|Reviews for Crescent Island|
| Yakosh chapter 25 . 4/22/2019
First off, I'm not saying this to be mean, hopefully, it's helpful. If not, sorry.
I'm dropping this story. I'll keep checking back, I guess, or maybe I'll binge it later, but I'm not going to keep up.
The main reason is a combination of infrequent updates and large cast. I have no idea who anyone is. Large casts work okay in visual mediums, like TV shows, since it's easy to remember faces, voices, and generally appearances, but for a written story, it's just too hard to keep track. This is doubled up by the story's infrequent updates (not to mention that long hiatus, which is where my problems really started).
I like this story and perhaps I'll binge it from start to finish once it's done, but for now, ciao.
| BradytheJust chapter 24 . 3/8/2019
I'm actually sweating right now! Verbal sparring scenes are one of the hardest things (in my experience) to get right. Because reading through a ton of dialogue while also trying to keep things interesting can be difficult... but man did you blow it out of the park! :D
The battle of wills between Verity and Serene was just epic! I hung onto every single word, and I loved some of your lines here. "Instead of my voice, acid came out." "Guilty blood spilt by our recourse would sit heavy on our souls... but not as much as innocent blood would." Ah, it was just so awesome! :D And I loved the exchange between Serene and Midnight at the end.
Another great chapter as always!
| Jaya Avendel chapter 23 . 1/5/2019
I love Midnight little Ferene joke. Serene colored up nicely as all girls do when teased about their male friends by sisters.
I am curious to see if Verity will say anything when questioned by the group and what the metal thing of hers that Serene held in her hand is. Fallena's sudden rush from the room in light of her shining eyes makes me wonder if she is possessed by something.
May the words flow for the writing of the next chapter!
| BradytheJust chapter 23 . 12/31/2018
Well... I learned what a portmanteau is! :) Great chapter and I really love how the whole family seems to know about Ferene's romance potential even if the two lovebirds don't! :)
Now it's time to interrogate a twin, and hopefully figure out what's wrong with Fallena! Great job as always and I can't wait for more
| EternalE'lir chapter 4 . 12/27/2018
I really liked the description of the elemental magical system, which was both thorough but easy to grasp. I also like that Serene isn't good at everything, that she has less skill than others in some areas. This was a good sort of intermission between the main sections of narrative action.
| EternalE'lir chapter 3 . 12/16/2018
Cute title :) I love the humor you weave into your stories and especially Selene's thoughts. Her ambivalence towards most boys, and Midnight's fascination with fluffy hair, are examples of some of the delightful character quirks that I am coming to expect and continue to greatly enjoy in your writing. I can definitely relate to Selene zoning out during the king's speech when she really should be paying attention.
| EternalE'lir chapter 2 . 12/10/2018
I don't remember whether I said this before, but I really do love how much detail you put into describing both your characters and the setting. The interplay between your characters is also obviously a strong suit of yours.
| EternalE'lir chapter 1 . 12/7/2018
I very much enjoy your writing style in first person. It's humorous and introspective without being brooding or tedious. You also include just enough details so that the reader has a clear conception of the setting without bogging down the narrative. Your story also appears, so far, to be character-driven, which is how all the best stories are! Serene is
Some considerations for refinement:
-In the second sentence, change "spiralling," to "spiraling.
-Add punctuation to the first line of dialogue in your story.
-It's best not to use semicolons to punctuate the end of dialogue.
-Change "Harpy's cup tavern" to "Harpy's Cup tavern."
-Separate dialogue from the narrative more often, which makes it easier on the reader.
-Various small tweaks to remove redundancy and improve syntax so that the story flows better. For example, open the story with the dialogue: "Serene Cade Crescent (I think it's safe to remove the comma that was placed here) will return to the island with the gift in hand," follow that with the original first paragraph, and omit the line saying: "But let's not get too ahead..." The rest of the story seems like it would progress smoothly from there. But this is my personal take, you as the author and other readers may feel differently.
I like the feel of the story so far. It's vibrancy and atmosphere reminds me of Howl's Moving Castle or something similar. :)
| Jaya Avendel chapter 22 . 11/8/2018
It was about time Felix and Serene got a moment alone without the rest of the family poking in. I do hope Serene's siblings are alright though, considering they were suddenly separated.
Serene's pesky fingers poking away at her dress showed her nervousness with Felix well and I loved how they shared moments of their lives with each other.
Felix's plan to follow the follower is a new one to me but it went well! The tension of their hunt was written well, and I was surprised by their catch. I was convinced it had to be one of the twins! I love how the chapter name ties in with the events in the chapter.
Looking forward to Ferene(should that be Serene?)-it's called a portmanteau.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 21 . 10/29/2018
Seeing the townspeople gather to express their rage at having their privacy cut into and hearing their elated chant at their march to find the person responsible added to the atmosphere of the town.
A mob of angry townspeople make a formidable foe in numbers alone and the image of the mob reminded me of a tidal wave crashing to shore. I love the high feel of the chase and Serene's scramble over the wall.
Serene's hopeless feeling at the end of the chapter made me laugh! Not again.
Looking forward to Not A Bad Catch.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 20 . 10/23/2018
I cannot help liking Fallena as she smooths her hair and tidies herself up as much as possible even while on the chase for the vampires. I love how you describe the wear their clothes sustained during their trial down below in the water-filled room.
Robin's remark about the landlady being a black puddle had me laughing!
Seeing Midnight knocked flat and not getting up made me think at first she had fainted. The thought of a hairy spider makes me shudder but Serene was unfazed. I imagine Midnight would have collapsed again if she had come to with a spider on her.
It looks like Midnight had a futuristic dream, the events of which do not bode well. The blood could be from any number of people . . . And seeing Fallena protest to ever crying was too funny.
Looking forward to a chapter named frightfully No Privacy In Punishment.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 19 . 10/19/2018
I love how, even on the brink of possible death by drowning, there is still room for all of the siblings to bicker over how to save themselves. Fallena's struggle to keep the water back is, like, her first real struggle for the whole book.
Seeing Kristiana's powers in action was terrifying and Serene's tears as she thought she breathed her last were so real. I love the way you described the sharp, archaic tone of the words Kristiana muttered and the power the words invoked afterwards.
The quick appearance of the Angel's Gift to utter her word reminded me of a fleeting vision. I cannot wait to see what else Rhea's twin can do!
Looking forward to A Hairy Parrot!
| Jaya Avendel chapter 18 . 9/25/2018
The trap was well set. The weapon's shop would be where to find Hyde and his fellow hunters. I love their use of water to kill Serene's fire and Luna's use of the water coming from the sprinklers.
The battle between the two sides was intense. I love how you showed the even struggle on both sides and the blows exchanged as Serene and her crew fought to gain the upper hand.
The way you wrote about how the roof sounded as it creaked inward was perfect; the emotions everyone felt at the loud pop and creak brought a quick end to any celebrating. Luna's battle will be a long one. Kristiana's ending sneer and black cloak left floating on the water was ominous.
Looking forward to Derilinquamus.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 17 . 9/25/2018
I love the underworld city the party fell into and the telephone down there as well. The mix of vampires and beasts make for quite a mix of townsfolk but with her gifts, Serene will fit in well.
Serene's feelings about the woman who offered her help have proved to be true. But, in a way, she did take Serene and her companions where they need to go!
I love the description of the magical flames and the black door. The solid piping and weapons Hyde and his friends have do not speak well for their intentions . . .
Looking forward to a fight and Here Comes The Calvary.
| Jaya Avendel chapter 16 . 9/19/2018
Kristiana proved to be the greatest nightmare of all here. Her ability to heal mid-fight makes her a powerful opponent. I love Fallena's new "dance". Her move changed the course of the entire battle and it would be like her to use her body to her advantage in an hysterical but effective way!
Robin was not too pleased to see Spencer and Hyde ogling at his sister!
It would be just like a thinking brother not to listen to Midnight as she keeps trying to talk to him! I am glad Midnight took the lead, and I cannot wait to see what Serene has jumped into in A Strange Underworld Town.