|Reviews for The Words|
| Dreamarcher chapter 1 . 5/24/2016
I like the lines - they imply a lot without giving away the reasons of a relationship breakdown, which are different for everyone, that still has lingering feelings.
| Jack Bellows chapter 1 . 11/22/2015
This was a fantastic piece! It hits all the emotions perfectly and I'm sure will get just the right reaction from anyone who reads it.
It sure got emotions out of me, and that's hard for me to do myself! haha... Do keep writing.
| Saigishin 13 chapter 1 . 11/9/2015
interesting, the "your presence stops my heart beat" stanzas really kind of threw me off, but I understood what you were doing, and that was the type of poetry you were writing. Otherwise again, another interesting one.
| ISpyNerd chapter 1 . 11/6/2015
I love how well you illustrate that although it's 'just a break-up' to the outside observer, to the participant it feels like they're losing a part of who they are - that if they go through with it that part of them will 'die'. And that sometimes, even though you desperately feel something you can't express it in words - not enough to make the other understand and stay. Although I get the sense that the relationship was no longer functional anyways.
The repeated phrases are super effective too!
Only criticism I have is regarding the layout (the line breaks) but I get that there's not as much freedom when it comes to formatting on fp. Although maybe that's part of what you were going for? It makes it look like it's written in a notebook which could insinuate that this person is young and that it's their first time to have loved/lost which would explain why they feel it so viscerally.
Great read, and thank you for taking the time to review my story as well!
| letsdotheraindance chapter 1 . 11/2/2015
This is really good! Your lines concisely showed how frustrated, even desperate, the speaker was. I like how you repeated the "heart beat" stanzas, but I especially love how you described their relationship as "being too much" but "never enough".
Keep writing! :)
| Heart of Sorrow chapter 1 . 11/1/2015
Great poem! ;)
| theweekendpoetry chapter 1 . 11/1/2015
Beautiful! So much emotions in such short piece :)
I suggest removing the -.-.-.-.- every time you start a new stanza. And I think you could use a better title.
| Fractal Flaws chapter 1 . 10/20/2015
Have you heard the song Colors by Halsey? Your poem reminded me of it. Love's a treacherous feeling, and you've captured it quite well. Your narrative voice is fairly assertive and I really like that!
| Marjulie chapter 1 . 10/13/2015
It's obvious that the narrator loves her other half but somewhere along there was something/s he did that hurt her to the point that with every love she feels she still remembers the pain she felt.
My last stanza was without a doubt my favourite. The vagueness of it makes you guess whether she wants him to turn around from her or back at her and goes back to the lines:
You presence stops my heart beat
and your smile revives it
Your presence stops my heart beat
but your smile revives it
In my interpretation, he is the cause of happiness and misery in her life.
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 10/13/2015
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing My Psycho. Here is your returned review!
I rally like this!
I like that the stanza lengths vary and the amount of syllables. It makes this very original, which is brilliant, and feels very new, which is fitting considering the recurring theme in the poem is "reviving." Was this subconscious or a conscious decision? It works brilliantly either way.
I love the chorus, particularly the line "you revive me." It's a really powerful message that you're trying to convey and this adds even more emphasis!
I also enjoyed the last line of the poem. Very moving ending, great for impact, and it also wraps the poem up well in terms of rhythm and structure.
It also flowed well grammatically - no errors that I could see.
| pastryninja chapter 1 . 10/13/2015
Are they breaking up or just separating for a short while? Because it sounds like a break-up to me. Anyways, I like how you emphasized the heart stopping and then being revived throughout. Keep on writing!
| Carmel March chapter 1 . 10/11/2015
OOH SO GOOD. Love the bittersweet, confused emotions in this one, because those kind of emotions are so, so realistic in a relationship. I feel like I keep saying this, but great job. Really. You've got such a talent of capturing a feeling in words.
| yanz chapter 1 . 10/4/2015
I've gone through the exact same feelings before, so I can relate so much to this. I like that you subtly emphasize "and your smile revives it" with "but your smile revives me". The repeated stanzas almost make it seem like a song. I like it, keep writing!
| Kira chapter 1 . 10/4/2015
This is like right what I am feeling right now. It is so sad and just what I am going through. Nice job
| zanybellecloudo chapter 1 . 10/4/2015
A beautiful poem with the inner battle to have or not to have... this almost reads song like, a self soothing lullaby to the pain. Very well told and sincere. Thanks for sharing your work.