Reviews for Ember's Heart
shadowstrike31415 chapter 13 . 1/18/2016
That was a good chapter. As always, I'm looking forward to the next one.
Just a small question, though.
Does Ember always respond with fear? I realize that she is in a strange place and could be killed, but still! She's a fire breathing monstrous shapeshifting monster! Surely she has a right bit more courage than an average monster?
Ckh chapter 1 . 1/17/2016
From the Roadhouse~
Interesting decision to work around the concept of dragonkind here. From what I understand, describing a dragon in dragon form (for mutliple chapters) is a tad difficult without metamorphosis into human form. Hope you got all the dragon mechanics planned out, and actions too.

The story itself is pretty well written and engaging. I could see it being capable enough to draw readers in due to summary and first chapter alone, and the descriptions are a nice touch to the story. By introducing Ember's limitations, her worries and whatnot, you have established quite a lot in the first chapter, including the atmosphere too. Good job on that.

-Ckh
shadowstrike31415 chapter 6 . 1/16/2016
How can they tell where she changed to human? How can they tell she changed to human and not an animal, etc? How can they tell she is a female? There are some questions left unanswered, though it may be explained latef.
I do like the first sentence, though. It gave good, I vivid description. Description is good.
-Kat :D
Potatopeople chapter 8 . 1/13/2016
I'm really enjoying this story! I hope you've got more planned in the future!
Whirlymerle chapter 2 . 1/10/2016
Hey there! I’m back!

I think this is quite a good chapter, so most of my nitpicks will be nitpicky. Take them for what they’re worth.

[switched on a lamp] So I’m not super familiar with medieval technology (and given that this is fantasy, I suppose anything goes] but what kind of lamp would have to be “switched on”? I imagine that it wouldn’t be lit, so Ean’s not using oil or fire or anything. Just a question I had while reading.

I love how you describe passing of time by the way sunlight appears around the edges of the curtains. It’s really clever and vivid imagery.

So Ean appears to be a pretty religious guy. He’s mentioned two deities (I think?) in the opening paragraphs, Atteh/Attah (it’s spelled Atteh in the beginning, but he prays to Attah in the last sentence, unless they’re different?), and Kai. While I really do appreciate that you don’t info dump, I think that withholding too much information could cause your readers to be detached from the writing because there’s just too much that’s unfamiliar and unanswered. For example, I might be completely wrong that Atteh and Kai are gods. Assuming that they are, I think, what could make Ean’s praying even more meaningful is if are get why Atteh and Kai are meaningful to him. What do they stand for and why does that matter to Ean?

[the other person and a distant cousin] I think “the other person” sounds a little awkward. Since you say in the previous line that there’s one other person at the table and you show her eating eggs, I think readers can straightforwardly assume that she’s that person, and you can just leave it at “a distant cousin.”

I like the detail about Ean tugging on Tala’s wings. It’s great because it’s a good lead into the fact that she has wings, and also shows their familiar relationship.

So it seems like Ean is an engineer of infrastructure while Tala does weapons? I like the interactions between them, their personalities balance each other’s nicely. I especially like the different ways they react to the twins.

[The sounds of turning wheels… submerged him] So I think you have some great imagery and onomatopoeia going on in the story, but I also think the gerund-noun combo here is way too much of a good thing. Perhaps the intended effect is to overwhelm and totally saturate the atmosphere, but I think that mission is accomplished at 4-5 of these little phrases. I personally don’t think additional phrases add much to what you already have, and on top of that, the eye tends to wonder.

[flowing, falling and crashing] In contrast, I think here the imagery is really vivid, concise, and well placed.

Okey-doke, so the plot thickens. I’m guessing Ean will be one of if not the protagonist of the story? I think you set up the introduction to his character nicely. He seems to have knowledge and interest in the mechanisms of things, which may come in handy when he goes on this quest. He’s a little shy/reserved in a nice way, and obviously cares about his people.

He’s obviously anxious about the safety of his people, but he does the princely thing and doesn’t show it. I think you successfully set up enough characterization to pique the audience’s interest in seeing how he handles the situation. Nicely done!
shadowstrike31415 chapter 3 . 1/10/2016
Maybe describe the dragon more? Is she humanoid to some extent to be able to "blend in"? Also, what specific creatures do you have in here. You mentioned one with pointed ears and wings, but I couldn't picture it because it wasn't described that much other than simply the sings and ears... :(
Whirlymerle chapter 1 . 1/6/2016
Hi there! Returning your review!

[or a human form linger at a window] I think it reads better as “a human form would linger” to match “a shadow would pass”

I like the opening of “could fire be cold,” and later, the line “she was fire.” At first, the opening line is intriguing because it’s kind of philosophical but when we read further, we realize that the line is actually talking about Ember being cold, so I thought that was really cool.

I think the recharging power via sunlight idea is pretty cool. Yay solar power! ;D

One thing that I think is very successful in this chapter is the amount of tension that sustains this chapter. I was definitely reading with bated breath, thinking, is she gonna make it. I think the fact that you outlined her plan and described each step so vividly made the chapter work very well.

My biggest question reading the piece is how big is Ember? She has “vast wings” but can she really fit in the gate of a cattle pen? I didn’t quite get why she can’t just fly low over the gate. Would that really make her more noticeable than a creaking gate? I know you discussed a bit about her rationale for her decisions, but I’d appreciate a bit more.

That said, maybe my questions will be answered in following chapters—there’s no need to info dump in the first chapter. I will be patent ;). I think it’s really neat that the protagonist of your story is a dragon. I would be interested in seeing where you take the story.

Overall, very well written chapter. Nice work!
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