|Reviews for Flames|
| ElvenValar chapter 1 . 5/20/2015
| Zukafu Chiriamoto chapter 1 . 5/16/2015
I am wholly captivated to find out how this story will advance and I look forward to seeing more.
The conception is intriguing premise indeed, keeping allure and interest aplenty. The detail to the history - with the Great Eternal Flame, the Twin Flames and the birth of the two feuding kingdoms complete with two half-brother princes that are going to eventual war against each other. I also absolutely adore the reasoning behind the name given to the world of the Twin Flames; incredibly beautiful and very clever.
My only critiques are two things that can be smoothed over and then easily avoided in the future. There are a few errors in grammar - such as a few mistypes (it rather than its, though rather than thought), missing/confused punctuation (there is a line said by the King, as he gives the letter addressed to Zelesht to Vorash, that is split into two different lines which didn't seem right to me). These are just little things and no one is perfect but I feel that it is handy to point these out regardless. The other is the sense of order. With non-chronological pieces it can be difficult to keep this sense of time clear for the readers. I personally felt that at points the tense was confused so maybe this is sometime to later review. I also found that there didn't seem to be a clear distinction between the 12 year old Vorash at the party with Delnosh and the talk between Zelesht and Delnosh then following events of the King's death. This confused me greatly however, this all said, it may just be something I missed. Again, something I felt I should note to help out such an enthusiastic writer.
Hopefully this has provided both a bit of a pick-me-up and some helpful support, even if it's overwhelming long for a humble review. Nonetheless, look forward to reading more!