|Reviews for A Railway Tour of the Western Provinces|
| Douglas-Writes chapter 1 . 5/10/2015
I love the way you didn't directly name the place that the train was passing through, and instead hinted at what it was. The use of the labels of natives and immigrants was interesting, and the sulfurous air that filled the train room too.
You're so good at giving just enough information for the reader to understand what's happening to the main character, and what they're going to go through in the future.
Kind of had me wondering what their relationship to the owner of the jawbone was though.
| T.Rasa chapter 1 . 5/1/2015
Beautiful and eerie, with a wonderful flow and atmosphere. Very nice. I echo earlier comments that there's a lack of stakes and connection here, but what we have is mysterious and mesmerising, so it does capture a certain haunting strangeness and evokes this in the reader themselves. I'd like to understand the why a bit more, but I'm dazzled by the what and the how.
| Un-Ended Tales chapter 1 . 4/30/2015
I love the feeling I got from reading your story. Wistful and melancholic. Perhaps it could use more explanation, but I quite like it as it is. The lack of complete certainty as to what is happening, at least for me, really adds to the whole detached feeling of this piece. As well as the fact that there is no dialogue. There's almost a calmness to it. A kind of silence filled with stories of those other people that we'll never know, but we can feel all the same. A beautiful piece of writing. Well done.
| TanteLiz chapter 1 . 4/27/2015
I lack words for this. The jawbone - the instrument of vengeance, and of change - the blood that infuses and binds - I feel the lurch as my citizenship changes. Stunningly tonal, surreal and elegant, the total lack of dialogue flickers by in a half light, in a blur.
Brilliant. I want to read this drunk.
| Emerald Viper chapter 1 . 4/23/2015
Delightfully creepy. This is a nice little piece. There are a few places where I'm not entirely sure what is going on, mostly at the beginning. For some reason I envision this train looking a little bit like the one in Miyazaki's "Spirited Away", filled with insubstantial shadows. I really want to know more about the place you've started describing and your narrator's dilemma, but alas - word count! The jawbone sticks with me. Of all the things to toss overboard...
| Master Chief chapter 1 . 4/23/2015
This is a beautifully done piece. Your language and word choices have a flow to it that make you want to get lost in them.
That said, I had a hard time connecting with the protagonist. It was clear they wanted to jump the train, but it wasn't mentioned why that was so important to them. There were no real stakes either, and I feel like if those things introduced would make this piece even stronger.
| augie.toaste chapter 1 . 4/22/2015
So this is what your brain thinks up three hours before you go to sleep. :)
As always, your writing is lovely my dear. Your descriptions are always evocative (favourite phrase: It's time that's bruised, not me), and word choices never fail to have a satisfying mouth feel (favourite word: trundles).
I wonder if the story needs some anchoring. It would be great to get more of a sense of the character's motives, and the significance of boarding the train and throwing part of yourself out.