Reviews for Deadville Recruitment
Jack Bellows chapter 15 . 1/23/2016
LOL, this is getting GOOD! Things are coming together very nicely!

This doesn't feel like were approaching the ending at all, it feels like a climax! The hunt is literally on! And the bite mark... And the pregnancy... And the romance... And the time traveling... And the history... omg.

And you killed me at the end with luke's line... "Yeah, she's pregnant, I can smell it."
AngryFerrets chapter 15 . 1/11/2016
Loved it! Terrific chapter as the tension builds for a very intriguing climax. Some more fantastic dark humor which has really become an excellent hallmark of this story, a really nice and genuine reconciliation, and some terrific backstory very well written in that in no way felt anything like an info dump just well timed and expertly placed.

This is going to be a terrific run to the finish! :)
philosophik1 chapter 5 . 12/17/2015
So the action begins. I hope there are some cool fight scenes ahead. This chapter felt, um, how do I say it...a little vague. I mean, why would Jen get up in the middle of the night when some random dude calls her. And then he doesn't even introduce himself when he sees her, but lurks across the street like a creeper. Maybe if you include the phone call, to show the reader why she would come all that way in the dead of night, it would be a little more realistic. I like the idea, of a mysterious agency recruiting Jen and her on and off again dead lover, I just think this chapter needs a little more backstory. Also, I noticed you change tense a lot. Sometimes it's present tense and past both in the same scene. Other than that, can't wait to see what zany mishap adventures these two sexually charged characters get into.
Jack Bellows chapter 14 . 12/1/2015
A lot of content in this chapter, and that's a good thing... I did spot a few punctuation errors and maybe some dialogue formatting could be crucial.

Overall, I base it on the story and I enjoyed that very much. I loved the humor, development, and I'm ready to see more action with Jen's new found revenge!
philosophik1 chapter 4 . 11/25/2015
I like how effortless it is to picture your scenes, you do an awesome job of putting the reader in your MC's shoes. I felt like i was dreaming with her. well done. One thing, is she in college or highschool? I'm not sure how it is in England, but colleges dont have bells, do they? Did i read that wrong, and she is in highschool?
philosophik1 chapter 3 . 11/25/2015
the story is heating up, love it. I laughed hard at the line 'his shirt stuck out like a sore dick' haha, good one. on to the next chapter, and Jen's delightful potty mouth lol
Jack Bellows chapter 13 . 11/23/2015
I had meant to make a review the day I read this chapter, but I didn't and imagine my surprise when I saw ch.12 didn't have one either! Not intentional... I refuse to do it twice.

Anyways, I'm enjoying the humor and there's a lot of setting change and time jumps in this particular chapter (which is fine.) I would suggest more of your 5 senses and descriptions than you use already, but the story is still on a good path and one of my favorite reads regardless. I'll be sure to review the next chapter soon, Zany.

Keep Writing!
AngryFerrets chapter 14 . 11/19/2015
Another fantastic chapter. The tension as Jen waits to be bitten is palpable. She wants it to happen so bad while at the same time as a reader you're screaming at the screen for something to stop it because you know Fred is right...

Each chapter has been steadily building the story in a great arc, and here we are. The characters are done 'reacting' and have decided to take the initiative. Once again I'm left hanging in eager anticipation of the next installment.
philosophik1 chapter 2 . 11/18/2015
alot of sexual tension between these two, huh. seems like a love hate relationship. They love the sex, but hate the person, kinda. Interested to see what happens next. I'll keep read─źng when i have time.
AngryFerrets chapter 13 . 11/2/2015
Another great chapter! I love how Jen saves James with the intention of killing him herself. That is pretty much Jen in a nutshell! I love it. Some more dark humour...I'm really quite envious of how easily you add in the dark humour. You have a great knack for that. Finally Jen and Fred united! Please keep this coming, its great work and I eagerly anticipate each installment!
philosophik1 chapter 1 . 10/24/2015
i had to check out your work after you left a review on mine, and i must say, this has a very edgy feel to it-in good way. I will continue reading this, as it seems to be your main work, plus i like the grittiness to it. keep up the good work
AngryFerrets chapter 12 . 10/24/2015
Outstanding! Worth waiting for and then some! Fantastic twists and turns and wow...Jen's up to her eyeballs in it now! My only complaint is that it ended, I was very absorbed in what was happening. Wait! I have one other complaint...a cliffhanger! Hard on the reader but that means it's good writing! Terrific work Zaney, a treat to read as usual...now...next piece please! :)
Jack Bellows chapter 11 . 9/29/2015
The chapter was great. I laughed on Ember's constipated phone drop, James and the brownies, and the soup bit was just hilarious... The best part is how your humor did not take away from your thrilling conclusion. -The twist was indeed, Zany! :3

Far as actual criticism goes...

You could actually set the scene just before the group comes together further. Maybe more firmly establish your characters actions by using something like the 5 senses? I think that might be useful. If you have slow readers like me, they might get a tiny bit confused in the dialogue, so that set up could also clear things up quite a bit.
A. Ceravolo chapter 9 . 9/29/2015
I now have a full appreciation of the chapter's title.

Overall I really liked this chapter! However I felt you may have rushed into explaining what Lurkers were here, as a sort of "Easy Way Out" kind of thing. Why would the Lurkers be so willing to tell their enemy exactly what was going on? It seemed that was a little too easily gleamed, perhaps if instead, you pulled off all that action with Jame's bodily gasses (I loved that, by the way, creative way of explaining away why he burns in the sunlight, very well done) lighting the shadow spider guys on fire, a little interrogation goes on with threats of burning and such with a surviving lurker? I don't know, just a thought. It always bothers me a little when it's just an info dump for no other reason than to dump info.

As always, I love James. He's I think my favourite character.

At any rate, I like where the plot is going, just maybe re-evaluate how you want to get it there. That's my thinking anyways.
AngryFerrets chapter 11 . 9/20/2015
Another great chapter Zaney and a little twist that came out of nowhere. Is Jen's current predicament a precursor to Fred's vision of the future? How will they handle Luke? Some great questions to keep us humble readers baited and waiting for the next instalment!
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