Reviews for Long Distance
Fleur-de-lis Evans chapter 1 . 6/23/2017
[I stumbled across your story while browsing. Here are my thoughts. I've put the Editing suggestions in All Caps, since there isn't a way to format these reviews with bold text.]

Characterization: This chapter is short, but I get a clear sense of Allison's personality and her motivations. I think Becky works as a good foil to Allison, and their banter keeps the reader engaged.

Conflict: You have set up two conflicts. Becky's possible pregnancy. Allison's pending engagement to Logan. Great job creating such a tense atmosphere for both characters. It puts a strain on the friendship, no matter which direction their problems go.

Structure: You have set up the story well. There are parallel plots, which both must reach resolution. I'll be interested to read through to the end.


Like any bio major, I'd suffered through URINE ANALYSIS labs in the past,...

We were best friends[period] THAT DIDN'T MEAN MUCH when I could count all my friends on one hand.

I usually try to avoid sentences which repeat words. I tried staying true to your original wording as much as possible. But, I think this works well to get across your meaning.

From compounded by jagged mirror streaks, PROFESSOR Warren washed her hand of my senseless blabbing and left.

I advise against using abbreviations like Prof. in your writing. It's best to write out the word, or if she's a family friend for Allison to think of her using the Professor's first name.

Great first chapter!

~ Fleur-de-lis Evans
Kylex Lumien chapter 17 . 2/11/2016
I'm enjoying the story, so far, though my progress is slow at the moment. The writing is well-paced and the events are engaging. There are a few drops were it can be hard to follow exactly what's being talked about, who's talking and what's said but it generally works out, based on context.
All in all I do recommend people to read this.
mysterygirl450 chapter 1 . 10/23/2015
You have a very good writing style.
Kylex Lumien chapter 9 . 10/18/2015
Very tense and dramatic, my eyes flew across the words, as I wanted to read what happened, very heart-breaking. Looking forward to the next chapter with anticipation
Kylex Lumien chapter 8 . 10/15/2015
Very tense ending and I'm looking forward to read more.
Kylex Lumien chapter 4 . 10/8/2015
it's a very sweet and charming story, the writing flows well and doesn't drag too much but also helps paint a clear picture with interesting descriptive phrases. I'm looking forward to read more.
Kylex Lumien chapter 1 . 10/7/2015
I would really like to read your story, but something went wrong when uploading, it seems. Take a preview, I look forward to reading when it's fixed.