughout the piece. It gives something this short a sense of cohesiveness. I especially liked the words "noose" which then flowed to "lock", "strain", and "tug" which are all reflected in the piece. And the descriptions that you chose were also particularly poignant, because they stuck out to me. I loved "what noose dragged her from sleep" because it seems like the last thing a noose would do. IT's the noose that puts you to sleep - the imagery certainly worked in your favor.
Thanks for the read!
| deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 3/24/2015
Sometimes the wording seems kind of weird. For example, if he himself is sleeping, why qualify the hand as being asleep? And then the awakening is described as noose dragging her, which suggests a very violent awakening, and one in which she would have quickly figured out what was happening. Things like that made the reading and imagery feel mismatched to what was happening.
I have to say that she is much more patient than I would be about having her partner tugging her hair in their sleep. One of the things I really liked about the conflict, though, is that it's so simple that I think many readers (particularly women with long hair) will quickly identify with her, which can be really hard to accomplish in such a short piece. It really boosts how well the reader connects. :)