|Reviews for Poor In Spirit|
| Myst Marshall chapter 1 . 2/6/2016
Wow I loved this story. You just had that way of writing that tugged at my heartstrings and felt Nora's grief even though I only just started to read about her. Nicely done! I liked the vivid description at the beginning, it let me imagine clearly the setting and caught a glimpse of when he was alive then him dead on the floor. Very nicely written. I hope you can continue with more on the future. Good start for your first story!
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 2/6/2016
I enjoyed this. There was a lot of mystery here, like who exactly the characters are, who Pete was, perhaps what exactly happened to hi? And, of course, what will happen to Nora now. So this is good, because it means you've clearly set up the plot nicely.
I think you use quite a few cliche lines, like "sunlight poured." Having said that, I did like the mention of "shining like a halo." That was a nice image. Another line that could be improved was "towering over her" and perhaps also the idea of the teacher looking down at her, because this is quite a subjective image - some readers will never have had a teacher look at them like that, if that makes sense. Something more objective, that all readers will be able to relate to, might be better here. Also, perhaps a better word than "paraded" - this sounds a little jovial for the situation, in my opinion. Something more dramatic, like crashing, might be better.
"They had to pry her, soaked in blood." This was the highlight of the piece for me. Although we haven't met Pete, we can clearly see how much Nora cared about him, just in this sentence alone. That whole section was very emotive and powerful.
"A true second birth." I also liked this. Very interesting idea, and also quite an original one.
Good start. Keep writing!
| Ventracere chapter 1 . 2/6/2016
Hello, hello from the review game!
I liked your start to the piece. Action filled in way of flashback and while it wasn't the most fast paced, it had my attention. I want to know why Nora comes across a little pessimistic. There's something about her that I can't place that makes me want to know more about her - it's a good thing, you've got my attention. Another thing that I'm a big fan of is your dialogue. It's not fluff. The conversations she has with the supporting characters pack a punch - they're not just talking for the sake of filling up space, and that's always a good sign. It also helps that it flows from one point to the next and is something that I can hear in real life.
Another thing I'm a big fan of is that you're showing and not telling - you're probably going to hear this from me quite a few times, haha. But you don't just tell us that she's sad, but we can see it. It took her a while to ask Pete why there was that song played at his funeral and she comes across as a bit bitter as she deflects from her coworkers. Thanks for that, haha. I'm not a big fan of tons of description, but the way you balance it out with dialogue and important descriptions are well done.
Thanks for the read!