Reviews for Sovereign: Ascension
Hibbidyhai chapter 6 . 2/20/2016
In this chapter the acolytes meet in the duelist ring, with the warriors Karja and Nesk facing off, the casters Raz and Rylo, and the warriors Ikard and Halsten. Each duel is very different, playing out according to each participant's unique abilities. And the message from Syrosk is also tailored for each duel, but with a common theme. Each participant, whether the victor or the loser, has strengths and weaknesses. Each one is incomplete. The use of magic to augment the character's fighting ability is very cool and very believable. I believe there is one more duel left, so I can wait to get to it. Well done.
Aminta.defender chapter 14 . 2/4/2016
Once again an amazing chapter and it tackles... Food!

I liked how you explained food as a cultural unifier because the culture that the reader knows is nonexistent. This tiny tidbit confirms the existence of radically different cultures elsewhere. Perhaps we could actually interact with them?

Reading about the Ministry of Magic was... interesting and made me want to check if this was the right the fic and not Harry Potter. I'd personally prefer more information about how the government is run and life outside of the Academy, but then the characters don't know much about it either. I'm hungry for info... GIVE ME MORE!

Lastly... you left a cliffie and now I'm waiting for the next chapter and am at the edge of my seat. It sounds interesting and I'm rooting for Lorrik. He's somehow become the main character in my mind. Perhaps give the others a bit more story time that makes me "like" them.
Hibbidyhai chapter 5 . 1/29/2016
Just as he has asserted his authority over his students. Master Syrosk owns this chapter. The group of students meet once again outside of the Academy, completing the task given to them. Syrosk sets the tone of his relationship to his students as a teacher, scolding them and putting them in their places as necessary.
No spelling or grammar errors were present, and the dialogue continues to be very good. This chapter is very well polished. The relationships between the characters continue to evolve as we get to know them. Can't wait to see some of the casters tangle with each other and see more magic in action.
Aminta.defender chapter 13 . 1/29/2016
All caught up again.

It was nice to finally get more information regarding the instructor and I can't wait for more about him. Slowly but surely the characters are coming together although I think it would be nice to actually know some more distinct characteristics about them. You've told us they're type, but they're not very memorable outside of Lorrik and Halsten. New abilities are always cool though and it will be interesting as more are discovered. Perhaps you should work a bit on painting the background world more because they're so many snippets of interesting things, but there is nothing to relate them too.

Enough rambling from me, next chapter soon?
Hibbidyhai chapter 4 . 1/29/2016
In this chapter Halsten and Lorrik move into their new quarters and Lorrik confronts a fellow student, getting the opportunity to show off his magical combat skills. It will be interesting to see Halsten show of his own skills, as I'm sure will happen eventually.
This chapter begins to reveal the differences between the main characters and the other students, who were not elevated. I feel like those differences will continue to play out. This chapter is also very well polished, spelling and grammar wise. Another great installment.
anon chapter 1 . 1/29/2016
Nice start.
Hibbidyhai chapter 3 . 1/29/2016
This chapter begins the journey the of the students Lorrik and Halsten under the Dominion Sovereign Lord Syrosk. Their chemistry continues to grow, even as the other students chosen by Syrosk are introduced. Each of the competing pairs of students are unique, and which keeps things interesting. And Syrosk himself is an imposing figure, although his true intentions have yet to be revealed. Dialogue and the descriptions of the world continue to be very good, as the characters personality and the world around is introduced slowly, instead of all at once. Although there a few minor grammar omissions to be corrected, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Caleb's Fantasy Creations chapter 1 . 1/28/2016
Woo, I'm finally starting this! RT was a good way to get me to do it, since I always seem to forget how beautiful your prose is once I'm away from it for a while.

Heh, it was interesting reading this prologue after having read (multiple times, I believe) the one for TA:AA. I can certainly recognize aspects of that story (and the SW world; the Templars and the Sovereigns obviously being this world's version of Jedi and Sith), but it already looks like it will have its own distinct feel.

"destined to ascend or perish"
That phrase was great. It really worked to set up the feel of things for me. That one phrase alone says so much about what the Sovereign Order is like.

Throughout, you really do give a sense of both the Sovereigns as a whole, and the nature of this academy. It isn't even that many paragraphs long, yet it is so filled with content. I must say, as long as your writing can be, there isn't anything there that doesn't hold some significance. It has so much filling in it, yet it doesn't ramble or say anything that doesn't contribute.

I'll be interested to see what the casters are like, and what similarities and differences they have to their inquisitor counterparts. If I remember correctly, Lorrik was an inquisitor so I imagine I'll be seeing quite a bit of casters as I continue.

In my experience, going for a more expositional prologue such as this can be a risky choice, but I think this one did a very good job, and set the Sovereigns and the Academy up so well that I want to see them firsthand. It probably did work in the prologue's favor that the other background information, about the continent and its people as a whole, was fairly sparse and the prologue had a determined focus on one subject, enough to make me invested in hearing about it.

I don't know if you even wanted feedback on the prologue or would have preferred it if I reviewed Chapter 1 instead, but I figured, since this is the first thing people will see, I might as well give my thoughts on it.
Hibbidyhai chapter 2 . 1/26/2016
Sovereign: Ascension Chapter One: Students begins to introduce us to the what looks to be the main characters of the series, an acolyte named Lorrik, and a warrior named Halsten. These two young men are students at an academy for magic run an ostensibly evil empire, the Dominion. This academy is designed for underwhelming or otherwise overlooked students, and they are all desperate to rise up in their standing when a Lord, a high ranking official in this dark empire, is about to visit the Academy.
The writing so far is very good, the characterizations of the characters flow easily you very quickly get a feel for their personalities. Looks like a great start to a very promising story, and I would recommend it to readers interested in magic or a story about the "evil" side for a change.
Aminta.defender chapter 10 . 1/16/2016
Another good chapter. It's nice to see Lorrik and Halsten win and learn of the value of working together. I feel like Lorrik is the only one who acknowledges that other people are better for certain jobs. While Halsten works with Lorrik, he still doesn't see that his partner is a useful ally. It feels as if he knows things, but fails to understand while Lorrik understands more easily.
Aminta.defender chapter 8 . 1/3/2016
I love Lorrik, his character is very enjoyable and fun. It took me until here to start liking Halsten, he's a bit of a conundrum. Should he grow he'll be a great character, but until then he's too bland. Lorrik is witty enough to hold my attention and doesn't go by the expected, yet he also needs to grow more. The characters are being made from scratch. An insight to their pasts may be the way and help you lay the scene better.
Aminta.defender chapter 7 . 1/3/2016
This chapter and the one before that have let me learn a great deal about the characters, which I assume was your intention. On the other hand, I'd like to know how casters and warriors differ more. They're roles are ambiguous which sort of undermines the story you've been building.
Aminta.defender chapter 3 . 1/3/2016
Well I like Lorrik and this chapter felt less like blink and miss, so that's great.

For some reason reading this I feel like I'm reading something belonging to Tolkien, sort of feels like the Hobbit.

To the next chapter I go...
Aminta.defender chapter 2 . 1/3/2016
So far it's good and confusing. There's so much unexplained in these chapters, but I feel like I'm going to like it, my only concern, I need time to read this as I feel that if I were to blink, I'd miss something important. Do continue, I don't care how fast, as long as it gets done at one point.
pff chapter 2 . 12/25/2015
Interesting so far. You've set up a bit of mystery. The characters aren't grabbing on to me much yet, I profess, but they also haven't had much opportunity to do anything yet. In fact, if I may make a suggestion, don't make things go too slowly. Pick it up a bit on the third chapter.
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