Reviews for Ember's Heart
RebekahFyre chapter 77 . 8/15/2016
Trin? Why Trin? Ouch. Dang. Trying to find words.
...nice boots?
Killing beloved characters is hard...
Heart-rending. That's what it is. I want to cry.
RebekahFyre chapter 74 . 8/15/2016
Aaand this is where I start reading new stuff. Yay! I like how Ean had to let go of his anger AGAIN. Your character development for him is fantastic. And the detail of this fight was amazing, got to admit I'm jealous. Terrible at describing war, I am.
Poof, general is dead. What do we do? Kill them all. It isn't glamorous, but it's war. I like.
RebekahFyre chapter 73 . 8/15/2016
I love this chapter. It speaks to me. So thank you for listening to God and writing as He wills.

For some reason, it made me think of a scene from Narnia, where Aslan strips Eustace of his dragon form layer by layer. It seems to me that is what is happening with Ember. Random thoughts.
RebekahFyre chapter 67 . 8/15/2016
Was he banging his head on his knees? It sounded like he was because you repeated him putting his face on his knees twice without him moving elsewhere between.
RebekahFyre chapter 66 . 8/15/2016
:,(
RebekahFyre chapter 59 . 8/15/2016
I like the roller coaster of emotions Ember goes through in this chapter. Angry and defensive one moment vulnerable and sad the next. The previous chapter didn't have much about her emotions besides the logical decision to answer questions, but this one shows the emotional turmoil she's going through. The dialogue brings it out.

Should have said this on the previous chapter, but too much description can get confusing. I know you were trying to describe the city, but the description of the guy's hat left me clueless as to what it actually looked like. His entire head was left as a confusing blob with moving ears and inquisitive eyes.
jgardner13 chapter 77 . 8/13/2016
Overall, I give this an 8/10. The first four parts, up through I believe chapter 70, is a 9-9.5/10 The characters are well constructed with excellent development. The plot and conflict is well conceived and executed with excellent pacing.
However, when we get into the last act, things start to fall apart. The author is clearly writing an allegory here, which in and of itself isn't bad except in the fourth act, the allegory begins taking over the story to the point that both plot and characters are washed out. Ember is no longer recognizable and becomes increasingly passive to the point her character no longer seems to matter. Ean disappears all together. The plot bogs down in tedious, repetitive scenarios aimed solely at making a point rather than advancing the story. These scenes come across as dry and contrived, killing the story's to this point terrific momentum at the moment when it should be hitting the crescendo.
Further note on the allegory. In the first four acts, the author does an excellent job presenting his theological system in a way that fits his world while maintaining an accurate representation of aspects of Christian theology. However in the final act, the author takes the allegory way too far, bringing in parts that do not fit. For example, essentially declaring the book of Hosea, itself allegorical, as part of the universe makes little sense and is too direct for effective use. Using the name Yisreel is also too direct. The use of the communion service made zero sense for the plot and the idea of Yahsaw's dying for peoples' sins came completely out of left field. At no point in the story had that even been hinted at and it makes no sense in this universe as presented. For that to work, a lot of exposition it's necessary to explain the whos, the whats, the whens, and most importantly the whys of that ever happening here, as the Bible explains it for our world. Also how and why that matters here needs to be fleshed. Otherwise it comes across as forced and contrived.
A final critique is on terminology. While I give the author credit for creating his own unique measurement terms, they have no meaning for me as I have no clue what a kella or a feld or height is. Thus there use does not help me picture the scene. Either use conventional measurements or provide a conversion table so I can understand them. Likewise, stick with a single name for deities and peoples. Is Ean a Tixirie, a Liltan, an Anjelli(sp?)? One thing he is certainly not is human, as humans have neither wings or tails. The repeated reference to definitively non-human beings as human is confusing. Also, is it Yahsaw, Kai, Aihay, or Attah? I assume all refer to the same deity but there are questionable moments. The names seem to be completely and randomly interchanged, which is confusing. Picking one name and sticking with it would be best; two is acceptable so long as separate contexts for their use is clearly defined.
Overall, a good story. I found it compelling up to the last act. Great characters, interesting setting, and excellent plot. Rework the last act and this one is gold
RebekahFyre chapter 76 . 7/19/2016
Sorry, been gone for months. Her desperation is very real, and your description of the truck is vivid. I should go back and reread it all so I can review better. Will do that.
I love it, keep going!
VendettaSmiles chapter 81 . 7/19/2016
Excellent portrayal of the power of temptation. Oh, how reasonable it can sound. Glad to see Ember recall the story of the prophet (and good job to the author in working in Hosea) in the nick of time and choose to resist temptation ' s call.

Well done. This remains an excellent story.

Vendetta
VendettaSmiles chapter 78 . 6/26/2016
It's good to see Kaim's perspective picked up again. I think he will add a lot to the development of this the story as he wrestles with what he perceives to be the right things to do. He seems like a believable example of one trusting in their own wisdom. Interested to see where his character goes.
RebekahFyre chapter 75 . 5/28/2016
Whooooo! Escape! And resisting temptation! And killing that idiot! Or is he dead? But whoooo! Go Trin!

I'm rather curious about how the biology of Garagan mating works, but it's better that you didn't describe it. Stars, Trin has a lot of titles. I didn't even know what half of them meant. Or maybe I do and I just have to go back and read the story.

I liked it. Can't wait to see where it goes from here!
BCPowerhouse chapter 75 . 5/27/2016
By the time this chapter finished, I wanted to jump up and holler "WOO-HOO." Thank you for all of the work you have put into this! This story is absolutely amazing!
Kregard chapter 74 . 5/23/2016
Although I have really come to love this story, I can hardly say that I enjoy where things are going. Then again with every romance a tragedy is soon to follow. Keep up the good work and I look forward to the next installment.
Kregard chapter 51 . 5/20/2016
This has got to be one of the most powerful chapters I have read in a very long time. Well done and well put.
LorrahBear chapter 1 . 5/17/2016
I love how you started the chapter with calm and ended it with an escape. I do wonder how long a cow will keep her fed - how big is she in relation to a cow if she can snap it's spine with her jaws - indicating she can get her full mouth around an entire cow?

I really liked how you opened with "Could fire be cold?" but I felt that the transition between it and "Ember wondered" felt a little stilted, almost like they belonged on the same line - but I don't think that's the effect you're wanting. With that in mind, you might move the "Ember wondered" to a little later in the second paragraph - maybe describe her slinking towards the city first?

You give us just enough hints about her power and the farm and the town to do some really decent world building without weighing me down with facts. I am left really interested in what comes next. Great job!

Oh and the boy smacking her with a bucket made me smile. Kid's got spunk!
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