|Reviews for The A Team|
| Scott Pilgrim chapter 1 . 10/5/2015
"he checks..." Capitalize the "h"
This was a very interesting start to this. I found your descriptions vivid and eye catching. Keep up the good work.
| PromisedRainbow1225 chapter 1 . 9/7/2015
First thing I thought of when I saw the title... ED SHEERAN!
| solacing chapter 5 . 9/2/2015
Great chapter! :D I had a feeling that Topher is cute, lol. I know he has a girlfriend, but I can't help but wonder if him and Lexie will have a thing at some point.
One thing I would change about this chapter is a line break between the different perspective. It just prevents any momentary confusion :3 other than that, great job, as always! Looking forward to more :)
p.s: sorry it took me so long to post this, fictionpress is being glitchy -_-
| solacing chapter 4 . 8/27/2015
It was nice to see a bit of Ashcroft's perspective. I can see that Andy has quite the poor reputation, but I imagine him being a great detective makes up for it. The part about Andy's mother was really interesting. You described the house wonderfully, and it was nice to have a mental image of where Andy and Lexie come from. Their parents are interesting, as well! His mom seems like she's really kind, and I like the story about his father.
I hope you update soon :3
| solacing chapter 3 . 8/27/2015
Nice chapter! Short, but it thickens the plot. 8) I wonder if Lexie will actually be okay. I'm still really interested in seeing where this goes :D
| solacing chapter 2 . 8/26/2015
Wow, there was so much emotion in this chapter; I wasn't expecting it at all, but it was fantastic. I love how at first, Andy seems bitter towards his sister, but we quickly see how much he deeply cares for her well-being. You portrayed his emotions wonderfully. I could really feel the urgency of the situation.
It was a short chapter so I don't have too much to say, other than that I really enjoyed it, and I'm curious to see how this ends up!
| solacing chapter 1 . 8/26/2015
So, I was drawn in immediately by the first line. Maybe I'm bias, but I'll always have an attraction towards cigarettes (and characters who smoke). I recently quit via the magic of the e-cigarette, but I dunno haha. Also, describing something as simple as smoking right off the bat gives me an image of who this character might be. Certain "types" of people generally don't pick up on the habit, so I found him relatable right away.
One thing I feel in the second paragraph is that you didn't need to use "back" more than once. I would have said, "tosses back the rest of his coffee and scalds his throat, then clomps inside to his desk." or "returns inside to his desk", but I rather liked the word "clomps" there so I dunno haha. Just a thought! Oh, and following that sentence, "he" was not capitalized at the beginning.
Anyway, I loved the characterization of Andy. The chapter was short, but I have a pretty good idea of what he's like. Kind of a disgruntled guy xD or maybe he's just annoyed about the situation. But something tells me that he has an attitude in general. :P I also really like how I can already feel the animosity between Andy and his new partner, even though they haven't met yet.
I also liked a lot of your descriptions, in particular, the one about the "old-man eyes". That really hit me. :P
Overall, the chapter was short, but gave the perfect amount of description to keep me interested and wanting to know more. It was incredibly well written. I'm looking forward to continuing this one :D
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 8/26/2015
The opening paragraph introduces the MC and gives us some idea of his personality, but it’s not until the second paragraph that we find out the general setting and genre. So anyway, I’m getting NCIS vibes at this point but that may be due to the mention of the Navy.
It seems the bulk of this chapter is about setting. So I have a very detailed picture of the depressing surroundings that the MC is facing. This sets the tone for the story as a whole, I guess, but it also affects the pacing, which I will talk about next.
I think it’s not unreasonable to say that nothing much happened in this chapter apart from Andy moving from one part of the building to another. The mysterious Navy guy never makes an appearance. It reminds me somewhat of ‘Waiting for Godot’. Personally, I don’t find that a very big problem, but I’d think it makes the story a little draggy for some readers.
For me, the conclusion lacks a definite sense of closure, but then it’s a chapter ending not a story ending so that isn’t a major issue. I guess the nett effect here is that the reader is set up for the appearance of the Navy guy, presumably in the next chapter. After all that build-up, he should be making a big bang of an appearance!