Reviews for Sovereign: Ascension
Kam I Am chapter 9 . 9/1/2016
"It's nothing. Just forget it."

Oh Adello, I see you and your subtle foreshadowing :p. Given that Lorrik plans to talk to the Quartermaster again I'll be interested to see if this comes up.

Ooo SPAG! " between gentle tease and firm warning." ", unneeded quotation mark at the end there. Didn't see anything else :p.

A solid follow-up, Lorrik and Halsten are doing what Syrosk requested and getting acquainted. It was nice. You dropped some backstory about Lorrik previously being a slave, I can't recall if that was previously mentioned, but it provides some really interesting insight for why Lorrik is... The way that is :p. Most would assume he'd have become bitter after such an experience, but he's cheerful as they come.

Halsten's proving more interesting as well, he's a man of contradictions. A meditative warrior. The comparision to Nesk was spot on, and was a good way of keeping him in the reader's mind. It's been a few chapters since we last saw him.

Bit of worldbuilding here as well, with the foodstuff, emphasis on the "stuff". Bricks and pastes, it all sounds terrible xD. The way they preserve it with alchemy is pretty rad.

I feel like this is a trademark sort of chapter for you, it's kind of slice of life-y, but in a way that continues to allow the characters to tell the story themselves. I get the feeling this is the kind of chapter you probably enjoyed writing more than most. I'm invested enough in the characters now, that it's equally effective for me :).
Kam I Am chapter 8 . 9/1/2016
Now I see why you were saying this was the end of the first arc. For the record, it's also been my favorite chapter so far :). It highlights the Lorrik/Halsten relationship, which has been the biggest strength of the story for far for me. Their personalities contrast greatly, but they still work well together - talk, atleast. Able to challenge each other and concede when the other has a point. Time will tell if that actually translates into any meaningful results.

The real meat of the chapter didn't start until Halsten said he didn't mind his weaknesses being pointed out. It's interesting to have a character describe a personality trait like that so openingly. Having a character go and explain what they're all about usually isn't considered very good writing, but it makes sense given who the character is. Halsten is a very matter of fact kind of guy, and I like it :p.

I feel like I should be more critical of the story in general, but it can be hard, and I don't like nitpicking xD. Typically my suggestions come in regards to the plot and such, but this story moves at a considerably more gradual pace than most I've read. Which isn't a bad thing, my feedback's just going to end up being a little different I suppose. I could always space out my reviews a bit more, wait 'till the end of parts, but there's always SOMETHING I want to mention each chapter, and I'll probably forget it at that point :p.

I'll keep trucking along either way, slowly but surely. Trying to savor it ;).
Kam I Am chapter 7 . 9/1/2016
Few hours behinds schedule. Holy crap did you beat up Halsten. Like man, that dude can take some punishment. Was listening to some classical music while this was all going down. Something oddly satisfying about reading about someone getting their face bashed in while jamming to Beethoven :p.

This really felt like a step-up from last chapter, we saw the fight, but it was with Lorrik's added perspective, which gave more weight to the proceedings. And the duel between him and Arlia was probably my favorite of the lot, as it gave that extra dimension to the fight that I mentioned wanting in the last review. And dang, Arlia really pulled out all the stops. Since I know a lot of this has been converted from Acolyte: Ascension, I'm almost tempted to go over and see what this power was in that story :p.

Dialouge's still great, can confirm. In the middle there Lorrik adds some much needed levity to what was once again becoming a depressing affair xD.

The word choice at the beginning was interesting, it made Halsten sound more like a machine than a man. "Functionally intact", really had me thinking. Not a complaint so much as something that caught my interest. He's a different sort of character, and the writing paints that picture pretty clearly.

"You must suffer before you may endure."

I love it. I feel like that's a lesson that Lorrik will be applying to much more than just the scraps he finds himself in. With 50 chapters left to go, I forsee much suffering still to come xD.
Kam I Am chapter 6 . 8/31/2016
Since I'm in this for the long haul, I figured it might be interesting to try and listen to this as an "audiobook", AKA copying and pasting the text and putting it in a text reader xD. Other than the weirdness of hearing all the dialouge sound the same, it worked surprisingly well. Considering how iffy those things can be with punctuation and stuff, it actually worked pretty well. That's a testament to how fundamentally sound the writing is, so kudos!

Anyways, yay action! My favorite :p. And man, did you provide lots of it. As you did with the items the characters presented, you used this as a way to provide some characterization, and show their mindset and ways of going about doing things. It was great. Karja, Rylo, Raz, and Nesk, I know a little bit more about all of them, and it'll be easier to be invested in them now. It's kind of been a slow burn like it was with the new cast in Torrid Squadron, but it'll be all worth it in the end I'm sure :).

As much fun as the fighting was, it did feel a little overly descriptive at times. Maybe it's just a preference thing, as half of the fun for me when reading a fight is seeing a character's reaction to the various different things that are occurring. Since things here don't focus in on anyone person's perspective, and are more an overview, it can be harder to get invested. The descriptions themselves were beautiful, and definitely helped keep me bobbing along. I just wonder if it could be briefer.

Even with that being said though, the final bout between Halsten and Ikard had me hyped. With what happened in the previous chapter I knew Halsten was going to be struggling, so much so that I'm assuming he opted to change his approach in this fight. And that's clearly pissed Ikard off xD. Throwing his weapon to the ground doesn't seem like a good way to make a good first impression. Either Syrosk is going to say this is really good, or really, really bad. Probably the latter xD. Can't wait to find out.
Kam I Am chapter 5 . 8/30/2016
The students first real lesson. Even though it's been a few months since I've dropped in, I was surprised how many of the character's I actually still remembered. Their personalities are distinct enough that the name's are atleast ringing bells, even months later. I'm not neseccarily building connection with any of the other students yet, but I'm sure that will come with time :). A good aid to that were the items they had to present Syrosk, it was another opportunity for me to to reacquaint myself with what they presented, and maybe even glean a bit of characterization based on what they presented.

Lorrik and Halsten's dynamic is as entertaining as ever, and we find them in their first bout of trouble. Halsten's way of doing things seems to have bit him in the ass :p. Things felt a little lengthy at the beginning, so the surge of tension here really helped to keep me with it. It'll be interesting to see how the consequences will change Halsten mindset, if at all.

I like that you still managed to include some humor with the bit at the end. All this punishment and destruction of prized possessions was beginning to depress me :p. The students are as eager as ever to square off, and I look forward to finding out who wins.
Osetto chapter 1 . 8/8/2016
Re: TheRealAustin

My author profile is upfront that this is the same Osetto that used to write fanfiction and that this story is a rewrite of a fanwork to fit a more original setting.
TheRealAustin chapter 1 . 8/8/2016
This is exactly the same as a Star Wars fanfiction I read you may be the same author or one may have copied the other idk
Aminta.defender chapter 26 . 7/25/2016
Man I've fallen so behind reading this story despite it being great. :(

There are a great many things that I could say, but it could be well summarized as good job. You've done a masterful job of building up suspense and I'm excited to read the next chapter despite the limited time I have. There is such a wonderful mystery surrounding Syrosk that taking a guess would feel blasphemous.

I really hope Lorrik gets a bit more time as Ikard is someone who'd I'd happily throw over the proverbial cliff. (I sort of guess that it is the point...) For the other trainees I'd also appreciate some more personality quirks like a strange preference for a food or color, mostly so I could stop mixing them all up.
Skullszeyes chapter 3 . 7/5/2016
I like the dynamic between Lorrik and Halsten. Something about Lorrik being this laid-back yet funny guy and Halsten being stoic. There's something interesting about that, it's cliché, but a good one nonetheless. :D
Each character has their own voice and you bring them to life quite easily. I can't wait to find out more of their growth.
What I really like is the world building, it's fluid and enhancing to the story.
Skullszeyes chapter 2 . 7/5/2016
The characters held with what was happening throughout the chapter. It was a bit mild, but good nonetheless. The conversations went well, but Lorrik and Halsten felt boring. I hope to read more about them. I do have a lot to catch up on since you seem to update regularly. :D
prosaa chapter 42 . 7/4/2016
I personally think part 3 should have been a book altogether. I disagree with spending the amount of chapters as you have on basically a background story.
Nimex chapter 16 . 5/31/2016
Part One Was great!
Nimex chapter 8 . 5/30/2016
Halsten delivered a great speech.
Nimex chapter 1 . 5/30/2016
Chapter 1 Done And Great!
Kam I Am chapter 4 . 5/7/2016
This chapter doesn't cover nearly as much ground as the last two, but it does give us a chance to let us stew with the character's again.

I found Lorrik's interaction with Ornell pretty interesting. It's the first real confrontation (I suppose you could call it that :p) of the story so far, and illustrates that Lorrik is considered more of an outsider than he was even before. You can tell Ornell is pretty salty, and Lorrik doesn't respond well to his jabs. It was a good way of contrasting his usual demeanor, and showing that if he's provoked he isn't quite as cheerful as we've come to expect. Still, anybody who has to tell someone "I've always been better than you", usually doesn't come off that way, to me anyways :p.

The rest of the chapter flows along pretty nicely. The dialouge between Halsten and Lorrik keeps me bobbing through and is a good contrast to the beautiful descriptions you string along. Speaking of descriptions, I see mention of "black-and-white geometric designs". Huh, I wonder where else I've seen those :p.

The bit where they discuss the possessions they plan to present - and Halsten's lack thereof - is probably my favorite bit of insight into the character's so far. The story's really only gone on for three chapters so far, but I already feel intimately familiar with the characters. That's a testament to the writing.

I'm as interested as ever to see where things go from here :).
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