|Reviews for Eleven Miles from Home|
| Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 4 . 5/17/2017
Is there a reason that Rachel cries on park benches? Does she do it as a way to get attention or is it because she's lonely? Does she realize how vulnerable that makes her? Someone she thinks might have good intentions may be just looking for someone who's as exposed as she would be when she is crying on a park bench. However, the flip side of that could be that she could draw in someone who truly wants to help her. Maybe she's looking for someone to show that they care about her and maybe that was why she allowed herself to feel happy when Richard approached her at the lake.
The line "So I felt cold toward him" has something off. Did she treat him coldly or was she weary of him? It gives mixed signals. I like, however, that she recognized that most people wanted to take advantage of her vulnerability.
I like that we get to see that she does want someone to actually care about her and now the way that she acted with Richard in the previous chapter makes sense. She just wanted him to realize that she was important and that she should be loved by someone. I also think that it shows some insight into Richard's character even though he is not the voice of the chapter. Even though he was interested in the jet ski, he still should have taken the time to get to know the owner of it and not have been so self-involved.
How does she know that Richard enjoyed spending time with her? We don't see his side of it, in this chapter at least, so we don't know if he is truly enjoying it unless she describes how he displayed that he was having fun, such as a smile never leaving his face or him showing great enthusiasm. He could have just been pretending to have a good time so that he could use her in order to gain access to her jet ski later.
Did Richard ever give her the sense that they were truly dating? A lot of people do things together that couples would do, but they never leave the friend zone, so did Richard ask her specifically if she wanted to be his girlfriend (of course, this could have been mentioned earlier and I just don't remember it)? Is she simply assuming that they are dating? True, Richard never should have ignored her when she tried to get close to him. Even friends grow close to one another and learn everything there is to learn about one another.
In my opinion, Richard stays with Rachel because he too needs someone. He's also afraid of being alone and is hiding behind the excuse of the jet ski's as a reason that he is spending so much time with Rachel. The two of them are just not able to communicate that to one another.
Again, how does Rachel know that Richard's thoughts are running rampant? Did he tell her that he had a million things running through his head at once? Did he say that he also did not know why their thumbs were not working? How does Rachel know this? Of course, we as the readers know this from reading the previous chapter, but that doesn't mean that Rachel is able to know it unless she is able to read minds.
I like that at the end, she realizes that she wasn't ready to get into another relationship, that she should have taken a few weeks or months or years to heal. It gives good closure to the chapter and the story.
I take that back, the kindness of the stranger at the end of the chapter is a good way to end the story. She learns that people can be kind and caring, which is something that she was unable to see previously. She is able to have some closure and some hope as she moves forward with her life. Well done.
| Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 3 . 5/9/2017
I already like this chapter and I'm only a few paragraphs in. It's good that Richard has realized that the two of them have little in common. I think that's a good start in their search to figure out why they didn't get along.
If Richard hadn't jet skiied before he met Rachel, who did he go with? His previous girlfriend clearly wasn't into that sort of thing. Also, did I miss where he mentioned that he did it before he met Rachel? It's been a while since I've read the first chapter, so that's a possibility. Or, is it because he went with Rachel that he had never skiied alone?
I wonder if Richard just talking about things like his vehicles and his love of jet skiing is one of the reasons that they no longer get along. Perhaps this, even if it is unintentional, this is an inside look into why the two of them grew apart, that is, assuming that they were even close at one point or another.
How does Richard know that Rachel didn't have anything to say to him? Does he have some kind of powers that we don't know about that enables him to do so? Perhaps Rachel doesn't want to speak. Maybe she enjoys just having his company and doesn't really want to talk. That could not be the case, but it's still a possibility since during this scene we don't have Rachel's input. I also don't think that Richard is allowing himself to learn more about Rachel. When he doesn't answer her questions, he gives the sense that he isn't interested and he isn't really willing to try, especially when he said that he normally "humors" her and her questions.
However, I also think that it is good that he comes to that realization, that maybe if he had answered her questions, he may have found something else that they had in common or he could have at least been a little more compassionate. I also wonder if he didn't think to ask why she was always so upset. Did he think that was just how girls behaved or was he afraid, or not interested, of what her answer would be?
Did they try and talk about what one another needed? Did he ever try to give her what she wanted and vice versa? How does he know that he couldn't give it to her if he never tried? This could be just more information about who Richard is as a person and not something that really needs to be changed.
Richard's decision to leave the keys in the ignition is a great example of what kind of a person he is. I also think that it gives some insight for Rachel's character. She could have asked him why he didn't take out his keys or given him examples as to why he should take out the keys rather than just glaring at him. But, she could have also been mad at him for not answering her questions. We'll never know unless we get to see Rachel's take on the events in the next chapter.
I'm glad that Richard makes the realization that he does. He seems to be scared to enter into a relationship with Rachel because she obviously cares about him, from his point of view at least.
So apparently he did know about her past, yet he still didn't care when she cried. Further down, we find that he thought he was protecting her because of her past. That's plausible, I suppose, but everything he'd previously mentioned points more towards he was the one who was afraid to be in the relationship. From him freaking out over her saying she loved him to asking him questions and him just shutting her out completely. It seems like he's trying to hide behind not wanting to hurt her.
I like the ending to the chapter. He comes to a good conclusion that perhaps he could have done more and he is willing to try again if it's not too late. I would like to see that happen. Will it? I suppose I'll have to wait until the next chapter to find out.
This was the first chapter of your stories that I've found a couple of typos in them. Not anything major, one was just the lack of capitalization at the start of the sentence.
| Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 2 . 5/3/2017
I like the recreational dependent reference when she's taking all of the deep breaths. It slips in there easily and puts how many deep breaths she's taking into perspective.
I didn't realize until this chapter just how old the two narrators are, but I could have missed it in the first chapter.
During the first part of the chapter, I'm having mixed feelings about Rachel. I don't know if to pity her for what happened to her or if I should dislike her because of the way she behaves (the crying in public places for attention bit particularly). I understand why she's upset, but is she so upset that she's willing to do such things for attention? Did she not always get the attention she needed? Why does she have such loneliness if it started during/after college? Is there a reason she partied so much? I'm sure that the answers to these questions will come up in due time.
Why did Rachel feel the need to live her life in such a way, with the partying and all? Did she think that was just something that people were supposed to do in college or is there something more to the story? I think that little look into the life Rachel had before she met Richard gives a good foundation for understanding what exactly happened between them.
I also liked how you included when she realized that she needed to change her life. You didn't drag out the partying or spend an long time on how lonely she was. You kept up a good pace with switching from scene to scene.
So, college is what led her to be the way that she was at the park? Not a combination of college and finding out that the man she loved had a wife and children? That shows that she was honestly trying to be better and it showed that she did have some value in her education. I think that her situation is relatable because I'm sure there are people who are in the same situation.
Why is she afraid to be alone? Again, I can't help but wonder what happened to make her fear loneliness. Is it because of the two guys before she switched her dating tactics?
I see her love for Jet Skiing now and now I understand why she's so fascinated for her. It's her escape, her way to forget whatever is going on in her life. I think that's something that's important to have. Everyone needs to have a way to escape from their troubles for a little while.
I thought that this was a good chapter. It took me a little bit in the first one to get used to the fact that there isn't any dialogue. It went better this chapter. I like that you're switching between points of view and that we are able to see both sides of the story. Well done. :)
| Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 1 . 4/9/2017
What you are doing for this story is something that I have thought about doing before,but have been afraid to try. As a reader, I like dialogue. I often get bored when there are multiple paragraphs in a row, but I think that you handled this well. Just when I was about to lose focus, you reeled me back in.
I like the mystery about what divided the two of them. I think that them being stranded is a good idea because it will force them (I hope) to talk and to figure out where they went wrong and what went wrong.
I liked the paperweight analogy. It put their relationship into perspective without telling us outright what their relationship is. I think that slipping in some of the things that they have in common would help the reader to understand them better, to see that not everything about their relationship was bad.
I'm interested in seeing what it was that drove them apart. The narrator clearly does not understand where it went wrong because he keeps saying that it suck up on him and that he himself did not know what happened. I think that it's going to be interesting to see their separation play out, to get to the heart of what went wrong.
Why did jet skiing lead them to the place on the side of the road? Were they having a good time? A bad thing? I think that paragraph needs so more meat to it, so to speak. They clearly got along well enough to go jet skiing together, so what caused the anger between one another? I’m sure that these questions will be answered at some point, but how was their relationship earlier in the day?
How do we know that the girl wants to strangle him? There’s nothing to indicate this so far. We don’t have his interpretation of her body language on the side of the road, or any dirty looks that she’s giving him. We are forced to just trust him and believe that she also feels the same way.
His relationship with Abby gives us some insight into who he is as a person and I like it. it’s subtle, but it’s enough.
You should probably either capitalize jet ski or not capitalize it. Earlier you didn’t capitalize it and later you did capitalize it. The only difference is that not capitalizing it is using it informally and capitalizing it is referring to the actual brand Jet Ski. Just a thought.
The lawn mower analogy is interesting. Apparently the main character gets his adrenaline thrill from a lawnmower. Not my first choice, but it works. (Although if it is a backwater town, perhaps an ATV or something like that may be more fitting. This is just coming from someone who lives in a town of four hundred people in the middle of nowhere.)
This first chapter really gives a lot of insight into who the main character is. He seems to just brush off any relationship for something else (Rachel and the jet ski, television). Really, it isn’t all that surprising that he and Rachel are having such issues. Of course, it’s not all his fault. Rachel shouldn’t take the blame for things that she’s not at fault for.
This was a nice start. It gave a lot of insight into who the main character is as a person. I can’t wait to see where it goes.
This review is also way overdue. I suddenly got attacked by my sinuses and haven't had the will to do more than what I had to until today. Sorry about that :/