"Anyone who's looking for a diagnosed pre-Alzheimer's almost 100 year old man."

"Yes it is, Dad."

That's a cute story your daughter told. She'll probably grow to be a writer like her dear old dad!

"And I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Because you were choking on something!" "Oh. Well thank you. Now turn the TV back on!"

Honesty is the best policy as they say.

What pray tell was the very expensive gift? Since it was a very big box, it had to be a very big gift!

Is it wrong that I laughed at this? *nods*

Me neither, but to be on the safe side-*locks doors and windows so I don't escape*

That way his cholesterol can be high as the sky too.

Your life sounds like an episode of Seinfeld.

And will continue to be for many years to come.

Did your friend get hurt badly or worse?

Captain Obvious ladies and gentlemen!

Your father is a wise man.