Reviews for Our Secret
KarasunoFan chapter 10 . 6/24/2016
Oh, I have missed this story. Glad to see you have updated.
Looking forward to her reunion with Hugh.
BunnyChoi chapter 30 . 3/10/2016
My last review for this wonderful story. T-T

Thank you for writing such a wonderful story. As a reader it took me on a fantastic adventure. :)

A truly beautiful piece.

I'm so happy that Hugh and Rozalee have a happy ending. With everything that happened throughout their lives, they certainly deserve it.

I'm sad that Henry passed away, but his illness does explain his desire to find a successor.

Great work, a very memorable piece. When it get published I'm buying it! :)

Take care!

~BunnyChoi
BunnyChoi chapter 29 . 3/10/2016
Well that escalated quickly! :O

YESSSSSS! Finally! I'm so happy I could cry! I'm glad everything worked out between them! :D

Happy ending for the win!

Only thing I'd suggest is taking out the word 'wiggle' during their naughty scene. The reader is getting this intense, passionate scene and then when you read 'wiggle' it kinda dims the scene down (I giggled, twice). I suggest using another word.

Other than that, great work dear!
BunnyChoi chapter 28 . 3/10/2016
My heart is breaking, poor Hugh! It just seems that he is falling into a downward spiral. I hate that he decided to run away, but I can understand his feelings. Although it is unfair to those who love him.

Love seeing Rozalee being a little bad ass in this chapter! It's a nice surprise.

Only thing I think you need to change is him saying he raped her. I think 'assaulted' would be a better word to describe the scenario.

Only a few more chapters to go! :)
BunnyChoi chapter 27 . 3/10/2016
Another chapter full of suspense and drama! Oh wow!

Reading about Henry's plans was a nice twist! What a surprise! This story has a lot of nice twists and turns. Love it! ;)

Yes! I'm happy to see Luke make an appearance! I felt like his story was left unfinished, so I'm glad you brought him back. It adds more to the drama.

"Moments are fleeting..." I love this line. :)

Great job! Can't wait for more!

~BunnyChoi
BunnyChoi chapter 26 . 3/10/2016
Ow wow! :O

This chapter was so intense! Seeing his reaction to her saying she was leaving broke my heart! I teared up, not going to lie.

Reading the comparison of how he used to be and him now was a great addition. It lets the reader see how much he changed over time.

I was totally shocked to find out that he slept with Ana! Although, I kinda figured something like that happened before between them. I know it awhile ago, but I still got mad that it wasn't with Rozalee (I kept screaming "NO HUGH BELONGS TO ROZALEE!). Haha. :p

Overall, this chapter gave a roller coaster of emotions. Good job!

~BunnyChoi
BunnyChoi chapter 25 . 3/10/2016
Hello! :)

This was a cute chapter! You definitely brought the romance in this piece. I loved the interactions between Rozalee and Hugh; the chemistry is wonderful between them.

I enjoyed reading the scene where he bought her jewelry. It was cliche, but it worked in your favor. The scene sort of reminded me of "Pretty Woman". Loved it!

Oh and the strawberry scene! So adorable!

Great job! :)

~BunnyChoi
BunnyChoi chapter 24 . 3/8/2016
Hello! :)

Oh oh oh! What's this? Something is going on between Henry and Rozalee? I've got an uneasy feeling!

Well shoot! Knew Hugh was going to stop his actions, he is a good guy after all. Still though, him fighting his desires this long almost seems godlike. Haha.

Looking forward to the next chapter dear! Keep up the good work!

~BunnyChoi
Victoria Best chapter 9 . 3/4/2016
Hello!

Taken me a while to return your review, really sorry! I've been focusing on my new story :)

Okay, here's what I think!

I loved the conversations. Both felt natural and I liked seeing some more information about Hugh's past, and the development in their relationship. You are doing a great job with developing this gradually and naturally. Good stuff :)

My main issue was Hugh seemingly being intoxicated. Was he? I wasn't sure, but by the way you were describing his strange movements and then when he slowly comes to his senses, it made me think he was drunk. There is no, no, no way he would get drunk at a student party; any of the students could have seen him, reported him and got him fired. Plus, Hugh is smart, and that behaviour is very much a dumb thing to do; I just can't imagine him doing that, very out of character. He might have had a few drinks, felt a little tipsy maybe, and that's it. No more than that. If he wasn't drunk, then I apologise, but definitely go through and tone down the stuff that suggests it.

Secondly, would he put his arm around her? Again, very bold move; he's surrounded by students, anyone could have walked out of the party and seen. Definitely remove. I liked the hand holding, I think that wasn't too unrealistic.

"Wouldn't be able to hear his own voice." Should be "wasn't."

"Turning reality into oblivion." I don't like this sentence, because it is a sweeping 'generalisation' implying that everyone in the room was 'turning reality into oblivion' when the majority would probably be feeling a little shy, little awkward, or just having a bit of fun. Not necessarily feeling that extreme.

"Things almost seemed." Don't use the word 'things.'

We get a paragraph about what she's wearing, but I'm wondering, is that relevant? And again, there just needs to be so much more than just the colours. Texture, shape, style. You tend to this and I'm not sure it's working in building real descriptions.

And I think you said the word black too many times in that sentence, also :) only once is fine.

"Felt bad and wish he had." Should be 'wished.'

And that's it! Just some ideas there to think about. Keep writing! And I hope to be reading some more soon!
ignicaeli chapter 1 . 2/29/2016
Interesting chapter, nothing much happened externally, but it was a nice trip through the professor's inner turmoil.

Still, the whole thing revolves around the uncertainty of not knowing the sender of a message. A problem so easily solvable, that made me wonder if the character have some psychopathology ongoing...

Anyway, an intriguing chapter.
Guess I'll have to keep reading and see if the guy is a bit mad or not...
SForces chapter 2 . 2/24/2016
The chapter is pretty good, there are a lot of things I did notice as I read it.

In the beginning of the chapter you stated it was fall yet compared it to a spring breeze which was kind of confusing. Then later on in the chapter on the same day you said the wind was "A cold fall wind" which adds to that confusion.

The other thing that I noticed is you seem to abuse "," a lot. I like to think of commas as brief pauses and sentence connectors. When they are used correctly they can make sentences flow very nicely and make a work easy to read. When they are used too often, or not used correctly, they can make the reader stumble across what he is reading.

Examples:

-Mr. Colin, he just lacked the patience some of the time, if not most.

The commas just don't work in this sentence.

-Mr. Colin lacked patience some, if not most, of the time.

If flows better, plus saying Mr. Colin and then referencing him again with "he" immediately after just doesn't work.

-Several yards away on the second floor of the school library, a dark figure in a dark hoodie, with the hood on, and jeans sat on the windowsill reading.

You are trying way too hard to put too much detail in this sentence. Imagine that the reader will take a breath between each sentence, if the sentence is too long they will definitely notice and it just won't do well for your story. Not only that but this sentence could be written differently to make it flow a lot more nicely.

-A dark hooded figure wearing jeans sat reading on the second floor library's windowsill.

I also noticed you used "-" quite a bit in the beginning of this chapter. A "-" is to indicate an interruption, but using it too often results in a stuttering story. There are many places where you used "-" where a "," would have been much more appropriate. Read this chapter with the "-" out loud to somebody and it may sound much more obvious.

This story has a lot of potential. I would work on your comma usage because, at least to me, it stands out like a sore thumb.
SForces chapter 1 . 2/24/2016
I want to start by saying I'm not used to reading Romance Drama type books. That being said this prologue seemed to follow really well. The imagery was great, the tone seemed appropriate. You also created some questions to think about which gave a reason for the reader to keep reading. There were a couple typos, not really a big deal, and some unnecessary repetition.

A second though - A second thought*
As he gaze - As he gazed*
Univeristy -university
Professor -professor

Then there was a sentence where you were talking about a man on a ladder putting books away. The next sentence you repeat yourself by telling us the man is on the ladder putting books away. The reader already sees what the man is doing, so it is unnecessary to repeat it.
BunnyChoi chapter 23 . 2/19/2016
Oh my god, oh my god! :fan girl scream:

Love the ending! I reread it a few times, not gonna lie. The connection and chemistry between the two made it seem so natural and realistic.

It seems that Hugh has finally hit his limit, but will he be able to stop himself? I can't wait to see what happens next!

And nooooo Rozalee can't leave him! My heart is breaking. :(

Great chapter Hun! It's both steamy and visually appealing! Love it!

~BunnyChoi
BunnyChoi chapter 22 . 2/18/2016
Hello!

Although this chapter is short, it was a pleasant read. That massage scene,whew! :fans face:

Not going to lie, I was kinda screaming at Hugh to kiss her; can't help it, love the romance between them. Heehee. xD

I feel like Hugh is completely against the edge now, if she gives him anymore advances, I'm sure he'll snap. Can't wait to see how he'll react to Rozalee in the next chapters!

Lovely piece! Keep writing!

~BunnyChoi
BunnyChoi chapter 21 . 2/18/2016
Hello! :)

Oh snap, oh snap! What is this!? Are Henry and Vic plotting against Hugh? How interesting!

This chapter brought tears to my eyes. Reading Rozalee's grief and anguish completely overwhelmed me. It was raw and very realistic. Great job with that scene!

Another wonderful chapter, nothing needs to be changed from what I can see!

On to the next chapter!

~BunnyChoi
42 | Page 1 .. Last Next »