|Reviews for Dream Walker|
| rika195 chapter 2 . 3/21/2016
This chapter is better than the last, and I love how the dream world merges and fits with the real one, and the foreshadowing that you've put in. I'm VERY curious to see how it turns out. But MAN! That twist at the end! "Kathy, where are the people?" makes you realize there is a lot more going on here than just an interesting dream.
There are some great moments here, keep it up!
| rika195 chapter 1 . 3/21/2016
This is a really promising story! It is a little rough around the edges as far as flow goes, it was a bit of a slow start, but that's really the only thing I could think of as something to suggest working on. Overall I really like the premise, the idea of dreamwalking and meeting other real people (but in a fantasy sort of setting that promises this isn't just dreamwalking) is fascinating! The characters are interesting and believable, they sound like real people. And the main guy has promise too. I am excited to see how he grows, and I am rooting him on in things like his adventure and hoping he will get a book published one day! (That was good writing advice, by the way, and good for him to hear). I think you've got a great idea and a great story taking place, and I am looking forward to reading more. Keep it up!
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 1/27/2016
This is interesting enough that it deserves a better presentation.
In Paragraphs 3/4, there's a discontinuity: In P.3 Philip wakes up on the mossy forest floor, then in P.4, he stops off at the bar on the way home. Where's the bar? If Philip woke up twice, once in the forest and again in his room, and _spent the day at work_ the reader would like to know.
P.47 inextricable? How about _inexplicable_? _Inextricable_ –'impossible to separate or to escape from', doesn't fit the context.
Dialogue tagged sentences: starting with P. 5) "You're a regular, that's for sure." Kevin admonished as I swiveled in my seat. -many dialogue tagged sentences are incorrectly punctuated. If you want the jargon of grammar: who says what makes one complete sentence. Therefore, don't put the dialogue in a sentence by itself. Instead, use a comma(or a question mark or an exclamation point; just NOT a period) like this: '"You're a regular, that's for sure(COMMA)," Kevin admonished …'
These two are different: 10) "That? It's a new take on the Manhattan." He shrugged. -this is correct, because 'shrugged' is not a synonym of 'say'. This is a bit of dialogue and a narrative sentence. P. 11) "Manhattan, it's got nothing in common." I laughed and turned to his protégé, "has he made you try this?" -this is incorrect: first, 'laughed and turned' are not synonyms for 'say' and second, if they were, the first word of the dialogue should be capitalized. Try: I laughed and turned to his protégé, saying, "Has he made you try this?" & P. 12) "I tried it yesterday." The student replied, looking up from his book with an annoyed look in his eyes. -wrong, like P. 5, 15, 17, 21, etc all the way to P. 67, and all can be corrected in the same way: use a comma.
53) She turned around, cloak floating back in the ethereal breeze, revealing a floral nightgown, and knee-high leather boots, and she tossed back her hood. She looked at me inquisitively, not saying a word. Why does Philip think it's a nightgown? What about the dress is 'nightgown-like'?