Reviews for Genetics: The 11:59
LDF chapter 1 . 6/3/2015
["Nona?" She whispered into the dark.]

If there’s a speech verb, it’s not considered the start of a new sentence, so ‘she’ shouldn’t be capitalized.

[While her sister leaned toward the rebellious, Jordan, having just turned 29, was the picture of classic beauty:]

This isn't something the narrative should launch into, especially during a fight scene.

Narrative also hardly needs an exclamation mark. There are several throughout the text.

The fight scenes were intense, but the story behind them was a bit confusing. It would be nice to see what kind of stakes are involved, and perhaps have some of the inflicted injuries hamper the characters. For example, Firebird had her ribs crushed by her sister's kick, yet somehow she's able to talk and breathe normally without serious pain.