Hi again,

Yet another great chapter. What an interesting thing this would be to be a part of. A treasure hunt for nearly adults!

Hello again!

So I absolutely love the dialog between the two of them when he's trying to convince her to climb the fence. She's exactly right too, it's that point where you get to the top and you're not sure how to get over without killing yourself that is the problem. The climbing itself is often easy. Great natural dialog there :)

Tommy is great, as is Mia. Their conversation and interactions are so natural. It's fantastic. You've got some really convincing characters. Which, in my opinion, either makes or breaks a story.

I like that he sabotaged the teams that were yet to do it. His willingness to be risky and spontaneous are great character traits, but it's not as if you've made him this untouchable character. I get the feeling he'd face the consequences if he was caught.

Hey again!

I like these short chapters. You're just giving these little snippets that don't feel too rushed and they're also nice on the eyes. I really admire that, as in the past I've only ever been able to write long and longer chapters.

I'm still not completely sure on what exactly it is that they're doing, but that in itself is interesting. It definitely keeps the intrique. I also really like that you didn't go into huge detail about every single new character, but rather left their descriptions as brief, or only gave what was relevant.

Like I said in the previous review, I really like your writing style. It flows nicely, and it isn't trying too hard. Great chapter :)

Hey there,

So this was a great start. I really enjoyed this opening scene - something different from most high school based romance stories. It's nice to read something fresh and a little more original.

I also really like these three characters that you have started with. Again, it's really nice to read something where there isn't an overload of all these irrelevant characters being introduced right from the get go. You used the first chapter as a way to set the scene, and to get the story rolling.

I'm finding that often here on FictionPress the main female character usually ends up either constantly being a damsel in distress or incredibly angsty and overly stoic. From what I've read of your character so far she seems overall pleasant and independent. Tommy is an interesting take on the main male character too. Which is really nice. Nothing in the relationship seems too extreme, which is fantastic.

I also adore Al. I really liked that you added an older character in there, and didn't feel the need to overwrite about the fact he was old. Instead you used his behaviours to emphasise that he was older.

Anyway, I'm really looking forward to getting onto the next chapter. Fantastic writing :)

This was a really nice read! The scavenger hunt was really creative. And Tommy is easyily likable :'-) I really liked the part when he said "The winners of nothing monetary, physical or significant." :-D

I liked the ending as well. But is it really the end? Are there going to be more chapters?

I love the story so far! It's moving quickly and doesn't stall in the narrative. I like how the current events dictate the story with the hint of something more just under the surface.

Not sure if you've already recd comments on this but the word is "aisle" not "isle". Also, I'm not sure "consolidate" is right.. maybe "improvise"?

Aww the story is adorable so far. I'm looking forward to read the next chapters, and perhaps getting to know the characters more.

This is cute! Thanks for the Christmas gift of a Christmas themed story! I'm really enjoying right now. I was just slightly confused by the last part of chapter three and the description of the last mission. To my understanding of how Tommy explained the mission, he's supposed to collect all the lights of one color? So more than one red color bulb.