|Reviews for I Remember Snow|
| Guest chapter 1 . 10/24/2015
| pastryninja chapter 1 . 10/7/2015
I could imagine someone reminiscing like this - you wrote the stream of conciousness well. I also liked how you described things from a child's perspective - the Way In The Back, parents like gods, and the abyss between the bed and the wall. Everything looks so much bigger and dramatic when you're a kid!
But the line about the cat being a feudal lord instead of a pet is completely true (and also my favorite line).
What bothered me though, was the length of the paragraphs. Some were too long, especially the last one, which started to border on "wall of text." I think this could be improved by breaking up some of your paragraphs into smaller paragraphs. And maybe, to show the distinction between memories, use line breaks?
Nevertheless, I enjoyed reading this.
| venatianwings chapter 1 . 10/4/2015
I enjoyed reading this. It was funny and I could picture all the scenes. I noticed you want all your paragraphs to start with 'I remember', I agree it adds a nice touch - but I kind of got lost in the last part which was pretty long and not as easy to follow as the previous bits.