|Reviews for Rising Tides|
| Sychronergy chapter 2 . 2/8/2017
Hi! If I may, allow me to make a comment about the sentence structures? In my humble opinion, the subject in the sentences suddenly shifts without warning and it might be something confusing.
Examples from Chapter One:
"Lydia smiled, it was an odd little ..." (The subject of this sentence was Lydia, but suddenly shifts to describe her smile)
"Seagulls [..]. The sloping path [...]. Their feet had [..]" (It takes a bit to realize that "their" reflects back to Lydia and Briana. By the placement of the sentence, the pronoun should refer to the subject of the previous sentence [the sloping path])
"[..]onto the floor. Where one of their father's dog was sitting, her mouth[..]" (The implied subject of this sentence was the floor, then suddenly changes to the dog)
I like Carver's description - "look of constant disapproval" is a very concise and vivid description. I also like Carver's dialogue. It shows his personality and I like his personality. I also liked the phrase "Erin's stomach churned with a sharp acid feeling" - it reveals a lot about her mental and emotional state in one concise line, which is impressive.
The dialogue at the end of chapter 2 was a tad confusing, though. Erin's line: "Nobody to tell me what I should..Maybe it's Aidan's love you want, and you can not bare..."
Maybe you mean, "Nobody tells me what to do..." and you probably meant to use the word "bear" instead of bare. Are you implying that Caver likes Aidan through "Aidan's love you want"? Why would Erin have that impression, even if so?
Anyway, good amount of intrigue and diverse characters! I love the setting, I love some of your verbal gems and good work :)
| Sychronergy chapter 1 . 2/4/2017
Overall, I like your writing style. It's short, sweet and to the point. I also really liked your descriptions. It feels alive. The characters are lively and easy to relate to.
As for what else...
I feel like the summary can be a little more specific, instead of a generic "race against time/dark forces" description which is pretty vague :)
There were some phrases that was a bit confusing - "[...]quelled the busy goings on", for example (apologies if my English is just not up to par)?
| Guest chapter 11 . 2/1/2017
| Zoicite23 chapter 10 . 1/22/2017
Oh, I don't know why I thought your story was complete. My mistake. I'm still disappointed that Carver didn't die. He should've explained things straight-up instead of being vague and leaving Erin hurting and confused the whole time. Then again he's always been a jerk. I wonder if you really have planned a proper bomb-shell of an explanation for everything or if you're just going with the flow. When I read your first five chapters ages ago I recall there was a third sister, and I think she's still alive, but she doesn't seem to be relevant to the story at this point. I don't really think Erin's in the wrong, I think a lot of the things she does is kinda stupid though. Like stubbornly refusing to stop doing chores while brooding on her own stubbornness, and then later scolding herself for stubbornly not stopping when she should've. And not using the element-of-surprise to kill Carver when she had another chance, again. She should've broken down into tears or pretended to vomit more/pass out, and then stabbed him then. Either way as a whole this story is very well-written, your descriptiveness is your strength. You immerse readers into the story well.
It looks like you are two sister writers, how nice. I wish my brother would write with me but it's not his thing, oh well.
| Zoicite23 chapter 9 . 1/22/2017
Encore19 is my other profile, just so the review mods know. I forgot to sign out then back in for the last chapter.
I liked this chapter a lot more than the last one, it was exciting all the way through and a better length as well. You kept me excited throughout, especially in the beginning during the chase where Graham had to take Jenna and jump into the water, hold their breath for long enough until the guards went by. I could feel the tension and panic very well. I also like that Maddox has re-entered the story. I wonder how he'd react to the knowledge that Erin survived. I also wonder who is going to pay money for Graham? Is Maddox really going to ransom with the king? Maybe it's Carver, or someone else evil. I suppose we'll see. I'm really looking forward to your final chapter and I hope it ties everything together in a way that's enjoyable. So descriptions and composition are the two likes I have for this chapter.
| Encore19 chapter 8 . 1/21/2017
Bleh not really a fan of this one. Your writing is great, but the content seemed kind of pointless. Erin coincidentally met Carver, again, by getting secretly pulled onto his ship. Erin had yet another opportunity to kill him but failed. I don't care if Carver is innocent, I still hate him about as much as Erin does, he's so annoying. Carver not dying at the end of this story will give me the biggest rage-quit. I suppose I'd also be annoyed if you tried to make his death sad, if he did die. Well... meh... as long as he dies. Erin is really powerless and pathetic throughout this chapter, despite all her feistiness. The whole cooking and cleaning scene just seemed pointless, I don't really care what she's forced to do. All we're seeing is that Carver's ship and crew is normal and fairly happy, and I think that could've been portrayed with less of all of this. I think it could've been skipped ahead to the good stuff, like their ship reaching the destination already or Erin FINALLY killing Carver. I do want to know what's going on behind the scenes, like who really killed Aiden and Lydia... A lot of content writing is also about Erin moping about Aiden's death and how much she hates Carver, but we've heard all that before. Hopefully the next few chapters will have more relevant content.
| Zoicite23 chapter 7 . 1/19/2017
I don't like the weird coincidences. Carver happenly running into Erin at Airendale of all places. And why didn't he die from the poison fruit? Cause he's supernatural or the fruit just isn't poisonous. Why didn't she kill Carver? Gah! So many opportunities she's had, like two so far. What is the point of dedicating yourself to revenge if you never follow through! Suppose she wants to go home now but still, gah! I did enjoy this chapter more than the previous one, even if the weird coincidences got to me. Erin being thrown off the ship with wrists and ankles bound and having to free herself was cool, she's a tough gal for a princess. There is clearly a LOT of stuff going on that we don't know, evident in this chapter and the ones previous. I get the feeling everything will be explained at the end. The whole supernatural aspect like Lydia's death and the weird captain people and the mystery of Aidan and Carver. Hmmm. The coincidences might be explained somehow too.
| Zoicite23 chapter 6 . 1/19/2017
Woah woah. Seems to me like Carver really was loyal, but an imposter or evil twin of some kind murdered Prince Aidan. Hmm that's interesting. I'm still probably gonna hold onto a dislike for him, even though it's been a while since I read your other chapters I know that he's kind of a dick and annoyed me for whatever reason. This chapter was too long for my liking, but that's a personal preference. In terms of content not too much happened for that to be so bad. We see Graham and the royals reacting to Lydia's suspicious death. Then we see Graham leave for Erin and his life dissolve a bit and then he finds a lead with a woman who will probably be his love interest at the end of the story, which is nice for him after what happened with Lydia. And then we see that Carver may not be the treacherous lying dick we thought he was, just an average-joe dick. There were spelling and grammar mistakes in here that didn't really bother me but maybe they'd bother you if you knew about them? Like I'd recommend you read through and scan it again if you want it looking profesh.
| klep chapter 1 . 10/25/2016
This review is for Chapter 1. I enjoyed what I read. Reminds me of Jane Austen meets Game of Thrones. Not sure where it's going, but if it's in a dark fantasy direction than I think you've got something here. The characters seem like they're well developed, and they each had a unique voice making it easy to distinguish them from each other. Nice work. Will try and read the rest soon.
| cynthiamonica chapter 10 . 10/20/2016
I'm sooooo sorry it took me so long to read and review, but it was an amazing chapter ans I love Fagan's kindness and I can't wait to see what happens next, and what Carver is planning (though I already kinda know) but this story is still slightly different from the fanfic and I really like that. Can't wait for Erin to warm up to Carver. Keep writing, you're amazing at it :)
| Abelshift chapter 4 . 9/6/2016
Holy shit, take back that part in my earlier review of this story not being my type - that was a beautifully paced action scene.
| Abelshift chapter 2 . 9/6/2016
I don't usually give reviews, so here it goes. All in all a lovely chapter, lots of stuff going on here. I'm gonna be constructive here with my review so bear with me, I liked this chapter more than it sounds lol
My main critique is the wordiness of the dialog, and I imagine that might have something to do with the personalities of the characters, but they do say each other's names often when speaking to one another and I found that broke up my immersion in the story. And the only other critique I have is the first paragraph's barrage of descriptions that also kind of pelted me with information like a ball at those batting cages. As one of my writer friends told me once, 'show, don't tell'. Generally I've found this means one can convey past events through passive hints in dialog. But enough of the critique, I feel like a dick now. The emotions present in the characters are VERY real upon reading it, and I often found myself lost in their emotional roller coaster as they drifted around the ballroom. Very good job there, emotion is something I have yet to be able to convey in my entire story in as well of a way that this chapter alone did.
I came here from a forum's review game, read the first chapter, realized the story wasn't my type (I'm more into guns, monsters, space ships, and wild-west stuff), read the second chapter anyway, and now I'm in love with it! Keep it up!
| Zoicite23 chapter 5 . 7/15/2016
Jeez people be dying left, right and centre!
I liked the change in perspective because we got to learn some more about Lydia. I'm not sure that everyone is as judgemental towards her as she feels, I think a lot of it is just in her own mind, or at least that's how I interpreted it. Nevertheless it worked out because I can see a distinct difference from her chapter to Erin's POV.
I dislike the idea of Erin leaving alone to fight Carver, if that is indeed what she's done? Erin stands no chance against Carver even alone, and he's currently with his soldiers. Plus Carver may have magical powers. It seemed that Lydia may have been killed by someone's magical powers. Maybe Erin stole her Mum's jewels to hire men to help her, but she's one woman outside the castle alone with no protection. Hmmm seem's strange to me.
| Zoicite23 chapter 4 . 7/15/2016
Woah the dark stuff happened here, but I knew it was coming cause of your summary. Maybe you should change that? It'd probably have a bigger effect if you left it a surprise. Yeah I hate Carver too, I was saying out loud "stab him stab him stab him". Though I feel there's a mystery afoot, like Carver might still be good somehow, although I don't want him to be redeemed I want him to die.
I liked how you described the gravity of the carnage for Erin. I also liked the dramatic action as she fought soldiers and other stuff happened. The blood and bodies, it was pretty cool.
I don't like Carver. He's a dick. As a character though, meh I suppose he's alright. He makes me angry though, which might've been your intention. I liked how you portrayed Erin's grief at watching the man she loved die, although like I said before I never really felt like Aidan was much of an impressive character.
| Zoicite23 chapter 3 . 7/15/2016
Again we have a little surprise slipping right there at the end. A bit of darkness from Erin? It's a surprise, she seemed perfectly normal and respectable but then thinks about how she believed she would slit that man's throat. I like that thriller touch creeping in.
One thing I like here is the growing mystery of Aidan. If I had to guess, he's a werewolf, or some other vicious magical creature. That's why it's unsafe for him to fall in love and that's why Carver wants Erin to stay away. But then why would Erin's family be in danger? Hmmm a mystery indeed.
I like your little writing tidbits, like Erin smiling in Briana's direction but not being noticed. Just little realistic descriptions of events that helps add to the realism and refreshment of your piece. I think Aidan's character seems a little cliché so far though, he doesn't interest me all that much apart from being generically mysterious.