|Reviews for Black Raven|
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 11/8/2015
The paragraphing needs some tweaking. A paragraph should contain one character's thoughts, speech and actions. When the focus shifts to another character, start a new paragraph: "Is that a problem M'lady?" He responded. -should be in a new paragraph. (Also, in dialogue tagged sentences, the first word following the closing quotation mark are capitalized ONLY when it is the pronoun 'I' or a proper name.) New paragraphs would go here: Rosaline's immediate silence answered that question. And here: He cleared his throat. "In my defense, Rosy," He began. "You rarely sleep, you just wander through the halls- in the dark and at night might I add- as if you're a ghost that's secretly haunting us." And so on throughout the text. (And since Zeno knows R is wandering the halls, R isn't really doing anything secretly.)
A fair number of typos should have been caught in a pre-post edit. Needs a little more attention.
| ElvenValar chapter 1 . 11/6/2015