|Reviews for The Chains That Bind|
| alltheeagles chapter 18 . 7/13/2016
I love the upbeat tone of this chapter. Yay, the orcs are in the story again! Okay, so now it looks like we actually have a three-cornered fight, now that I'm taking a bird's-eye view of everything. The humans under Siegfried, the elves under Mael and the miscellaneous under Kol and the captain. BTW I'm reminded of the war in Narnia when I imagine Kol's army, the one with the magical beings all lined up on both sides. I said in the last chp that I support the elves, but hmm, maybe I should be with Kol's crew? The thing is, they all seem to think that fighting is the only solution, for all that Kol wants the fighting to stop. It's such an irony, and kind of mind-bending.
| alltheeagles chapter 17 . 7/10/2016
I haven't really chosen a side yet until this point but now with the portrayal of the elves as defenders of nature I'm inclined to support them more than the polluting humans. I'm not a tree-hugger as you call them, but I do care about what we do to our environment and what we're leaving behind for future generations, so yeah... I'm with the elves for now.
The magic plotpoint is getting more and more complicated, but don't worry, I don't mean that in a frustrated way. I'm just going to try to piece everything together...
| alltheeagles chapter 16 . 7/10/2016
It's getting even harder for me to work out a connection between the captain and Siegfried. *Sigh* Maybe they're not connected at all, I guess, and I'm reading too much between the lines. So this turns out to be a lovers' (Mael and Siefried) spat to the nth degree? That's rather sad, that so many lives were lost because of them.
Some typos/suggestions: that should be a comma after ...direct his anger to
She alone ruled the elves on the island (instead of Her elves on the island she ruled)
Prepare the island AGAINST invasion?
| alltheeagles chapter 15 . 7/9/2016
I'm upset that EVERYONE is fighting And I'm starting to like Siegfried less and less. Ok, I know he has his reasons for not helping the dwarves, going against the elves etc etc but right now he seems to be the chief warmonger. I suppose he's the most easily manipulated (by the plant man) - which doesn't say much about humans' intelligence, does it?
I have a burning question now: how is Siegfried connected to the captain?
| alltheeagles chapter 14 . 7/8/2016
The plant man shows his hand huh... I feel so sad that such a strong relationship could be so easily broken apart - essentially by peer pressure. But I do admit that it's hard to stand up for oneself when everyone around is urging you to do something else. I was glad, though, that they had one last night of togetherness before everything fell apart. Hmm... I wonder... is there any 'product' from that? Like a certain half-elf girl named... Caewen?
Typo: should our navy will surround - remove should or will
| alltheeagles chapter 13 . 7/7/2016
I was just about to ask why there's so little magic in this world that you created when you answered my question! Haha... we must be developing telepathy. The examples of the effects of the disappearing magic are spot-on, and illustrate clearly how important a part it used to play in this world to every species. Is this, then, the source of the bitter rivalry between elves and humans? Sure sounds like it! But then... Hmm... there's that plant-man guy. How's he doing that if there's no magic left in the world?
| alltheeagles chapter 12 . 7/5/2016
What a powerful message there is in this chapter. People will fight blindly just because it's the 'right' thing to do, even when it makes no sense to do so. That bit with the human turning on elf and vice versa when just minutes ago they'd been close companions - that really got to me, simply because it could happen just as easily in our society. I hope things never get that bad!
I have a new idea for Kol's forces - the Peace Corps, or 'Peacers' they could be called. Incidentally, is this the same group of people as those mentioned in the chapter about the pirates? If yes then I'm pleased cause I put two of the puzzle pieces together! Then you can call them the 'Peace Coalition'!
| alltheeagles chapter 11 . 7/5/2016
Oh, so THAT's who Kol is! He reminds me of Ali Baba somehow. Thief turned ruler. You used the same technique here, which is A-OK, but I could also suggest another similar approach - have Kol walk through the city, and various things and people he encounters will remind him of the origins of the city, which achieves the same effect of giving backstory without an info dump.
Now that I think about it, it's so true that the Captain brings death wherever he goes. Like the Grim Reaper *shivers*
One tiny thing needs fixing: 'Unlikely traitor'. Maybe 'Unlikely! Traitor!'... or 'You are most likely a traitor!'
| alltheeagles chapter 10 . 7/4/2016
That's a clever way of inserting backstory - through a character's thoughts and musings. And having a more or less neutral party (the pirates) helps make the conflict more complex and interesting. However, I think 'Resistance' might not be the best term to use because there isn't really a monopoly or tyranny to resist. Maybe something like 'Coalition' would work better, since this force is made up of many different species.
Typo: There should be a comma between 'We will' and 'trust me'
| alltheeagles chapter 9 . 7/4/2016
I'm pretty confused right now by the time-hopping and characters. Is this correct?
Ok, in the present: Captain and Caewen, his mixed-bag of monsters and Kol. In the past: Sigfried and Mael and an old man who controls plants. What about Lorien? Is she connected to Sigfried somehow, or just a backstory for the captain?
The two timelines was ok in the earlier chapter, but here it's rather hard to work out. Maybe using some italics would help? Or rewriting some bits as 'pure' flashbacks, ie with past perfect sentences.
| alltheeagles chapter 8 . 7/4/2016
It's easy to condemn the humans for being prejudiced and violent towards the monsters, but on the other hand they're just following orders and believing what they've been told all their lives. I think you could play up this angle more, the way you did in Fur and Silver where you showed both sides of the story. It's a complex situation, sure, and inevitably both sides would have their own opinions and motivations. Letting readers make their own decisions on who's right or wrong is more interesting than a clearcut black and white good and evil set-up.
| alltheeagles chapter 7 . 7/4/2016
Who's Kol again? Maybe it'd be a good idea to give a little reminder if a character was introduced way back and hasn't been mentioned for a while, especially for this piece which jumps back and forth between past and present with many characters.
I like your content, as I said earlier, but I feel here that you're cutting corners a little, because (1) you haven't really explained the cause for the war and (2) the mage, werewolves etc are too quick to agree when Kol didn't even explain what his grand plan for intervention is. I think you need to slow down a little and cover these details to make things more believable.
| alltheeagles chapter 6 . 7/1/2016
Your version of elves is not the live-forever, super-strong/wise kind that's the most popular. That's fine with me, because it's a good explanation for their decline (no other reason is given so far). However, I think then you need to differentiate them somehow from humans or else they'd be just humans with pointy ears, and they'd be fighting over something equivalent to skin or eye colour.
In terms of continuity, everything is flowing nicely, and I'm guessing we'll be learning about how the captain came to be connected to the orcs in the next chp after his rescue of the captives.
| alltheeagles chapter 5 . 7/1/2016
Ah, now I see how the chapters fit together. Good plotting! Great idea as well to have the 'present' narration in italics interspersed with the 'past' tale. The interaction between Lorien and the Captain is so cute and sweet. And we learn the significance of the guitar!
The only thing that I didn't like very much was the Captain's dialogue or rather the narration. It just sounds too modern somehow - I dunno why, but I feel that words like 'guy' and 'hang around' just don't fit in with elves and orcs.
| alltheeagles chapter 4 . 7/1/2016
Oops, it was just a guitar after all...
Would it be weird if I said I think the orcs are cute? They're so well-meaning. Obviously this captain is no ordinary person to have gathered such a gang. The content just gets more and more interesting. And ahhhh, the romance kicks in. A lost love? (Cause of the 'was' and 'loved') And could Caewen possibly be the replacement? Woo hoo!
Some suggestions: 'carcasses' instead of 'corpses' because the latter has a very negative connotation and you don't want that to be associated with the Orcs, right?