|Reviews for Moonlight Revenge|
| Mandrake chapter 1 . 8/31/2016
Great story, you did a good job describing the feelings of the characters. When the hunter becomes the prey, I like how she points out the irony of his actions in perspective to hers.
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 3/12/2016
Wow this is mesmirising. This is the strongest writing I have seen from you. Love all of the unique lines you use, like "tree limbs" and the whole description of her eating the flesh, which was seriously well written. This is going on my favourite's list! It's just so haunting and chilling. I love the way you tackle themes of loss and also things like revenge and finding peace, which I think both characters did at the end. I think she realises that she can't be controlled by revenge, and so it's like the peace takes over at the end, with the final lines. You know? Really wonderful writing.
You also described the abusive relationship so well, and my heart broke for her. Really sad :(
I just love the opening, the way you drew us immediately into the story. So wonderful! This whole idea of 'coming back to life.' The ending also felt nicely tied up, I definitely felt there was closure there.
I don't have much of constructive criticism, because it was all perfect! I would just say maybe cut down the italics parts or try and remove them completely, because I found myself skimming over them - didn't find the backstory as interesting as what was going on in the present day, and so because of that it felt tiring to read. I would recommend leaving the backstory more to the reader's imagination - keep us guessing what their relationship was like - rather than just flat out telling us, otherwise it takes the mystery and fun away. That's all the advice I can give for you, because writing wise and character wise you are flawless!
Congrats on this gem of a story! And I hope maybe you will write another piece set in this supernatural world? I would definitely read! Keep writing!
| Leon Wite chapter 1 . 3/10/2016
This is a great piece and a great tie to something different, showing a different cultural perspective. I kind of wish this was a bit longer. I think it would do great as a longer piece, so much to explore and deeper feelings to develop. Hated Joffery the moment he entered, had creep written all over.
The ending had a great just desert feel to it. Death would be too easy for a man like this, to live the rest of his life in pain like that...I kind of feel evil now..hahaha.
If you do decide to make this into a longer piece let me know. I would love to read it.
| ignicaeli chapter 1 . 2/27/2016
We get a glimpse of the story's 'monster' inner thoughts and current situation, generating empathy between the reader and the creature... Interesting choice, and it pays off, serving as a hook to draw attention to the rest of the piece.
Medium to small, easy to digest paragraphs. The text have an overall nice flow to it.
The generous use of semicolons may be a deterrent to the really nitpicky reader though.
Good, natural and fitting to the characters.
Upon finishing the read of this short story, I was left wanting to know more. About the parents' reaction. Kuruk's reaction. Did he feel guilty? And so on.
In other words, it was enjoyable enough to deserve a follow up.
It brings closure to Lulu's plight, not tying up the tale of all the characters on the piece, but works well.
6. Plot / Grammar Nazi moment:
No glaring plot or grammar mishaps...
The three minor grammar problems spotted were PMed to the author.
7. Final Verdict
Great story, with an interesting, uncommon creature.