Reviews for Home Run
Guest chapter 1 . 9/6/2015
I love having dreams that turn into stories haha :) Seems interesting!
Whatdoesanniemea chapter 6 . 8/9/2015
What does "annie" mean in that context? I have never heard that word...
beeswaxsmith chapter 10 . 7/29/2015
Nice chapter here ;)
beeswaxsmith chapter 9 . 7/17/2015
Nice chapter here! Loved it when Ali was asked why she was holding her breath by Jordan :) So adorable.

Constructive criticism: Still a little work on paragraph spacing.
beeswaxsmith chapter 8 . 7/6/2015
Awe, I'm glad to see that Jordan seems to have a crush on her!

Constructive criticism: Okay, now it just seems like sometimes you choose to use paragraph spacing and other times you don't. I'm confused.
beeswaxsmith chapter 7 . 7/6/2015
Pleased to see Alison's point of view turn up! We haven't seen how she feels for a bit. Or maybe I'm just exaggerating... yeah, I'm probably just exaggerating.

Constructive criticism: Once again, switching between past and present tense becomes confusing. Oh, and it seems that you've (not sure if I'm using the right word here), downgraded from paragraph spacing since the last chapter.
beeswaxsmith chapter 6 . 7/6/2015
Heh, really enjoyed this chapter! I don't know why, but the thought of Jordan putting on aftershave cologne sounds hilarious. Your paragraph spacing is getting better :)

Constructive criticism: As I mentioned in the above paragraph, your paragraph spacing is getting better. You still could, however, work on not switching from past tense to present tense. It becomes confusing.
beeswaxsmith chapter 5 . 7/6/2015
Happy to see Kaitlyn again! She really shouldn't have ditched Ali, though. That was kind of rude.

Constructive criticism: Could still work on paragraph spacing. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that it could simply be written as 6'1.

I know that I still most likely sound like a Review Rat, although I'd like to offer to be your editor before you upload chapters. I am sincerely sorry if I offended you.
beeswaxsmith chapter 4 . 7/6/2015
I like this chapter, but it was a bit short. Once again, glad to see that we're finding out more about Jordan.

Constructive criticism: Do you do edits before uploads? I don't mean to be offensive, I'm just asking. If not, perhaps you should start to make sure that you haven't forgotten commas and haven't made a few grammar mistakes.

You could still work on paragraph spacing between conversations, by the way.
beeswaxsmith chapter 3 . 7/6/2015
Once again, awesome chapter. Love how things are progressing in this story. Thanks for telling what "AOP" and "JOP" mean.

Constructive criticism: At times, it was difficult to tell who was speaking. I assumed that it was Ali, although once this conversation came up...

"Everything alright," I smiled at him. Something wrong?"

Perhaps that instead should've been this.

"Everything alright?" he asked. "Something wrong?"

Maybe she could've smiled at him after that. Also, sentences like this.

"Nah everything is fine, apparently my friend ditched me." He frowns a little shaking his head. "Do you need a way home then?"

There are a few things wrong with this. First of all, from my understanding, after the word 'nah' there should have been a comma. Secondly, there were few things to make one realize that Ali was the one speaking. For a second, I actually thought that it was Jordan speaking, until I re-read. Thirdly, I thought that this story was written in past tense, based on how Ali often adds an "ed" to the end of her words to show that it has already happened. If so, then I don't truthfully think that it makes much sense for it to say "He frowns". Shouldn't it be frowned?

In other words, you might need to work on your paragraph use. I'm sorry if this and my earlier reviews make me sound like a Review Rat (and don't deny it, I know that's what I sound like), although I've never been good with constructive criticism.
beeswaxsmith chapter 2 . 7/6/2015
Once again, good chapter. I like how we're learning more about him :)

Constructive criticism: At first, it was sort of difficult to tell whether we were into someone else's POV or Alison's POV. I, after reading a bit more, realized that we were into another POV. Perhaps you could make rotations easier to tell; perhaps naming the chapter after the person's name.
beeswaxsmith chapter 1 . 7/6/2015
Excellent so far; you managed to mention a few details and we've been kind of introduced to the characters.

Constructive criticism: I thought that maybe we could've gotten to know Alison more before the story actually started.

There is at least one grammar mistake.

Overall, though, I give it a 6/10 or a 7/10.
Obaid chapter 2 . 6/16/2015
Liked it lots :)
Obaid chapter 1 . 6/15/2015
Nice story waiting for more :)