Reviews for Long Distance
Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 1 . 6/23/2017
[I stumbled across your story while browsing. Here are my thoughts. I've put the Editing suggestions in All Caps, since there isn't a way to format these reviews with bold text.]

Characterization: This chapter is short, but I get a clear sense of Allison's personality and her motivations. I think Becky works as a good foil to Allison, and their banter keeps the reader engaged.

Conflict: You have set up two conflicts. Becky's possible pregnancy. Allison's pending engagement to Logan. Great job creating such a tense atmosphere for both characters. It puts a strain on the friendship, no matter which direction their problems go.

Structure: You have set up the story well. There are parallel plots, which both must reach resolution. I'll be interested to read through to the end.

EDITORIAL SUGGESTIONS:

Like any bio major, I'd suffered through URINE ANALYSIS labs in the past,...

We were best friends[period] THAT DIDN'T MEAN MUCH when I could count all my friends on one hand.

I usually try to avoid sentences which repeat words. I tried staying true to your original wording as much as possible. But, I think this works well to get across your meaning.

From compounded by jagged mirror streaks, PROFESSOR Warren washed her hand of my senseless blabbing and left.

I advise against using abbreviations like Prof. in your writing. It's best to write out the word, or if she's a family friend for Allison to think of her using the Professor's first name.

Great first chapter!

~ Fleur-de-lis Evans
Kylex Lumien chapter 17 . 2/11/2016
I'm enjoying the story, so far, though my progress is slow at the moment. The writing is well-paced and the events are engaging. There are a few drops were it can be hard to follow exactly what's being talked about, who's talking and what's said but it generally works out, based on context.
All in all I do recommend people to read this.
mysterygirl450 chapter 1 . 10/23/2015
You have a very good writing style.
Kylex Lumien chapter 9 . 10/18/2015
Very tense and dramatic, my eyes flew across the words, as I wanted to read what happened, very heart-breaking. Looking forward to the next chapter with anticipation
Kylex Lumien chapter 8 . 10/15/2015
Very tense ending and I'm looking forward to read more.
Kylex Lumien chapter 4 . 10/8/2015
it's a very sweet and charming story, the writing flows well and doesn't drag too much but also helps paint a clear picture with interesting descriptive phrases. I'm looking forward to read more.
Kylex Lumien chapter 1 . 10/7/2015
I would really like to read your story, but something went wrong when uploading, it seems. Take a preview, I look forward to reading when it's fixed.