Reviews for Moonshadows
KarasunoFan chapter 17 . 4/18
Ooooh what country has magic users who would be so against the Atayamainese? Looking forward to your next chapter.
I appreciate the debates Sialen is having with herself
KarasunoFan chapter 16 . 11/23/2017
This has actually been my favorite chapter so far while I look forward to seeing Sialen and Kuoji's tale play out the history and politics of this world were just fascinating
KarasunoFan chapter 14 . 9/28/2017
What a fascinating history!
luckybrains chapter 13 . 8/29/2017
Loving the story so far. :) I would love to see more of the relationship between Sialen and Kuoji and also more magic.
I did notice quite a few split infinitives but overall, I really enjoy your writing style.

I'm going to take a wild guess that the story of Risilda is based on Hansel and Gretel?
luckybrains chapter 1 . 8/28/2017
Great start to the story. I like the originality of it
Guest chapter 13 . 8/26/2017
Wow! Thought the Earthfather couldn't get any worse. His punishment has so been earned.
Interesting new characters you have introduced. Looking forward to reading more!
KarasunoFan chapter 12 . 6/5/2017
This was a beautiful chapter. I love that Kuoji was not embittered by his experiences. He is so dignified
KarasunoFan chapter 11 . 5/2/2017
Thanks for the update. I see why she would hold a grudge against her mother for all the slights when she was most vulnerable but I hope one day they are able to reconcile.
I love to see the evolution of the relationships here. Eager for your next update. Keep up the good work.
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 5 . 2/20/2017
For some stupid reason, Fictionpress logged me out when I was in the middle of reading. -_-

This was what I posted: I think the romance aspect is going well, so there's that. I just feel that the whole conflict between Corona and Atyama is too black and white. You've clearly portrayed the royal family of Corona to be arrogant, selfish, petty, stupid, backward, superstitious and foul-tempered, with absolutely no redeeming traits save for Sialen. Then you present Atyama as this nation of...well, not exactly saints, but advanced, pragmatic, smart and civilized bunch who value gender equality, etc. It's so black and white, you can tell with a glance who is good and who is bad.

And the whole dialogue Sialen had with her family felt...unnatural. It seemed more like she was this vindictive girl who has been abused by her family, only to come down to the dungeon to gloat over them and crow over her victory. "Muahahaha, karma bit you in the ass, you deserve what you got for bullying me when I was young! Now you're suffering because you refuse to mend your ways and stop being backward!" And while I get that Sialen is somewhat an atheist, the social context for her to suddenly claim the Heavenly Father is an imaginary friend is too much of a leap. Sure, maybe several generations later she could make that statement, but for her to do it so soon after the uh, revolution, is way too unnatural and too much of a leap.

Furthermore, as I said, it makes no sense for her to go visit her family in the dungeon like this. It makes her look like she's gloating over them, and no matter how you justify it, it's just a clear betrayal. Furthermore, Kuoji gives her free reign to punish her own family members however she like? Is that even practical? That makes no sense whatsoever. It reads like the world is warping and changing to fit whatever agenda or goals the main characters have - if it's to show karma and gloat over her family, then the world will conveniently bend over and break the rules of logic for Sialen to stroll in to preach (yes, she's actually preaching even if she's trying to sound wise and progressive) and "get back" at her family for abusing her.

This isn't important, but Sialen probably has no clue what religion is if she thinks the Heavenly Father is an imaginary figure people pray to for problem solving. That said, the whole royal family has a messed up idea of what religion is if they expect the Heavenly Father to swoop down, smite the foe and save them. The whole thing is just so absurd it reads more like a caricature or parody than a realistic portrayal of religion gone wrong. Not that that's a bad thing - you could be intending that all along, but it means the Corona royalty can't be taken seriously, and are just stock characters, or parodies. Well, I don't really care about theology either way unless it's grossly misrepresented for some agenda.

The flashbacks are handled much better than the dungeon visit, to be honest. Allowing Lucas to work in the palace after saving Sialen's life felt much more natural and made sense. Contrasting this logic with that shown in the dungeon kind of make me wonder if you want readers to take your story seriously or read it as a comical parody.

So that "guest" me. Sorry about that. Anyway, to add on to that, I saw that you're a published author and tried clicking on the links on your profile, the Amazon or paperback or other links, but they all redirect me back to your Fictionpress profile page instead!? So I'm not sure, but are you Kelly Keaton, the author of the 4 books of Darkness Becomes Her? That's the only match I could find for the title. Sorry for bothering you about that.
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 6 . 2/20/2017
I'm confused about the role of magic in the story. While it's clear that it's important to the plot - with Kuoji and the Atyma using dark magic, etc., this obviously isn't an action or fantasy (uh, I mean magic) story. It's just there like...some sort of accessory, to emphasize the backwardness of Corona, and other than that, it's just in the background. Yay, Sialen learns magic, but what exactly is she going to do with it? Magic seems like they're used for fighting, but there are rarely any fights in the story. They don't seem to be used in daily life either - you didn't exactly integrate magic well with daily life. It's like, they live normally, you have politics, you have Sialen and Kuoji talking, more dialogue, and then you have a separate scene where they cast magic or learn magic. Do you understand what I mean? It's like the scenes with magic is from a totally different story. It doesn't flow well into the story. Sometimes it's mentioned, oh! Yeah, we have magic! Corona hates dark magic! But it's not used often enough to be part of the story, more like something that's tacked on to improve the plot, but isn't actually woven into the plot itself.

Sorry if I'm not making myself clear. It's hard to explain. Ugh.

The politics are enjoyable, though. Sialen running the woman's court and fighting for women's right is pretty fun to read. Let's hope the girls get their bakery back from their uncle. I feel that these instances are actually woven into the story better than the magic part, because...well, politics are part of daily life somehow. Or Sialen's life, anyway. The romance is romance, I can't say much about it because I'm not really the type to enjoy pure romance. I mean, I do like romance, but it's more like a side dish to me, the icing on the cake rather than the cake itself, if you get what I mean (no, of course you don't. I really suck at explaining myself). So well...I guess it's good to see Sialen and Kuoji's relationship develop further. Yay.
Guest chapter 5 . 2/20/2017
I think the romance aspect is going well, so there's that. I just feel that the whole conflict between Corona and Atyama is too black and white. You've clearly portrayed the royal family of Corona to be arrogant, selfish, petty, stupid, backward, superstitious and foul-tempered, with absolutely no redeeming traits save for Sialen. Then you present Atyama as this nation of...well, not exactly saints, but advanced, pragmatic, smart and civilized bunch who value gender equality, etc. It's so black and white, you can tell with a glance who is good and who is bad.

And the whole dialogue Sialen had with her family felt...unnatural. It seemed more like she was this vindictive girl who has been abused by her family, only to come down to the dungeon to gloat over them and crow over her victory. "Muahahaha, karma bit you in the ass, you deserve what you got for bullying me when I was young! Now you're suffering because you refuse to mend your ways and stop being backward!" And while I get that Sialen is somewhat an atheist, the social context for her to suddenly claim the Heavenly Father is an imaginary friend is too much of a leap. Sure, maybe several generations later she could make that statement, but for her to do it so soon after the uh, revolution, is way too unnatural and too much of a leap.

Furthermore, as I said, it makes no sense for her to go visit her family in the dungeon like this. It makes her look like she's gloating over them, and no matter how you justify it, it's just a clear betrayal. Furthermore, Kuoji gives her free reign to punish her own family members however she like? Is that even practical? That makes no sense whatsoever. It reads like the world is warping and changing to fit whatever agenda or goals the main characters have - if it's to show karma and gloat over her family, then the world will conveniently bend over and break the rules of logic for Sialen to stroll in to preach (yes, she's actually preaching even if she's trying to sound wise and progressive) and "get back" at her family for abusing her.

This isn't important, but Sialen probably has no clue what religion is if she thinks the Heavenly Father is an imaginary figure people pray to for problem solving. That said, the whole royal family has a messed up idea of what religion is if they expect the Heavenly Father to swoop down, smite the foe and save them. The whole thing is just so absurd it reads more like a caricature or parody than a realistic portrayal of religion gone wrong. Not that that's a bad thing - you could be intending that all along, but it means the Corona royalty can't be taken seriously, and are just stock characters, or parodies. Well, I don't really care about theology either way unless it's grossly misrepresented for some agenda.

The flashbacks are handled much better than the dungeon visit, to be honest. Allowing Lucas to work in the palace after saving Sialen's life felt much more natural and made sense. Contrasting this logic with that shown in the dungeon kind of make me wonder if you want readers to take your story seriously or read it as a comical parody.
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 4 . 2/14/2017
Finally, the rumors about Sialen receiving facor from Kuoji is abound. I was finding it weird that nobody made any mention of it this whole time, and finally it took the grandfather to voice it out. That makes a lot more sense.

Ayami is awesome. I felt for the guards, really, and when she just told them to go home, I couldn't help but laugh. That was great.

Who are Hauane and Imonje (I almost called him Imhotep) again? Well, I know Imhotep is the emperor. I mean Imonje, ugh. But Hauane is the empress? She's talking about their son, so is she Kuoji's mother?
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 3 . 2/14/2017
I'm not sure about having 2 flashbacks in the same chapter though. It kind of...disrupts the flow of the story. Like present - then flashback - then present again - then flashback again - then back to the present. It's like those rocks in the stream poor Sialen floated down. I can guess that Lucas or Kuoji was the one who saved Sialen from drowning, but when you talk about the memory of how the two met, you would think the focus will be more on Lucas than Solan and his bullying of Sialen.

That's just me, though. Other than that, I guess it was a good chapter, with all the background and stuff.
KarasunoFan chapter 10 . 2/12/2017
I really enjoyed the tenderness between them. But though I am not a vengance fan I was clapping when I read Selestia's judgement against the EarthFather and her own father. A beautiful relationship seems to be evolving between she and Azami, I am starting to ship them.
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 2 . 1/22/2017
That's quite a lot of dialogue. I've to say, Sialen is adapting a little too easily to this invasion, and already hanging out with Lucas or Kuoji. I forgot to mention this last chapter, but I'm surprised they didn't just kill the prince for running at Kuoji with his sword, and they're going to let them live? Normally they would execute the royal family, especially the king, to set an example and as a symbolic act of ending the dynasty, and to prevent future uprisings and whatever, but...whatever.

And I'm surprised the family aren't cursing Sialen. I mean, after the whole dethroning debacle, she's acting chummy with the invaders and hanging out with them more than with the rest of the family. And seeming more than a little pleased. I thought they would find something suspicious about that, and accuse of her being a traitor in cahoots with Kuoji and Atyamai long ago. Seriously, her behavior and actiions certainly seem suspicious if you look at them objectively. She's way too calm, she's socializing with the Atymai people without any reservations or trouble, there is no expression of fear or whatever. We all understand Sialen's feelings from reading her point of view, but from an outsider's point of view, especially her foolish family, wouldn't they suspect something is amiss?
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