Reviews for Shattered Fortress I: Visitors
Darth Zannacross chapter 10 . 12/11/2019
And so today we learn, Drycana is a rather, messy and intense subject. Almost like the Force, but a tad more explosive. Not sure if Rasmusen is on the level or just using these fellas, well, one thing at a time.

Well, meanwhile Azad is getting closer to uprooting the secrets causing him trauma, unless it leads to greater trauma.

Well, not needing to eat, and not being able to taste is a pain but, being unable to die vie aging and other things seem like a worthy trade off.

Thanks to carelessness Dryn Mar was able to make her grand prison break. Well, its going well so far but she might get careless with the power rush. We will see, but, a fun chapter so till next time keep up the good work.
Darth Zannacross chapter 9 . 12/1/2019
Always a tricky thing figuring out what to do with a person that combusts. Well, keeping the prisoner from having any visitors will not help his mood, isolation mix's well with hardly anyone.

Well, a lot of debating on what COULD be the best idea, guess we will see what ends up as the best result. Till then keep up the good work and till next time.
Darth Zannacross chapter 8 . 11/29/2019
I wonder if crystalline prisons are worst then normal prisons? Depends on if they are softer or harder to lean on lol.

Well, Moana has a lot more pressing issues to work on at the moment clearly, oh my.

Well, Bryne seems back, but not ALL the way back if you know what I mean.

Not sure if its just a side effect of waking up or some lasting damage? Maybe Giga Ross had the answer? We will see soon I guess. Well, another interesting chapter so keep up the good work and till next time.
Darth Zannacross chapter 7 . 11/28/2019
Lets see if I can get a bit more momentum for a while. Well, seems Cyrus is not a winter person eh? Ah, he's lucky his boss's are nice enough to revamp the day cycle. Seems Azad and Cyrus are not on the same page, if not the same book. Not sure how much trouble will be caused from this but should lead to a intense direction.

Keep up the good work and till next time.
Darth Zannacross chapter 6 . 11/27/2019
Damn, time flies but lets see if we can catch up a bit hear.
Cyrus has stumbled into some ominous stuff hear.

Reaching out to those long lost can be risky, thankfully Cyrus did not get lost, so far at least.

Azad is still being cautious but, after all that's happened that's understandable. Well, forced to confront his own dark past but, could have gone worst. Will the power of love prevail or come out short?

So, the start of his legacy of seeing birth's through? We will see how things go from hear.
Darth Zannacross chapter 5 . 3/20/2019
Ela seems to have quite the mystery, hopefully not the lethal kind of mystery.

Ah well its good that Cyrus does not think the prisoners deserve to die cause that might have made it a tad awkward to go forward lol.

Well, hopefully Katan wont be having to much trouble in store for Dishad.

Things are building into a interesting direction, the various unique things your world has seems like its going to be leading in a fun intense direction so we will see how it goes.
Darth Zannacross chapter 4 . 3/10/2019
Vicious beasts that can only feel one emotional extreme at a time, sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Speaking of disaster, clearly Taleb has been through a wild ride, curious to know more about this order and this Brekkus since he clearly has a grudge with this fella.

Well, there are a lot of ways this story can go so just curious to see if the one I predicted works out. Keep up the great work and till next time.
Darth Zannacross chapter 3 . 3/9/2019
Flash backs of losing body parts can be rather traumatic, not sure how losing wings would feel but might feel rather painful.

Damn, this legacy of slavery sounds long and bitter, which means ripe for story elements.

We will see what kind of interrogation Taleb will give , see where it leads to. But things keep shaping up in a interesting fashion so keep up the good work and till next time.
Starart152 chapter 1 . 3/8/2019
This is a nice way to begin the story. There is no info dumping and the information are based on what the character Zee knows about. We know a lot a few things about his personality and his aspiration by his fascination for the world below. You also give us what the story might be about with the little details of possible danger coming toward his island.
Darth Zannacross chapter 2 . 3/8/2019
Things are taking off rather swiftly, nice.

This seems like a vastly different situation then what was going on with Zee but its been cool so that's good lol.

Things are a lot more high tech then the previous chapter looked, and that's quite cool.

Geeze, more faceless chaps then in a Doctor Who story and Face off combined lol, sets the stage quite well.

A lot of directors going around, we will see who lives to have the spotlight but Dishad and Cyrus are my fav's so far. Quite a intriguing look at your world, and till next time.
Darth Zannacross chapter 1 . 3/6/2019
Been looking around and this story caught my eye so lets see what we got here with this Zee.

Well, Zee really seems to want to have a boat lol. Not to much to go on in this prologue other then us getting a taste of what drives Zee, and he seems like a brave chap. Guess we will see just how brave soon enough but till then nice start.
BradytheJust chapter 2 . 12/28/2017
Hmm, so I'm not the only one who walks around while talking to myself to think things through hmm?

I like Cyrus's character already, and I loved how you compared the movements of his thoughts to a rolling stone. I also like how he's an empath, which is also like me. Very emotional!

Having an empath as an envoy would come in handy, and I can't wait to see how everything works out!

I also really enjoyed the Interface and the constant war between emotions and logic between Cryus as he accessed the interface. Great chapter and I can't wait to read more!
BradytheJust chapter 1 . 12/28/2017
No! Not the telescope!

I finally get a chance to start reading your stories and I get a chapter where a telescope is gone! Still, an island in the sky is a very interesting setting and I've always like the steampunk-equse idea of flying ship.

Hmm, that might be an idea for my next novel! :) Anyway, you managed to describe everything really well and I can't wait for more!
The Warrior Poet chapter 13 . 12/21/2017
And the Dryn Mar live to rebel another day.

A lot of interesting tidbits here as the prisoners earn a stay of execution. It sounds as though the confines of their imprisonment have loosened somewhat, but not to a degree that will be satisfactory to either Cyrus or the Dryn Mar. Taking down a few walls won’t change the fact that they are still there against their will, nor will it cause the Dryn Mar to forget that their captors were ready to execute them.

Cyrus’ reaction after Moana’s Drycana display is curious...perhaps his feelings toward her have shifted somewhat beyond friendship. That should be ripe for exploration in the next two stories, but perhaps I am misreading things.

Final thoughts:

You have crafted two very interesting societies here, societies so different that they could almost come from two different stories. I am equally interested in both of them. The workings of the Crystifice and the dystopian structure of Bron Nasaal are the two most interesting things about that society, while the rebellion and workings of Drycana are what grab me most about the Dryn Mar.

There are some great moments of prose in the story, and the characterization of Cyrus was especially well done. I feel like I know him, now, and there is not much more that we writers can aspire to. We want our readers to know our characters as well as we ourselves know them, and I feel as though you accomplished that very well.

If there is one suggestion for improvement I could offer, it would be concerning the structure of the story. I don’t know if the three Shattered Fortress stories are supposed to be three independent stories in the same series or simply the same story in three different parts. If we are talking different stories in the same series I would try to have a clear beginning/middle/end with a denouement that hints toward more to come in the next story. As it is, it feels like this story is a bunch of chapters in the middle of a book with a short prologue at the beginning. There are no real climactic moments or upping of odds, so it feels somewhat incomplete in that regard. The twist involving Zee was a great addition, though.

Personally, I like a very defined story arc. It is simply a personal preference of mine which you may take with a liberal sprinkling of salt.

Very well done! I am looking forward to the next part!
The Warrior Poet chapter 12 . 12/21/2017
A wonderful twist!

I was becoming curious about when/if we would learn more about Zee (I was beginning to believe it wouldn’t be until the next story) but his true identity came as quite a surprise. I am definitely able to better understand Azad’s motives none now.

I find myself wondering if Moana’s friendship with Cyrus was entirely feigned or if it became sincere during the weeks that have passed with the Dryn Mar in prison. Something tells me that -like Cyrus- Moana has become more attached then she was supposed to during this process.

Taleb is ready strike. Looking forward to seeing how things play out!
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