|Reviews for Ian|
| kenxepe chapter 3 . 3/31/2016
I enjoy the fast pace of the story.
| Mason Wind chapter 1 . 1/24/2016
I'd start with the second sentence as your first... and if you really want to go for a mystery vibe I would take out the 3rd one altogether... and instead of 4 - put something like "Everything changed the day I met Ian and I will never know why he chose me..." then we don't know if Ian is good or bad and we hopefully read on to find out.
Ok - he sounds like a total psycho... but was there anything about him that would make him like-able? Was he really good looking? Anything?
It's much more creepy if we (the reader) kinda like him or we can see confusion for you in your decision to ignore or try to get away from him. He seems a little like a caricature (and also like this is real experience for you or someone you know - which can be very emotionally charged and cathartic for you).
I can't say that even as a 'Psikho' he's going to have any luck at all with "Bitch Answer me" for an opener. I kept waiting for him to do something even remotely appealing... you've hinted that you thought he was 'harmless' but he wasn't ... but there is no evidence in your story that he was anything less than an obnoxious nutter.
Did the lead ever date him? Maybe you just haven't gotten to that part yet. Keep going.