Reviews for The Perfect Birthday
Rachel Rebecca92 chapter 1 . 5/12/2016
haha! that's a very early birthday celebration isn't it? I haven't ever heard anyone having a party that early in the morning! Also, show not tell. This was literally a shopping list of what happened. So we know now what happened, show us. what was the cake cutting like? what was baseball like? let us see those events for ourselves. add in some dialogue, action, and description. Who won in baseball? what happened in the game? who won in volleyball? what happened in the game? You get the idea. That's the first step to crafting a story.
ChiliBean58 chapter 1 . 4/2/2016
:-) What a great birthday I love just about every game mentioned.:-)