|Reviews for Luna|
| zanybellecloudo chapter 7 . 1/10/2016
Thank you for updating the story I have been waiting for more chapters. This was such a perfect fairytale chapter and you're so good at describing Luna's feelings, doubts and fears. I like the blunt fairy godmother character too especially her comment about standing up for herself. Whatever anyone does you must always stand up for yourself. I didn't realise Luna was in love with the prince, I mean they hardly know each other? I'd like for them to spend more time together before dropping the 'L' word. Still great work, I really enjoyed this. You're such a natural talent. This is one of my favourite stories on this site! Thank you :)
| Leah Jo chapter 7 . 1/8/2016
Finally! It feels like forever since this has been updated!
Although this update was short, I feel kinda like it needed to be, it builds suspense. Anyway, Luna is just so adorable, but she makes me so sad-the way her mother treats her . . . She should be dragged out in the street and-I'll stop there, anyway I want Luna to get the prince soooo bad. She is so kind and awesome, and her sister probably wouldn't appreciate the prince, much less love him. Fight for yo' man Luna! Also maybe a bit more detail concerning the dress. I have no doubt that it's gorgeous, but it would be nice to know more about it.
(Also also, Linda is so funny! I like that she doesn't just give Luna all the answers and makes her do stuff on her own. Best fairy god mother ever!)
As always, amazing job, Resurgentshad.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 6 . 12/10/2015
I didn't think the mother's character was as believable as your other characters. I just didn't sense a motherly glimmer which however cruel seemed to be missing. But then again I like when people stand up for themselves so maybe just my own qualm. Otherwise a good chapter. A few grammatical points but otherwise moving the story on well. Thanks for sharing.
| Leah Jo chapter 6 . 12/6/2015
Oh-oh how my heart breaks for poor Luna! She's so awesome and so is Summer, as well as the not-fairy-God-mother, the way you portrayed her was perfect (especially the way she talks, I have a African-American friend who talks just like her!). Anyway, keep up the fantastic work!
Looking forward to the next update,
| Leah Jo chapter 5 . 11/27/2015
Wow, just... wow. I absolutely love this, the characters are so developed and real, not to mention the storyline (amazing). Keep up the good work, and please, please update soon.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 5 . 9/4/2015
This was a fun and interesting chapter! I love the character development and the mute prince was fascinating and brilliant. I would offer him more facial expressions and characteristics as it would add a lot to include him more. Luna's song was awesome! It's like reading a disney book. Loving it. Also it makes sense to split the chapters. Your best chapter so far! Keep it up! Thanks for sharing.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 3 . 8/22/2015
Great chapter development and loved the dialogue from Edgar! He's such a character ha. I hope you keep up this modern day fairytale it's very cool and endearing. Linda was a great twist on the fairy godmother too. Thanks for sharing!
| Carrion King chapter 1 . 6/22/2015
Overall it's a good story. I like how Summer doesn't shun her sister like her parents do and the fact that Luna doesn't hate her self, especially the fact that Luna doesn't hate herself. That's something people always seem to assume when dealing with over-weight characters or something that just leads to the idea that anyone who's over-weight should hate themselves.
However you tell rather then show a little too much. Instead of saying that she didn't want her sister to see her with her "Night-Face" it would have been better to say something along the lines of "Luna still didn't want to see her with her hair looking like she'd just shoved her finger in a light socket and dream sand in her eyes." or what not. It'll give you a larger word count without a lot of work and also help personalize your character. Not say you should do this with every line but showing makes people feel while telling is just relaying information...though it is good in scenes that you need to go quickly, etc. Also try to avoid saying your characters are something (i.e. Timid, Kind, Nice, etc.) show it instead. Honestly you didn't have to describe Summer as nice, the fact that she was willing to go and bring her sister dinner definitely affirms in your readers' minds that she's a nice and kind person, especially when contrasted with her parents.
Which brings me to their parents. Since this is only the first chapter you could already have a plan make them amazing characters, if not it's not too hard to think up reasons why her parents are the way they are. Simply saying that they love perfection and having an imperfect child is a terrible thing falls rather flat. Where they raised with this view? Where one or both of them imperfect at one point and live horrible lives thus fueling this flawed view? If that happened are they simply trying to protect her by hiding her away and keeping her separate from themselves so they don't have to see the unintentional consequences their views have on her? Of course there's nothing wrong with them protecting their reputation by hiding her away and refusing to look at her because they find her ugly, but unless they can dehumanize her (a sign that they have some severe Psychological problems) in their minds they're going to sometimes feel conflicted over it. I will give you points though on the fact that they actually do love her...though I'm confused as to why she doesn't have a bed if they do love her unless they only say it as some form of manipulation?
This brings me to them hiding her away. If this world is supposed to be like ours then claiming that she was miscarried doesn't hold up to a sniff test, especially if she was twelve when her parents gave up. Since her family is often in the public eye there were probably baby announcements or at the very least tabloids that want a scoop on this flawless couples' second child. Silencing them with bribes wouldn't work, or if it did would become very expensive and hard to keep up with. Not to mention the fact that some reporter suddenly getting a large paycheck would alert everyone he/she interacted with and probably the IRS as well if he/she wasn't smart. Instead of hiding her birth it'd be easier to turn her absence in their favor by claiming that she has some illness that makes her easily stressed by their life style. People would then assume that they were great parents who were protecting their daughter. People do this all the time and it's a lot easier to keep going in the long run. Death draws people like moths to flames after all.
One minor thing that'd be easy to fix. When you speak to someone how often do you use their name? Most people don't use them that often. It's not a huge deal but the more you do it the more jarring it gets. It breaks our immersion and makes us remember that these aren't actual people. Everyone does this though, I know I do it far more than I should, so don't stress about it.
Overall though you have a good base set up here and I'd love to read more about Luna and how she grows as a character. I want to hear more about the dynamic between her and he sister. I love the fact that you tossed the evil beautiful sister troupe out the window and made Luna not hate herself which is incredibly refreshing. I'd love to see you continue on this troupe breaking trend, but honestly I'd just love to see more of this story. Sorry for the long review and I hope I didn't sound mean or anything, especially since that was not my intent.
Good job and good luck.