|Reviews for Dancing in the Rain|
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 8/10/2016
This is really great so far too :) I think you've got a nice set up here already - some good characters and I liked their interactions, especially with Cassie and Maggie near the beginning and the dinner scene at the end. I'm intrigued to see where this goes :) I notice you haven't updated it in a while though - have you given up on it?
| flynndavis chapter 2 . 2/5/2016
The dynamics of a family are captured well, which is down to some snappy dialogue :) Makes for a good read, because it doesn't feel forced at all.
| Anniebananie1252 chapter 3 . 2/3/2016
So, I think I understand what you want your writing style to feel like, buts it's just not quite there yet... Some of it sounds just a little bit awkward as you read it, almost like babbling. An example of this was in chapter two, where you were describing the dinner. You added in a lot of 'and then there was the time...' which sort of threw me off a bit. I used to do this a lot in my writing. Reading my story or essay was literally like trying to wash word vomit off of a page looking for the cause of the sickness. Yours is obviously better than that, but still, the main idea is there. What helped me a lot was reading what I had written out loud after distracting myself from the writing for a bit.
Alright, so you're writing style is actually quite unique, so I really have hope for you to make this story original. The only thing I recommend is to remember that when people are reading your writing, they won't necessarily be reading it the same way you would...unless you manipulate it. Add in italics on the words you want to enunciate and make sure you're adding in commas only when you have to and not just to elongate your sentences. Remember, a comma means a pause. Again, I really recommend that you read your writing out loud before posting! IT HELPS!
Lastly, your characters. I love that your story has so many siblings involved. I feel like some of the strongest relationships characters have are often not the romantic ones but the ones between siblings. If my high school boyfriend were to die, I would truly be devastated, but if my SISTER died? A giant part of myself would die too. The only thing I think would help you build your characters better would be to add a bit more consistency to them. It seemed a little but odd to me that Julia was so calm about receiving the news of her disease for the first few days, but then completely blew up the minute they told everyone. I'm sure you meant it as a way for her to cope, and that does come across, but not quite as strongly as I'd hoped. Maybe if you only broke down for one specific person it would fit the story better?
Alright, so that was a lot of critiquing and I'm sorry if I've offended you in any way, I just really want to see you progress as a writer. I will end this review on a good note by saying that I think that you really bring a refreshing look on a waaaay overused plot line. To be honest, I wasn't thrilled to see another cancer story, but yours definitely has the potential to stand out.
GOOD LUCK! NEVER GIVE UP! I hope to see your name in an book store someday, printed on a book with a best seller sticker attached to it. :)