|Reviews for Like Father, Like Son|
| Cynthia M chapter 1 . 5/4/2015
I thought this was an interesting poem - quite original. None of the mere seventy-eight words you used seemed to be put to waste and each stanza held its own amongst the others. That being said, I like how you gave each new idea (new similarity may be a better word here, to describe the "like this, like that" theme you have going) a new stanza. It gave focus to each one, individually - focus that may have been lost if you had decided to structure the poem differently; for instance, if you had decided to make this a twelve line, one stanza poem. So I applaud your choice of structure; bravo.
The poem itself was generally well written. There are a few things I would like to point out, however, in an attempt to be helpful:
Stanza 1) Did you mean to write 'he' instead of the first 'she' in the second line? I only ask because the trend in your poem seems to be that the fist person you refer to does something, then the second person does something similar. So since you addressed the son as the second person in the first stanza, if I got the trend right, he should do something similar to what his father does in the previous line.
Stanza 2) She's she is... Not she has. It's a common mistake for native English speakers so no worries. Just a note.
Stanza 3) Drown here should be drowned, unless you meant to put a 'had' in front of 'drown' to change it to past historic tense... However, that's usually only done for something that happened way in the past... So that would mean he drowned out the only light in his life before his sister never saw the light of day and I think that'd be untrue in this case... So go for 'he drowned' to be grammatically correct.
That is all.
I loved the ending by the way! :)
Keep writing! Don't let my grammar Nazi ways discourage you, haha. I hope you found what I said helpful and you'll just take it as encouragement to work on tenses and write more!
| SoullessHeart chapter 1 . 5/4/2015
Beautiful. Looking forward to hear more of your writing. I love it when writers expose the truth of the world. Loved it!