|Reviews for Solaris|
| StarryNight101 chapter 1 . 6/7/2015
This is Cora from the fanfiction group.
I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I like the way your dialogue flows, it feels realistic and engaging. I like how the story opens with the banter between Zoe and Holly, it sets a nice pace for the story. The characters are interesting, the supernatural twist, although perhaps a tad predictable, is nonetheless fun and exciting.
And your grammar/spelling is virtually flawless! There's one small thing I noticed. When Zoe first arrives at the party, you have written 'she sat down on a beautiful bench, letting him greet his friends alone. She wasn't his date, after all.' Who's the he? Since she came to the party herself, it's a little confusing who she's talking about. Other than that, though, this was very well done.
| angelacm chapter 1 . 6/1/2015
Hey, there! Angela from our Facebook group, here to leave my thoughts and feedback for your entry in the contest.
This story starts off VERY dialogue heavy. It made it a bit difficult for me to visualize anything, but once you transition to the estate, you show that you really can write description quite well. I almost wish there were more of that at the start to hook me in a bit more. I am also a fan of revelations and twists, and yours was executed very well. I enjoy surprises, and you surprised me at the end!
Some constructive critique I would like to offer here: You say "Zoe" A LOT. It is used excessively in both dialogue and description. I'd suggest giving the reader a bit more credit for knowing to whom you are referring at times, just to break it up a bit. For instance, when you speak to someone in a room, and it is only the two of you holding a conversation, you wouldn't say, "Angela, you're late." followed shortly thereafter by "Angela, did you bring the books?". Sometimes just replacing the actual name with "she" in description or using a nickname/pet name in dialogue would make it a smoother read. One other thing I noticed was a line toward the end: "As she put her hand in his, he pulled her close enough to hiss her, but didn't." I kind of assume you meant "kiss" rather than "hiss", but there are also other ways to make this much more intense. A revelation just took place, and you want your readers hearts to pound! Just a mere suggestion would be restructuring it slightly to give it more impact. Perhaps instead of stating exactly what happens, leave it to the readers to decide. She may have felt compelled to give him her hand, and he may have captured it, pulling her in so closely that she could smell the copper (scent of blood) on his cold, wet lips.
All in all, you wrote a good entry! You clearly write dialogue very well, and you also show that you can execute descriptions beautifully. I'm going to score this one a 6, and I would be very interested to re-read it should you decide to tweak or refine it. It has potential, for sure!