Great execution, as always. B)

But yeah, this was really well done, even though the character limit forced you to cut a lot of things out. I could really get a good sense of the High Priestess's character without ever meeting her just from the few comments that Lofae and the mordespawn exchanged about her. My favorite part was when Lofae just threw apricots at the mordespawn with no warning at all. (I have a soft spot for food, I guess)

I love stories from the perspective of "bad" characters. The narrator is certainly a nasty piece of work, but her cold logic and conviction make her interesting and believable.

I've been saying this to everyone this time around (it seems like) but I also feel that this story could be a lot longer. Blindsight is a fascinating concept, but I wish we had a little more sense of exactly what Lofae is. Body snatcher?

The idea of wasting spells makes me think of D&D, and the world seems a little "Underdark" and a little "Cthulu" which I suspect is intentional. The hyphen where the priestesses run into the mordespawn is disconcerting to me, although that's just a nitpick. A couple places early on where your tenses need to be double-checked, but really good overall.

I enjoyed reading this immensely. I'll definitely have to read Manifesto after this. Lofae is certainly an interesting dark and twisted creature. I can see her being very fun to write. I'd love to know more about her. Your depiction of her relationship with Wolfram felt genuine. Great work.

Oh! Oh oh oh! Red!

*reads furiously*

I'd thought you were mostly done with this cast of characters? Clearly I missed some fiction.

Lofae has a good, strong narrative voice and the piece feels very noir, which is actually rather refreshing for such an unabashedly Greyhawk-y sort of setting. I'm used to seeing fantasy noir, and I'm used to seeing DnDish gameified fantasy, but the two together are sort of this delicious peanut-butter-and-neutella sandwich of indulgence.

And speaking of noir, I can really feel the "toned down to a T rating" vibe in this story. Some pieces want to be dark, or bloody, or challenging, and it's a shame to rein them back in for the sake of an unseen censor. I was reading Otherland and Game of Thrones as a teenager. For me, those are teen books.

By the way, there is so much implied world design here and I love it all. Every creature that you name in passing and then never describe is like a little song of joy to the Solemn Coyote School of Writing Enthusiastically, Beholden to No Man. I also really love 'scurry pool' for 'scrying pool.'

Only grammar nitpick I could find: "Something hot and wet drip on my head." Dripped.

Overall, I really like this. It's like RA Salvatore if he actually understood what the emotional core of a story was, or how to write characters that were cool for who they were, not what they could do. The places where content was cut or toned down do show, and that's probably my biggest critique, but I'd love to see more of these characters. Red and Lofae are a potentially great pair, and they could easily headline the plot of a novel.

Ah, it's good to see Lofae again. She goes to some dark places, but it's usually just psychological, so it's good fun to see her going somewhere physically dark as well.

This is a good fun romp, even into the depths of hell. Lofae has a distinct voice that comes through great, and the action is well-paced and hectic. I got a bit muddled around when she stabbed the mordespawn. The ritual dagger's power-sucking made sense later on, so it works retroactively, but not quite so much in the moment.

Overall though, a great story. Red's still kicking, in some way, and it's intriguing to watch the evolution of this new being, part Lofae, part Red. Rofae. Led. Whatever, it's all good. :)

Also, "breathe in and taste the sound of screams" - amazing.

Very cool story, Augie! I'm in accord with you about first person stuff, but you pulled it off well. I loved how it felt like I was an action RPG on the page - run and gun spell casting FTW. I also liked the interweaving flashbacks. It was a little unclear as to why Red/Lofae was going after the priestess (was it just revenge?) nor were the stakes particularly clear. Would love to see more from this world and more of Red's story.

M.C.

Wow - SO glad you finished this! Now I'll have to go back and re-read Manifesto, which I remember being very impressed by.
The sense of urgency and momentum here is very clear; it has the feel of one long camera shot. The misty interconnectedness of Red and Lofae is what sticks with me - the infusion of one set of memories, one set of values with the other. Love it.