|Reviews for Wonder(ing) White|
| zanybellecloudo chapter 4 . 8/5/2016
This ending was sweet, although it didn’t deal with any of his previous anxieties of her disappearing on him. Maybe that was implied or indeed this scene was her proving her feelings for him? I’ll be honest, the writing is a little undeveloped, although the angelic reactions seemed well thought-out. I’ve never been sure exactly what mewing was other than an overused term. But I’m glad this didn’t end on panicked doubtfulness so in that sense I probably preferred this ending. I’d still like to know if they ever get out of the Underworld, but I guess that’s in another story or something? I’m going to assume they did! :) Thanks for sharing your work, ZB.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 3 . 8/5/2016
The beginning of this chapter worked well. It maintained that genuine emotional warmth they both had for one another, allowing each other time to think over things before finally embracing and kissing. I’m not sure how well the ‘detailed kissing’ worked, it might have been a bit over the top but for a romance I hear that kind of thing is necessary to warrant the title. Personally, I would have created a far soppier scene with teasing and blushing and kept it to the one kiss (however I understand the use of the dark, demonic world influencing their behaviours). I’m a little unsure why he felt she was using him when he woke up however. She may have left but surely the leap from friendship to love should have been more hopeful for him, although I understand he might be feeling abandoned when she wasn’t there. I would portray it more a mix of happiness to have been with the girl he loved and a slight sense of doubt as to why she left / were her feelings genuine. Overall, it was very well written and I think you’ve done a great job with this unique romance and I could easily read more. Thanks for sharing your work, ZB.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 2 . 8/5/2016
Oh….! I didn’t expect that! What a brilliant chapter. I really find the flow of the story so easy to fall into and read. The characters seem all too real with two very close friends who both secretly adore each other. But you still keep the story with him being enslaved in the Underworld and her having her own game plan, which we are yet to uncover. I like this story because it puts a spin on the classic relationship angst in a very unique setting, which is probably why I’m more interested in this than I would be in a normal boy/girl story with the same concept. I liked the sudden joint confessions which brought a lot of drama to things. I mean, now they’ve confessed what happens… and they’re still stuck in the worse place imaginable which is hardly a romantic setting! Haha! But that only adds to the greatness of the story. My favourite line was: “Him, he guessed, she preferred to leave broken” which sums up his feelings well. Impressive work, keep writing the story. ZB.
| zanybellecloudo chapter 1 . 8/5/2016
I really like the concept of this story: A Prince saving an Angel who’s too busy to notice he’s in love with her. The entire chapter flowed surprising well using just his train of thoughts, reflecting on how he found himself in this forsaken place purely to rescue someone who didn’t want it. His annoyance and hurt is believable and made all the more interesting when you realise the darkness of the Underworld is seeping into him, troubling his thoughts and feeding the negativity. A very clever way to portray depressing emotions – really original and well written. I’m not sure the idea of her ‘dancing’ with other people fits into things, that felt more modern day than angel and prince – maybe you could focus more on the fact she is an angel so is often going to the rescue of those in need and failing to see how she is neglecting him in the process. The undertone hints of him not admitting his feelings to her helps shape their relationship, because she doesn’t know how he feels she isn’t entirely to blame for his feelings of neglect. Overall, I thought the concept, storytelling and emotional angst make for a very interesting and unique story. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for sharing your work, ZB.
| alltheeagles chapter 4 . 6/25/2016
Well I STILL don't know why they're in hell, but now I think I can solve that by taking this as a psychological hell that they're trapped in, and all those creatures are the embodiment of their doubts and fears.
I lurrrvvve happy endings, even if I don't always write them myself. And this one is definitely happy, but not TOO happy ie they didn't just escape and live happily ever after ever so conveniently. They found each other and completed each other, but there's still the problem of escaping that place and all. This is a GOOD thing cause then it's realistically happy and not wishfully so. It was nice as well that you left most of the *ahem* proceedings to our imagination so we can make it as spicy hot or heartmeltingly sweet as we like.
| alltheeagles chapter 3 . 6/24/2016
You took me on a roller coaster ride. The kiss was so realistic, passionate but still tasteful (I like the 'batting control' bit) and very well visualised, especially the silk coccoon simile. I got a major dose of the feels. AND THEN... the doubt again. Argh! And I'm left wondering along with the MC whether it was for real or if he'd been played yet again.
The feels component I have nothing more to say about, but I do wish you'd answered the question of why they were there in hell in the first place. Cause I'm obsessive like that - I like everything clearly explained even when I know that they just usually aren't, even in real life. It's a terrible trait to have...
| alltheeagles chapter 2 . 6/24/2016
Yes, why, why, why? Why isn't he kissing her at the VERY LEAST? That was one heck of a cliffhanger ending, you tease, you! But it's okay, I only have to click on that 'next' button...
Loved your dialogue this chapter. The feelings were raw and strong, yet so very believable. I got my backstory and explanations, yay, and I have a feeling even more of my questions are going to be answered real soon.
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 6/23/2016
The back story of what happened between the narrator and Serina in terms of him fighting for her (or because of her?) and the consequences (when he lost, I assume) comes through loud and clear, but the present situation is a little blurry for me. Are they both now in Hell, condemned forever, or are they there temporarily on some kind of quest or adventure? Is Serina 'with' him, ie a partner, or is she just there because he messed up majorly? I'm expecting the explanation next chapter - I assume these questions will be answered there!
| Crescent Moon Dancer chapter 4 . 12/15/2015
...Wow. This was...wow. A little too touchy-feely for me, but your writing is great and the theme is really quite fascinating. Normally I prefer happy endings, but I have to say, I liked the first one better, it added so much depth to the story and really opened up possibilities for a sequel. ;) But the second one was good too. :)
| SkipperCal3 chapter 4 . 11/2/2015
I feel like the word Wow is overrated, so I'm just going to say Damn.
I love this story. Lots of emotion is given to the character and i guess that's the best part.
Safe to say that you should continue to write this kind of stuff.
I really enjoyed it :)
| RosesAndWriting chapter 3 . 10/28/2015
Whoa, what an ending.
| RosesAndWriting chapter 2 . 10/28/2015
You're right, this IS angsty.
| RosesAndWriting chapter 1 . 10/28/2015
This is a lovely set up- I'm a sucker for Underworld type settings. I particularly like the monster part of him, and how there's basically two of him.
| everyl1ttleth1ng chapter 4 . 10/12/2015
Nice one! So glad you gave them a happy ending. And I think I did spot a few moments that might have been influenced by Homecoming! Am I right?
Beautiful story! I'm intrigued by the "rules" of your demon dimension here - such an interesting concept! Well done!
| everyl1ttleth1ng chapter 3 . 10/12/2015
oh! you've left them at odds! or... hang on - is that another chapter I can see?