|Reviews for Origin|
| DreadNation chapter 1 . 8/8
Hmm, well, I certainly did not hope that'll come to this. But like a wise man once said "good things never last forever." Now, this is totally my opinion and it should be taken as such. Should any hate be given towards me, furthermore proves to me that we live in a mindless, brainless, and zombified society.
Anyway, where should I even begin? I guess we should start with the good stuff first. So that I can show you, the good points I saw in this story. So, right off the bat. The story brings a new sort of feeling that I haven't experienced in a long time. Our view and most of the things are hindered by the fact that we are basically inside Simone's mind. Which has ups and downs? But since the story, you were going for complemented this sort of writing. I applaud you Addison Britt for making us care for Simone.
Characters like Simone, who are female characters are hard to come by. She isn't your typical "empowering, mary sue, strong, female character" that we see in the modern-day. More times than not, Simone's character helped the story grow into something that was thought-provoking, something that most female characters in our modern age don't have. Examples as Captain Marvel and Rey are enough to tell you, how superior a FanFiction character is. And this is both embarrassing and amazing at the same time. You did a stellar job and credit must be given where it is deserved.
Simone wasn't the only character that I grew to love, far from it, each character so far has had some sort of character development and arc that they underwent, some arcs were smaller in comparison with the others, but there was some sort of development. Which should bring the story to a satisfying conclusion... more on that later. Anyway, Bealfire. He was an asshole, narcissistic, fucking douchebag, selfish dick. That's the feeling everyone would get from his beginning character stage.
But, you slowly deconstructed him and you made him grow into a more... selfless being. Sure, he may crack a remark or two, every once in a while. But he isn't the same person as he once was in the beginning. And my point is, to cut this short, every character changes in the end. And I applauded you for not overlooking other characters whilst you were concentrating on getting the main characters developed. That being Simone and Bealfire. And now, comes the bad part of this review. How I should start... well, it certainly doesn't have anything to do with the way you constructed this story. I thought it was good for what it was. It tried to be more than meets the eye, and bring the viewer in this thriller packed story, which at times, makes you feel as if you were with those people in that situation. Yeah, you could have made it much more clearer on what the Angels are and what this Origin program was. But I have a feeling that you made things up as you went along and you corrected them when you saw that they didn't seem to fit the story. Which is not bad.
Now, I am deeply disappointed that this has become the legacy of your story. I'll get more on that. I was busy most of the time. So I couldn't find the time to read your chapters. I didn't get to see the conclusion for myself. Since the Covid-19 pretty much fucked the world upside down and told it, it was okay. Anyway. So I simply couldn't get to read the following chapters. And then, I got busy with mostly school and finally finishing my classes and graduating like a badass motherfucker. Which I did. As I was saying, once I came back to this. I thought to myself "I remember this FanFiction I used to like. It had a good romance and a good story. Let me see if she finally concluded it," and I was right. But I was also wrong... in the sense that the story was still up to read. And I'll get to that.
Back to the point, when I hopped on FictionPress and I saw your Origin story. I was shocked to witness that it only had 6 chapters... out of 52. I thought to myself "did something happen?" and I'm not going to lie. I felt as if my heart was pumping more blood than it should have. I was worried. When I found out that you re-uploaded the story again... I thought to myself "No way in hell am I reading that thing again. I got so far... and I don't have much time to waste on a story I already know and wish to get the conclusion on," and when I got to your sixth page. I saw something... questionable. Now. I feel in two certain ways about this. Here is the first one for me anyway: I felt as if the moment your story has become successful you took the money route and now you made it into a novel. Which is fine. But you re-uploaded a few chapters, only to tell us, the viewer, to buy your book instead of keeping it like it was. And I have a mixed bag here. A part of me understands that there is no point of releasing a novel and selling it for a few bucks when it is already for free on FictionPress. I supposed I was unlucky and I didn't get the conclusion. Which makes me a bit madder. But hey... when life says fuck you. You can't do much, now can you? Anyway, I understand why you did it. I'm more upset that it had to be like that. For me, it feels disappointing. And I know, your book doesn't ask for much. And I'm not complaining about the price. I just graduated, so getting a job will take some time. So yeah, for people who have a job, is no big deal. But for me. Eh, kind of is. Maybe once I get a job, I'll spend those bucks to read the conclusion. But for me, the story was perfect as it was. There was no need to tie up some loose ends or whatever you stated in your Author Note. But I guess it's just me. The unpopular opinion, but hey. I'm glad I have it, otherwise, this would have been a boring interview. Anyway, that's all I got for you, Addison Britt. I wish you the best of success with your future projects. And if I had any sort of request or favor to ask is this.
Don't forget who made you into who you are. We as fans made you and gave you the opportunity to release this novel so that the people from the wide world can have the same experience as we had. A joyful ride into an amusement park. Do not forget us. We will not forget you. Farewell now.
| Tifanny91 chapter 53 . 6/19
I want to cry! I can't get over the fact that Simone and Baelfire's love is impossible! My mind, soul and heart just cannot process it! Gaaahhhh whyyyyy :'( Just when it looked like they could finally find happiness, when they'd finally accepted and embraced their feelings! NOOOOO! I knew that things would take a turn for the worse when Simone saw Polux. But I didn't expect it to be this bad. My heart is broken :'(
I love that you ended the story with Baelfire's POV. It gives the remaining events an emotional intensity and finality that would not have been there had we seen them through Simone's eyes. I also love that you've put that wall of mystery around her. For all that we've endured along side her, it feels like we never knew her in the end. Not truly, anyway. Baelfire's feelings and emotions are also ours in that sense. As a reader, I wish her to be happy, to finally find peace, to enjoy her life with those she loves. But it seems that it's not meant to be. She's fated to be on a lonely path, constantly running, searching for the meaning of her existence. She's forever selfless and dedicated to protect others. That, in essence, is the truest form of love.
I'm divided between hating Cobra and admiring his indéfectible loyalty towards Simone. He's clearly in love with her, although he doesn't seem to acknowledge the feeling. I hate to admit it, but, considering everything they've been through, he's most probably the best alternative match for Simone. I suspect it's not reciprocal. But given how complicated the situation is at the moment, he'll do, I guess. Sigh. Have I ever told you that I hate love triangles :-(
Anyway enough rambling for today. I look forward to the epilogue and the snippets. I'll go try and drown my sorrow in a banana bun in the meantime.
PS: You're welcome in my PM inbox any time 3
| ConfigurationSpace chapter 53 . 6/18
So many details, so many good storytelling decisions, so many tantalizing loose threads left! I'm very intrigued by where you took this, and I think it was an interesting decision to end it on a Baelfire interlude (despite the epilogue that's still coming). It's amazing how the power dynamics progressed throughout this story – hell, even throughout this last chapter. I do wonder if Simone suspects what Castor confirmed when he re-ran the compatibility test, and I'm so insanely curious to know what will happen once she and Cobra are on the road together without Baelfire breathing down their necks. I love that you engineered it to happen that way, down to the name reveal!
I think it's interesting that Baelfire didn't get his chance to be the hero, in part because Simone didn't trust him to, nor did she give him much of a chance to in the moment. I also think it's interesting how much Simone wants to be the hero by the nature of her insistence upon taking responsibility for things, even if she doesn't view it that way because she's more interested in atonement. I respect them both a lot more given how things ended, but it's bittersweet. I actually like Baelfire now compared to my animosity towards him earlier in this story, but I have to admit, I like Cobra more :3 You just did such a dang good job with him!
It's been a joy to read your writing Addison, and I would definitely support any pushes for publication you make in the future. I've really enjoyed following this story and seeing its many branches interlink, and it's so cool to step back and see how it all came together. Wonderful work!
| Tifanny91 chapter 52 . 6/17
This confrontation is not exactly what I expected. I'm not disappointed in the least. I love how you manage to catch me off guard.
I'm as troubled as Simone. Of course I knew Polux was a child from what Baelfire said. But, to finally meet him, the source of all her and Baelfire's misery... I'm at loss for words. It's just a game to him, a sick, demanted game. It's disturbing. Children shouldn't possess so much power and strength, especially if there's no one to look over them and make sure they don't get out of control.
That said, I can't wait to read what happens in the next chapter. What will the sentence be? What will Simone do? How will she cope with the fall out? She's still in a sensitive emotional spot so I'm admittedly concerned. And how will Baelfire deal with her last transgression? Hopefully he won't be too harsh on her. It was out of her hands after all. I also think that she needed to face the instigator of her mother's murder. It's an important step towards recovery.
I love how you depicted the cavern and its surroundings. It is what I would call a deadly beauty. It's perfectly fitting that the long awaited meeting with Polux takes place in this strange and mysterious place.
| xoxluurve chapter 51 . 6/14
Enjoyed the realistic reaction from Simone and Cobra's influence on her decision making process (even though we all know Simone would, in the end, make the right decision anyway. Though I am unsure about what it means when Cobra says that the Atavists want to follow her. Like follow her to do what exactly? It sounds very cool, but I can't really imagine what that would entail. Also wondering how old Baelfire really is. Young enough that he is able to masquerade in a high school without suspicion from the teaching staff, but old enough to be the most powerful person and head of a secret organization? It'd be nice to get a background of his story, and how the hierarchy really works at the initiative. I try not to think too much about this because I get chills when I imagine someone who's decades older falling for someone barely legal (probably because of Twilight lol), but I can suspend my disbelief for Bae and Simone.
Just some constructive criticism: I re-read the story, and I noticed in the middle of the story you switched from past to present tense, before switching again to past tense in the latest updates. I would also note the adverbial tags/dialogue tags used throughout the story. In some cases it feels like a bit excessive in that there's too much variation (he surmised, she warned, she hissed, she demanded, she offered) - I would encourage not to shy away from "he said/she said" dialogue tags. Here's a helpful website: https(:)(/)(/) .com(/)academy(/)he-said-she-said-dialog-tags-and-using-them-effectively
(just remove the parentheses)
When writing, I tend to think of this quote: "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass." - Anton Chekhov
Hope this helps - happy writing!
| Tifanny91 chapter 51 . 5/29
Well well! Castor knows, now. I knew that Baelfire would have to be coaxed into telling him the truth. But those wings! Can he even use them anymore? Probably not considering their miserable state! My heart is as broken as those poor things :(
Also, props to Cobra for convincing Simone to do the right thing. Her reaction is completely understandable. Neither he nor I would ever blame her. But she's not like that. She's too good to let someone die, even if they hurt her.
Ah, if only Origin was real! Just imagine the amount of pain it would soothe! Of course, its use would have to be closely monitored. But I wish...
Looking forward to the final battle :)
| Tifanny91 chapter 50 . 5/20
Aaand there we have it! The moment we've all been waiting for since Simone kicked Baelfire's groin! The moment they finally surrender to their inner desire! Yaaayyyy! **Starry eyes**
Now that this is out of the way, we can focus on the final battle. Well, Simone needs rest first. Then she can figure out all about Origin and the full extent of its ability. I'm glad that Neil is OK. Simone would not have been able to live with it if he had died.
Good luck with self publishing. I wish I could be of help. But all I can do is hope for the best. Until next time. You too stay safe and amazing :-)
| xoxluurve chapter 50 . 5/18
You are so very welcome, thank you so much for sharing your story with us.
I literally burst into laughter when you mentioned having to google synonyms for 'chiseled'. Anyone who has written a story with a female noticing how a male looks struggles with that. LOL, made my night. That being said, I LOVED the way they got together in this chapter. It was sweet, a lovely cherry on top of the struggles they faced to make it to this moment. I also honestly thought Neal would die and Ellie would end up hating Simone - glad that wasn't the case. Sounds like this is slowly wrapping up - am looking forward to Baelfire's confrontation with Pollux and just generally finding out how the whole program works, Pollux's motive behind the killings, and what is to become of everyone, really.
I haven't done it myself, and if you're referring to e-books, but I know a lot of people use Amazon to self publish. I would look into it though, as in just the general algorithm Amazon uses to for books that are 'uploaded' there i.e., how books are viewed, how consumers are exposed to the books, etc. Also, I've seen people use Smashwords. Can't really vouch for them, but it wouldn't hurt to look into it either.
Anyway as always, looking forward to the next chapter - stay safe!
| Jude Blake Gabriel chapter 50 . 5/18
Amazing chapter as usual.
Thank you for not killing Neal. I know Ellie said it wouldn't have changed anything but I don't think I could have dealt with that
| Siuzen chapter 50 . 5/18
Hey you, an incredible author!
I was away for a while. Just stopped reading because I didn't have time. I think.
But now I am back again and I will leave some good vibes for you.
To tell you the truth, chapters 47-49 got me dosing off a little. It was too much talking too little happening so I was just 'Come on! Do something! Even crazy stuff will work', but later I inderstood that without talking, and explaining things, we would be lost in information.
So, I am happy that things moved and some romance got involved. But with a romance thing... I think it's a little dull. I hoped little more shivers. More emotion. But maybe it'll come. I don't know. Hope to read more soon!
Still your story is an amazing peace of art.
Love, kisses, support!
| EchoInTheVoid chapter 50 . 5/17
THIS IS FREAKING AMAZING
I love your story cant wait for more
| EchoInTheVoid chapter 49 . 4/24
AWE thats adorable, LOVE the bonding between them, cant wait for more
| Tifanny91 chapter 49 . 4/24
Heya lovely writer! Glad to have a new chapter to read during my break from boring assignments :-)
The way Sim and Bae are getting closer makes me smile. They look like one of those couples whose relationship is just taking off. I guess they are somehow. After all the drama, they're finally starting to communicate like normal people. I'm relieved.
Also, Bae's story is disturbing to say the least. Tbh I was expecting a straightforward attack with Polux clearly explaining his intentions. But the way it happened is... I don't even know... Kinda creepy. It really sounds like this guy is deranged and not just thirsty for power. That doesn't bode well for our heros...
| Jude Blake Gabriel chapter 49 . 4/24
Yay! A chappie. I'm glad to have more info on the Bae vs Pollux drama. I also cannot wait for Pollux and Bae to finally meet face to face. As for Castor immediately accusing Bae of running away, I understand why he would think that. Bae is a rogue after all. Castor just has no faith in his brother after possibly dealing with his past behavior. Anyway, looking forward to your next update. I hope I don't have to wait but if I do I totally understand.
PS Quarantine is my kinda scene but I am getting tired of it.
| DreadNation chapter 48 . 4/15
Well, a promise is a promise. So I have to deliver. However, pardon me if the reply is short.
Anyway, the reason why I was so inactive all this time...well, life simply brought me into a back cornering, hiatus. I was just busy and busy, and I couldn't really get on my own stuff even barely able to read any of your chapters. I can't say, it was really a bad thing, because of my absence you have been constantly writing and writing and once I had the time. I read them and I didn't have to suffer about I don't know how many weeks of patience to wait and read the next one.
By the way, I hope you are safe and sounds, because the Coronavirus is out there and, may God protect you and keep you safe. There have been certainly a lot going on in these chapters. Especially with Simone and overall her character in general, what I'm getting at, she really does hold grades, is stubborn, narrow-minded, a bit nihilistic, self-imposed-harm, I think I got her character down to the point but yeah. I understand, Castor wasn't there and she eventually spilled the beams at him and told him that he wasn't there to save her and then well she "died" which I still don't understand one thing.
If Origin is, in the end, a chip in your neck, how the hell did Simone get it in the first place? So judging by my hypothesis. This Origin/Scarlett drug whatever it works via nanobots. Unless Simone was born an Angel which I doubt so let's go with my theory. Pretty much, these nanobots are the next step to evolution, due to the fact, that they hold untapped and seemingly endless potential in solving real-life problems. Essentially, if we had that, cancer would be a thing of the past.
What I'm trying to say is, that this Scarlett contains some sort of nanobots that know their way throughout the human system. They travel throughout the blood vessels until they find their way towards the spinal cord, which would explain as to how and why she turned into a "Demon" that is my explanation, I'm probably sure that isn't right, but who cares. I tried.
Anyway, while again, I still understand her frustration, there really is a point in time where you just need to forgive your friends. I mean, if I was in her shoes, I think I'd be the same. However, I'd try to at least be nice and see a point in giving Castor a second chance. But really, I think it was the frustration she was having, with finally discovering what the System is and how it actually works.
And so once she did, she could save everyone, which she did and it was entirely satisfying to see. It really was. Finally, everyone isn't a Demon anymore. I certainly did like that Interlude with Bael, I really have missed him since it was only about Simone and we didn't really get enough touchy moments between the two. However, that chapter made up more entirely for the long wait. Essentially, this tells me that only Bael can understand Simone and he is the only one that can make her listen. I'm really looking forward to seeing them actually go on a date. So please, deliver _ I want to see that since he so miraculously and effortlessly asked her out.
Oh and well other naughty romantic stuff that I won't mention, but you probably know about. Since as a story reading guy myself, I keep an eye on the romantic stuff. I am watching like a Watcher.
However, the big elephant of the room is the death of Neal. Now I don't know if I have missed a detail, but I'm pretty sure Neal was still alive. So I don't know if he is dead or not. If he is then well...that is a big bummer. I slowly began to care more and more about the guy, but me personally I never felt attached to the dude, so honestly, as cold as I can be sometimes, his death didn't really affect me as much on an emotional level. However, it'll be sad to see Simone having to deal with Ellsie which I don't know since...well...she kind of did kill her boyfriend. So that will be interesting to see, how Simone once again manages to get herself out of tough spots and situations.
I am sensing that this story will surely end soon, since well there are only a few things that need to be wrapped up, like Beal fighting Pollux, and so on. Finally getting it on with Simone for like an eternity, but I will know that if it happens when it happens, it'll be very satisfying and earned. So don't let me down. I wanted that sex scene for a while now lol.
I am very astonished to see that this story has come so far. It is a small story, nothing world-breaking, but the twists and themes it derives from and how you write the story. It really is, wow, I never thought you could make a first-person story so damn good. But I was proven wrong.
Essentially, my final words of constructive criticisms, keep on writing, keep on listening to the fans, especially me...ahem, I certainly do like your writing style and how you give each character their moment and justice. I do love this story like you honestly made me go back to reading books.
Thank you for the amazing effort and story, have a good day. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter and read the epic and final conclusion of this story.