Reviews for Into the Abyss
Infamous Storm chapter 2 . 11/27/2015
I'm really curious about this voice. You did a good job of getting me into her feelings about her brother.
Infamous Storm chapter 1 . 11/27/2015
All the problems I had with this chapter were addressed by Super Vegito 2. I may have other qualms, but I need to see how the story proceeds. I love the mystery and intrigue you have going though. Looking forward to see where this goes :)
Super Vegito 2 chapter 2 . 11/27/2015
Interesting, I can see something is happening here xD.

The problems here are pretty much the same as the last chapter, and some areas where a semi-colon shouldn't be and a sentence or two perhaps too long.

I can't wait to see where you will go with this. :)

From Super Vegito 2.
Super Vegito 2 chapter 1 . 11/27/2015
An interesting premise. I look forward to see where this might go; however, one thing:
when you have a piece of dialogue, it doesn't matter what kind of punctuation is inside the dialogue, the descriptor afterwards is always going to be lowercase.

"No!" he screamed. "Get the hell out of here!"

"What do you want?" she asked, her voice full of dread. "What's going to happen when I'm gone?"

He slid to the floor. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said with a mirthless chuckle. "Now we're both dead."

Basically:

"Dialogue," dialogue descriptor.

"Dialogue!" dialogue descriptor.

"Dialogue?" dialogue descriptor.

"Dialogue." Dialogue.

When you put a full-blown period in there instead of a comma, the sentence outside of the quotation marks shouldn't be a dialogue descriptor at all.

Example:

"Come." He turned, immediately noticing a vibrant red.

"Wait." She didn't stop.

So basically, the sentences that come after shouldn't be describing the dialogue itself.

There are some exceptions when if a dialogue has "!" or "?" and it isn't a descriptor, for example "I think I should kill you, should I?" He smiled with a sneer full of mirth.
then it is fine to have it as caps. A descriptor is anything describing the dialogue, like for instance the use of 'he said, he hissed, spoke, etc.' Anything that makes use of these are meant to be lowercse.

Also, there are moments in your paragraphs that are separated by a period yet they seem to be the same sentence. There are some times when you can get away with it, if it's for an effect, but it doesn't appear that way to me.

One last thing, please put thoughts in italics so I can discern what are thoughts and what isn't.

At the end, I have no idea what this is: That was way too close. She muttered
What is that? Is she saying that? Or thinking that? Either way that should be lowercase.

I look forward to see where this will go.
ElvenValar chapter 1 . 10/19/2015
nice start