There are quite a few mistakes in here...But I'm not sure if you mean technical, "editing" mistakes, or story-plot mistakes...Hmmm...My brain isn't coming up with anything story-related...But I'm as hungry as a beast at the moment, so my brain-processing power is quite low right now...
I like the chapter though. This needed to happen. Or, at least the talking parts did. Well...actually the sexual tension too. Kevin needed to prove not only how much he cared, but also how much he can read her. How much he knows she's hiding and lying to herself about them and how she feels.
And the whole vision thing...Ugh, old man sex...Ugh, no, please no.
Lol

Lol
Kevin completely screws up the situation by being a fucking twat, the last chapter and sort of the chapter before that. he thinks to himself..."How do I fix this? Ah, yeah, my darling Granny!"
And does it work? Yeah, sure, just not how he expected.
And now Harley has all but completely screamed that she doesn't know how to live her life without him in it.
Which means...
lol

So...reading this chapter, lol, all I could think is, "Hypa is speaking through Harley, directly to us readers."
" 'I wanted to scream. This was not how it was supposed to go. We were meant to be friends we were meant to see this through together. I knew that.' "
Translation: "Why is my story going completely off the rails? Why do you do this to me, brain?! Why?!"
Or, at least, those are what I think anyway.
Also daaaamn. Kevin is like...damn. " 'We will keep this professional from now on...That means if I want to kiss you...want to touch you...want to fuck you, I will.' "
Me: Uh...yeah, dude. Totally professional. Completely. UTTERLY. Only bring up the sexual aspects of the relationship, because you know you done fucked up and now you're panicking and have decided to go the route of "Well, let's just dig this hole deeper, shall we? Harley, shovel please?...Wait, that isn't fast enough. Can you bring me the steel drill, love?...Ah, yes, still not enough, hmm...Let's just go ahead and back up the Hydraulic Shovel and just tear up the whole freaking hole, yeah?' "
Harley, let him squirm for awhile...!

Wow, a lot of stuff came out in this chapter. Very curious about what demons, exactly, that Kevin has...Also, I know you're still kinda shocked about what happened, but this is the way I write all my stories. I sit in front of a computer and the words just flow out of me and I have only like...20% control over anything happening. So, this can show you just how my stories kind of just go...everywhere, sometimes. Sometimes everything seems to be making sense and falling into place perfectly. And then a chapter or two happens that throws everything i just wrote out of the window and now I'm like..."How do I fix this?"
It's super challenging, super crazy way to write. But it's normal for me.
I really like this chapter, by the way. I think Harley needs to go ahead and tell Kevin about her visions, but then just as quickly I'm like..."Nah, he's crazy, don't do that."
I kind of feel like she does, about the whole situation. There is gonna be a LOT of stuff to come out of this chapter though. Crazy stuff...

Ah, a good old fight. I think they really needed this. Its also almost a little bizarre how much Kevin understands and accepts Harley. So, here are my two new, currently running, theories about the man.
1) He use to work for her father and therefore knows about her from all that and slowly fell in love with her. Then he found about all the crap her dad was doing, broke into his system, stole all his files to try and protect her, and got arrested.
2) Maybe he is like her secret half-brother she never knew about, from her father's side? Or perhaps he is something like a cousin to her, from her mother's side? Either that or he was a childhood friend she had, that her dad didn't know about and all the tests and experiments her dad did made her forget all about Kevin.

Ack! Crap!
No, no, no. That is very bad, very bad indeed. You may not even realize the different levels of 'magical' abilities, but if this continues, Harley's is going to start going south very soon!
It's always super risky to make a seer, especially if their visions are so strong that their souls are transported into their visions. Her fear of possibly 'getting hurt' should be more like panic that she could actually die...!
Or, at least it would if this was my story and it followed the rules of magic that I know. But its not, it's your story. Do as you will.
I'm just kind of a nut about magic, since I've read sooooooooo much manga and books with it and watched so many TV shows and anime as well. I just had to have my little nerd freak out there.
Ugh...Sheri...

Hey, sorry it's been awhile. Got super busy and haven't really had any free time to myself the past several days. Highly annoying. But I finally have a day off! So I plan to finish all you have up right now.
I really loved the Suicide Squad part. Made me laugh so bad, besides smile. I would definitely be Harley in the situation and my husband Kevin. It seemed like something that would happen so easily in real life to me that I really just loved it. I will continue on to the steamy, sexy, sweet scenes now. (make that a tongue-twister, shall we? lol)

Ah...man...If you do what I think you will, Kevin, I will punch you. Fair warning, man.

hmmm...I feel the 'If you only knew what you did to me' is either going to be a sexual, physical thing, a emotional thing...OR she actually somehow did something that screwed him over...Maybe when she was helping someone else, she inadvertently caused the events that made him get arrested? There's a idea. but probably wrong.

Yay, Dark Sides! Love it. Thank you. Kevin was being a little too sweet. It was beginning to feel fake, tacked-on, a facade...And now, we see at least a part of how he really feels. Even if this is only partly how he really feels...

I think the summary is mostly okay...But there's something about it that feels off...I'm not exactly sure what, though. I apologize. Now, on to story comments.
Wow, that got hot and heavy, lol. Also, yay Japanese! The otaku in me squeals in delight, lol.
Fun to see that no matter how hard she tries, even with her powers, she is barely managing to stay one or two steps ahead. Her dad is good...

This was a cute chapter. It's good they got that out in the open. Still loving this. I don't know if you have finished this already, since I am quite behind of your updates. So far it is coming along nicely. Thank you for the chapter. Also, I don't think long chapters are much of a bad thing. In fact, on average, I usually try to go for ten-twelve pages a chapter for my own stories. That is usually 2,800-4,000 words. I wanted to get in at least one more chapter read and reviewed before I starting writing. I'm hoping to get about 2 to 3 more chapters written in Demon King today. So, here's hoping it works.

Oh, man, things are 'heating up'. Lol, awful, I know. I'm sorry. Naughty, naughty man, this one is. I get the feeling he on show knows what she saw. Hi a guess though. I'm probably wrong...

Things just keep getting more and no interesting. I am Ba at writing these types of stories, but they are usually pretty in to read.

The way she is so nonplussed about this whole 'kidnapping' thing is kind of funny to me. I know she's been prepared for it for a really long time, but I still find it amusing.