|Reviews for Mad Dragon Gamer|
| Chrof chapter 29 . 6/1/2016
I just finished all 29 chapters and I loved reading this story. I would really wish for you to continue this story it is enthralling.
| reddir chapter 29 . 12/25/2015
Heh, nice technique you have.
You took the situation of a cheat-fueled mechanic-grinding munchkin and turned it into a baby sleeping in a confessional in the space of 3 setences.
I'm in awe. It was helped by a child finding her, but you made that happen, so kudos.
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Nice that you had Blanche pay the price for munchkin'ing out.
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I hope you write more, either this story or others. Your style is fun and interesting.
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"a conjoint Revitalize"
"conjoined" maybe better. Or "dual Revitalize" perhaps.
| reddir chapter 28 . 12/25/2015
"tree full birds"
"tree full of birds"
| reddir chapter 27 . 12/25/2015
Hmm, where did Blanche see these other types of goblins? Did she go to the lookout tower? Did she go outside the temple doors and look around? Especially the chief, of whom there is only 1.
If she learns the above after she does the experimenting, maybe move this the paragraphs to that section.
And wow, seeing a baby pounding holes into corpses ... serious ick factor, maybe even horror.
The end...I guess the system really does have a sense of humor.
"with every stats increased"
"every stat" or "all stats"
"int spike around"
"Int spike of about"
"compared to every other that"
"compared to the others who"
"so as her mana Bullet."
Maybe: "so did her mana bullet."?
| reddir chapter 26 . 12/25/2015
I think I would be seriously freaked out, even if I was a magic user, if I saw a less than 2 year old baby take out 5 enemies like that.
But I guess children might not consider it too much. And maybe the priestess figures the goddess had a hand in it?
"Humans like goblins"
"Humans and goblins alike"
| reddir chapter 24 . 12/25/2015
That church/confessional...very cool idea. This is the first time I've seen it anywhere.
"maintain her smile."
Might be better as "maintain a smile."
"At least, she knew."
I think this is better without the comma.
"didn't go unnoticed Two"
You are missing a period here.
"Highest prayer might also work,"
"Highest prayer might be needed,"
should be: "wreaking havoc"
"village is doing his best,"
If more than 1 in the team, should be "its best," or "their best,".
If it is just 1 person, might change 'team' to 'defender' or similar.
"Well said," is the usual idiom. Or "Well spoken,".
| reddir chapter 23 . 12/25/2015
The children and their aspirations are cute :)
Also, darned negilgent deities!
"million of goblins"
"holding them as good as they can"
"holding them as well as they could"
"twenty-something years old"
"twenty-something year old"
"but that's all the more why"
"but that's all the more reason why"
"inside her shoes, it"
I think you don't need the comma here.
"arms while Noemi carried her to"
Might be better as: "arms being carried to"
| reddir chapter 22 . 12/25/2015
I've been enjoying this story so far. I just saw the request on your author page that we point out any language errors. I will do so from this chapter forward.
"Blanche simply stayed at the inn."
Maybe "Blanche stayed at the inn."; or "Blanche stayed back at the inn."
It wasn't simply staying there, as you have her practicing also.
"He concluded he dozed off"
"He concluded he had dozed off" or "He concluded he'd dozed off"; its a grammar issue.
"He picked up the sword very late, hence, having not much room for improvement."
Maybe: "Because he picked up the sword very late, he hadn't much room for improvement."; or "He picked up the sword very late and hadn't had much room for improvement."; or "He picked up the sword very late and therefore hadn't had much room for improvement."
Optionally, given what you write a few paragraphs later: "Having picked up the sword very late, he had not had much chance for improvement."
"essential in being an innkeeper"
Maybe: "essential to being an innkeeper"; or "essential for being an innkeeper"; or "essential to an innkeeper"; or even "required for being an innkeeper".
"treating that as being a hobby"
"treating it as being a hobby"
"but hundreds of goblins..."
"but hundreds of goblins might give enough."
"raising the odds of one or two"
"raising the odds by one or two"
"that was Uncolored Meditation lv1."
Might be better to put the 'lv1' in italics, instead of the skill name. It is the level you are wanting to emphasize here.
"Jay and Julie went back to the inn. With"
Maybe "Jay and Julie returned to the inn with"
Not being able to cut/paste what you wrote is making this unnecessarily annoying. Why does FictionPress do this? It makes it very difficult to easily offer corrections for long sentences.
| reddir chapter 5 . 12/25/2015
This feels like Ryogi/Blanche is finally coming alive. The previous chapters were okay, but this one seems like the real start.
Will be interesting - keeping Clairvoyance Eyes would result in great insight to her world.
| Guest chapter 1 . 12/21/2015
LOVD THE STORY X3 PLEASE CONTINUE SUCH AWESOMENESS :D
| kayy11 chapter 29 . 11/23/2015
Heeyyyyyy your story is greatttttt! Pliz update faster! Please nd thank you
| koyama chapter 27 . 11/5/2015
*lol* i'd say this was a bad decision. but well, not only a gamer would push the yes button. everybody with a bit of curiosity would do it including myself *laugh*.
p.s.: with the hope of a new chapter regularly *hinthint*.
| Guest chapter 23 . 10/13/2015
Please update! I love this story
| Bikkhu chapter 22 . 9/22/2015
Your work is superb, you made me sign up so I could write you. (after a few years on Fictionpress as a guest). There is really few stories where is not someone (usually main hero) who behave like idiot to make plot going. In your story everyone behaves believably (in the limits of setup), the story is fun and really inventive. I very much like it. Now I can make it my favorite at last :-))
I don't have any writing advice though, as I am not a writer nor English speaker.
| Benji chapter 20 . 9/11/2015
This story is actually really awesome not sure why it has received so little interest. Keep up the good work. I hope to see another chapter soon.