|Reviews for Rising Tides|
| Zoicite23 chapter 2 . 7/15/2016
Hmmm! Lydia and Graham? I wasn't expecting that. For a while I was wondering if Lydia was a lesbian, because of the unhappy allusions she was making and not wanting to be like other girls. I liked this chapter more than your last.
One thing I disliked was that you don't tend to describe appearances. We got absolutely no description for Aidan's looks, his friend Carver got a brief description but only because he's supposedly unpleasant-looking.
I like how I can tell the differences between the three sisters now, their characters are a lot different. I really liked how Erin reacted to Carver in that last scene. She came off as quite tough to me and I enjoyed the exchange of dialogue.
| Zoicite23 chapter 1 . 7/15/2016
Oooo I was wondering if we were going to get into anything plot-related and we got it right at the end there. This Aidan dude might become Erin's love interest. Before that slipped in we just got a few introductions to characters and it seemed very slice-of-lifey and without much plot direction.
One thing I like is how you introduce the characters. Little bits of information that help paint a picture of Erin's Dad, Mum and of Graham. Erin's Dad's storytelling abilities and the mystery of her Mum's past and memory loss.
One thing I didn't like was that descriptions of the three sisters didn't come until later on in the chapter. I think if you'd given them separate characteristics, like say appearance-wise, right off the bat I'd have been able to differentiate them from each other sooner.
| ChrisRidgewayVoiceActor chapter 4 . 6/23/2016
So clearly Briana's wedding and Erin's wedding were mixed up in my brain. I guess it's Erin's wedding that the disaster happens at, occording to the description. Explains a lot, considering all the clever foreshadowing so far.
Seeing the name Aidan amuses me, since I see the name a lot. (Sometimes spelled "Aiden" though, so that explains if I ever mispell you version btw) I've seen it in one other story, plus I've used it in one of my own as well. Bah, either way. On with the chapter!
Aww..here it is, their marrage. He was so direct too, as he should be imo. Giving up her "freedom" (I hate when people call marriage that but bah) is much easier when it's someone she loves, that's how it should be really. Cute to see how happy Erin is by it too...that's how love is really. It's cute, silly and fun and you can have all kinds of emotions rolled in at once. Good to see you understood that in your writing, though I guess that's not hard to write probably lol.
Carver knows something. Something he shouldn't be keeping a secret, clearly. Surprisingly, it seems its something Aiden seems to not know either. How interesting. Maybe it's the attempt on the King's Life that I've been predicting. Hmmm.. it's also interesting to see Aiden listening to him...very curious.
"Hoping to give the him". Probably want to choose "give the captain" or "give him".Interesting look into the character of Carver though, that said.
I guess Graham is young. I'd thought he was old, guess I misunderstood that. Sorry, I'm quite sleepy while reading all of this so it's possible I forgot or something.
Ha! "monthly bleeding". Sorry, that way of calling it amused me, though it made sense. Wait..so Carver wants to kill Aiden directly..and..what? This is confusing but okay.
Carver killed AIDEN?! WOAH! Well...SHIT! This is crazy! Okay, so THAT happened. Ah..so a planned assaassination in order to start a war. Lovely. That shit head carver did all of this because if they were getting married his plan wouldn't have worked. And to think I gave him the benifit of a doubt! Dammit all! UGGGH
Damn...this shit is taking me aback..but I know it should. Masterfully done! I didn't see this coming, even with the plot synopsis right there! I just..SHIT! This is tearing me up as a reader because i was starting to get attached to the two of them getting married and just..DAMN.
You're damn right Carver deserved to die! UGHHH...okay, so definitely an interesting chapter..and you're way too clever to ask for 4 chapters since it's such a critical rising action in the plot! Good chapter...though by good I mean it got me reacting, that's for sure! I found the character of Carver getting under my skin a whole lot, that's for sure as well! The character of Lydia is likable as usual, as is Graham and I really felt for Erin..thinking of the emotional weight and damage this has on her now, I definitely felt really bad for her, and hell..the whole situation hurt me too! I felt almost like I was watching a major character die in Game of Thrones or something. Lol
Just..DAMN! Anyways..overall, a good , solid book and you definitely should be proud of what you have accomplished so far! Well done!
| ChrisRidgewayVoiceActor chapter 3 . 6/23/2016
Alrighty, next chapter! Heh, Erin is cute. "Got better things to do?" "No" XD
The story with buttercup...in before she does have to escape on a fast horse. Aww..he asked for Lydia directly. Equally cute.
Lydia's nightmare..could it be a premonition? Would make an interesting development, so I'll predict that one for now. Very interesting either way. Now I'm wondering something quite different..if the fact they leave for awhile is what causes them to be some of the few who DON'T get killed in some sort of big ambush or something. Just my predictions, I'll continue reading and see if I'm right.
Spending time among the peasants, definitely makes it interesting. Rather convient to have Aiden away from the wedding too...suspcious. lol.
Oh boy, the drunk. Aiden to rescue, I hope. Or Graham. Alright! A good punch! Seems like Aiden may have a darker side, by how you described it. But regardless, the drunk had a punch or two coming!
One thing that bothers me is, we didn't see enough of Briana or her Husband. I would've liked to see them more..even if it was the slow and boring stuff so to speak..just to see more of how the two of them interact with each other during the wedding, before they did the ceremony. Make them feel like real, breathing characters. Even if it turns out they both die too or something, it'd be good to feel attached to them at least a little bit more, especially this early on into the book.
Seems my prediction that people would die while they were out was wrong. Poo. Oh well. Still, interesting to see Aidan is missing. Interesting indeed.
Carver isn't blunt..he's just grumpy lol. Seems like Aiden is about to confess his love or something..maybe even propose, knowing how quickly it often happens in this age.
No...no no no..don't fight. Come on...he's been a jerk the whole time, she has plenty reason to ask those things, don't be an idiot Aidan! That said, I figured he'd have to been a good friend in the past to him, otherwise Carver wouldn't be there. Really Erin? You're the one to get mad right back at him now? jeez..these two are so immature..must be because they are teenagers or something. That'd explain it lol. Carver must have some sort of good intent though, as the "Dark side" I mentioned earlier seemed to be cleverly and subtly hinted at.
HA wow..Carver is a jerk, but he's arguably got a good point, in his own way lol. At least, if his warning is one that should indeed be as heeded as he's hinting 's threatening him...that's immature since he's obviously trying to protect from on now, try to see the others point of view. Its frustrating as a reader BUT, understandable that these people are human beings and thus this stuff can happen. Especially if any of them are teenagers. Carver laughed probably because if she killed him, it would've DEFINITELY caused a lot of problems..especially with how much Aiden values Carver as a friend, as well as whatever he's hinting about.
Either way, the drama definitely amped up and I'm curious to see what will happen next. That's my assessment.
| ChrisRidgewayVoiceActor chapter 2 . 6/23/2016
One more thing I forgot to mention in my last review: you didn't put an end quote at the ending of the first chapter. Just letting you know lol
Anyways, on with the next one. The pre-arranged marriage (or in this case, arranged before meeting him) is an interesting angle, that's for sure. I also like how unladylike Lydia typically is, and how it's making her have diffuclty with the customs that require her to do so. I also like that she feels too young, as that shows how things really were back in old times, as people often did so at quite young ages.
I forget if Lydia is the one getting married, though looking back I can't find it, so I'll just roll with it for this review for now. I often type these types of things as I read anyways.
I like how it shows the angle of how much effort women put into being pretty or beautiful, and how it can sometimes be difficult for them. That's something I've observed for myself as a married man, as well as for myself to a lesser degree occasionally when in costume. It shows a human side as well.
Oh there it is, it's Briana. Gah, sorry. Well, none the less the angles and ways of looking at all of this are interesting. I also like the 3 sisters thing. Bigger family and all that. (I myself only had one sibling, same with my wife. So bigger families interest me as a reader.)
Erin's feeling pressure, that's understandable. A human side to the character coming from a situation that isn't even her big day, but that of her sister's. Seems like her heart might be already with Aidan, if my prediction is true.
"I will in future", you forgot the word "The". Just letting you know. :)
Carver is blunt, eh? I usually like Blunt people, but I'm predicting that I won't like him. Haha, the dress squashing Lydia. I don't know why but that amuses me lol. Yeah, Erin indeed had been blind to the obvious feelings Graham had for her sister. Even I was thinking it seemed obvious, but considering how old he is, I was hesistant to say so. Aiden seems nice so far, though hard to be sure just yet. Hard to guage much off of him as a character for me so far as I read.
Carver trying to keep Erin away from Aiden? Interesting.. I wonder why he's so quick to threaten too. Ah, a love confession. Rather quickly timed, but perfectly apropriate situation for her to say it. The ending this time around was much better done by the way, it felt perfect. All in all, you give your characters a lot of personality and I appreciate the little things you do with that. It's off to a slow start, but then lately I've been switching to comics more so it's been awhile since I've sat with a good book like this, and some of the best stories have a start like this one so I don't think you have to worry about that part..could be more of a personal taste thing and I'm spoiled with instant gratification these days. (I've started reading 2 other books I bought recently other than reading yours on fictionpress though, I just have only read a few chapters of each and been taking breaks due to being busy lately.) All in all, a good job! :D
| ChrisRidgewayVoiceActor chapter 1 . 6/23/2016
Graham, Captain of the Kings Guard
You paint a beautiful picture of the beach in this chapter, which pleases me as I've always found the Beach Calming and the way you wrote it, I felt like I was actually there myself. You did well with Graham as well, you are better at painting a picture with your descriptions than I.
The King sounds like a highly likable man. The way you wrote him, I was thinking in the back of my mind "this guy's going to die." But I could totally be wrong lol I blame my fandom driven brain, as usually someone with as much admiration as your characters shown for him, suggests someone who is doomed to die lol. The value of the fact a weapon can kill is also a good moral for him to teach, as too often stories can get lost in all the action and the value of a human life is understated except when needed for dramatic affect. I liked that you brought attention to it before a battle has even taken place, probably partially foreshadowing something to come.
Reading the backstory of the two parents in sucking me in, that's for sure. I'm getting emersed into a good story.
Your transition between the nightfall and Lydian going to Erin's room at six in the morning could probably use some smoothing out. It just feels rather abrupt. I'm not sure if it's the structure or what, but I feel it could have some improvement. The ending also felt somewhat abrupt. Chapters should feel like they end one part of the tale, to prepare for the next part. Though that said, overall it was quite a good chapter! Very enjoyable reading!
| cynthiamonica chapter 9 . 5/9/2016
great chapter, although I do like reading about Erin and Carver more than about Graham, especially when he's not with Lydia. *wink wink*
anyway, can't wait for the next chapter! you're doing really good and I really want to read more of this story, so please update soon!
| Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 1 . 4/7/2016
This is quite intriguing I think :D I know that this is a cliché thing to say, but I found myself quite invested in this. It has much to do with your writing style – it's descriptive without being too overbearing or bland. In fact, I like the simplicity in your style; it flows reasonably well, and I think your prose really shines when it comes to describing your characters.
There is a lot of heart to this story? What I mean is that I can tell how much you care for the plot of the story, because the way you characterise Erin and her surroundings is full of cheekiness, warmth and humour. I especially like you depict the relationship Erin shares with Lydia: there is good-natured teasing there, and the concern of an older sister who does not quite want to grow up but has to.
Speaking of that, I think you handled the themes of having to marry for the sake of securing a good future quite well-handled. You did not handle it as oppressively as a few authors would, which I think was made obvious by the way Brianna seemed quite content with her lot (of course, it still is sudden, and there are hints that Erin wishes it could be different, but I do enjoy that there is no drama over it). I also like the hint that the girls / princesses are not forced to be overly 'feminine' or give up their outdoor habits for the sake of being good women/brides. In fact, I think it is refreshing that the queen and king let them, to some degree, do as they please.
Moreover, I really liked the backstory of how Erin's parents met, not only because it is a real love story, but because I think this will play a later role in the story. I also like how you characterise Erin's father; he seems stern, but you can tell that he cares for his family, and does not demand too much from his daughters. Maybe the only thing that I would be critical of is that you merely introduced the parents via telling us about them, but did not give us much direct interaction – if it was there, it could drowned out by the backstory. It is a little thing, but I would consider maybe adding a scene or two here, just to show how the parents interact with their children. It would be interesting, I think :)
I like Graham. He seems to be important, and silly me, is already considering whether he will be a romantic match for Erin. I think that this is mainly because of how you described his good looks (which I really liked hehe). I also really just enjoyed Erin, Lydia and Graham interacting together, because you could tell how close they were. Again, there was just a lot of warmth to that scene.
Hmm, as for critical comments or better said, just things that I think you may find worthwhile knowing: I think sometimes you add too much introspection in between the scenes. I personally don't mind it at all, but some readers may find that it slows down the story? I think it is a YMMV issue, anyhow. I di did not mind it too much because the musings on Erin part never took away from the dialogue or the main happenings in the story for me XD.
I hope it is obvious that I liked this :)
| Ventracere chapter 1 . 4/7/2016
Something that I think other reviewers pointed out, but I'm going to bring up is that I think you do tell us more than you show. You tell us that her amusement radiates off her figure. How does that happen? Is she smiling, giggling, laughing? There were also a couple hiccups when it came to some of your sentences. They didn't feel complete or sounded a bit off:
"Her amusement growing as the small wave broke, foaming water sliding up the sand" - do you mean her amusement grew?
"They scurried past him. Rushing to their rooms before anyone had time to scold them for such impertinent behaviour." This is another case I found that the sentence sounded like a fragment.
For me, this chapter was a bit dry. The emotion didn't really carry through for me; this may just be me though. The dialogue was good, but again, it was a bit dry. It might be because of all the introductions that we're trying to get used to as the first chapter. But kudos for you for trying to lay down the groundwork. You also have a couple errors here and there, but nothing too major. I'd just go through and make sure you can catch all the fragments so it doesn't break up the flow of the piece as much.
Thanks for the read!
| cynthiamonica chapter 8 . 4/7/2016
first of all, thank you for dedicading this chapter to me :D you are amazing as well ;)
second, love the chapter! I really look forward to seeing Carver and Erin interect more. still not over the fact that Lydia is dead, though. but I'm looking forward to the next chapters! give me some more Carver ;)
| cynthiamonica chapter 7 . 4/4/2016
Great chapter! Really can't wait to read more! Also can't wait for Erin to calm down a bit and for Carver to Be a little nicer. Please update soon! Love this story!
| cynthiamonica chapter 6 . 3/23/2016
sorry for the late review. I like the chapter and Carver is back, yay! maybe that sounds kind of weird, but I just love him ;D
and the part about Graham and Lydia broke my heart, how could you?! :(
please update soon ;)
| Victoria Best chapter 6 . 3/23/2016
Wow, I absolutely love this line, "think of where your loyalties should lie." Amazing line! Not only is it really powerful and thought provoking, it also says a lot about the character - there is more to Carver than this mindless killer. He genuinely thinks that he is doing the right thing, that he is following his loyalties, and everyone else isn't. Wow! Great characterisation. I'm really impressed. I didn't think, at first, that there was going to be so much depth to the character - struck me as quite one-dimensional, totally evil, but this shows there is more to him.
I also liked the development of Graham here. He was a bit neglected, but this chapter has definitely fleshed him out. I especially liked the line about him "walking briskly through the rain, wiping his face." Showed a vulnerable side to him - before he was quite brave, strong, and not much else. This shows there is a person hidden behind the strength.
Inches away? Have inches been invented / discovered in this medieval world? Make up your own form of measurement.
Don't use capital letters. Ever. Seriously. Please trust me on this - my first book had these in, and was criticised because of it. The it from first hand experience :p
I liked these lines! "Graham's bones were aching with cold" "Air was thick and smoky" and "Midst of rain and howling winds." Liked them! All very descriptive and allowed me to visualise.
Thanks for the morning read! Keep writing!
| Victoria Best chapter 5 . 3/23/2016
Hmm, I'm not quite so sure about this chapter. I agree with lookingwest, it seems strange to me to have the character's perspective and then have her die at the end. Does she die? The ending "how he death would surely tear them apart" indicated that she had died. If she hasn't died, then I would recommend removing that part, because it suggests that she has, which makes the piece bizarre (having a character's chapter, only to kill them off in the same chapter).
Some nice lines in this, like the, "burying the worry that had been festering inside her." I liked that! Rich description, enabling me to clearly visualise the worry. This is what I was talking about, with the showing and not telling. You showed us the festering of the worry, rather than just "she was worried."
I also liked the dialogue, like, "I think so. I wouldn't put it past her." That was a realistic line; I could imagine the character saying that.
I do have one question about this chapter - why do the characters seem so light-hearted and happy? Like, Aidan has just died. Not only is that totally horrific and really, really sad, but there could potentially be a war after this, as the characters mention. So why have such light-hearted lines in this? Like "that's an understatement, Albert," she laughed. And, "he smiled with good humour." Why? Why are they joking and laughing? Am I missing something here? I'm really confused. The dialogue in the whole chapter felt like this. I would really recommend going through and removing it, keeping only the parts we absolutely need, like the mention of the potential war. Otherwise it just seems really bizarre. When someone dies, it totally destroys a family.
| Victoria Best chapter 4 . 3/23/2016
This was a dramatic chapter! Liked it. It started off dramatic, with Aidan taking back his proposal, and then the ending was great, with the death of Aidan. Has he died? I'm intrigued, so great job with maintaining the suspense throughout. I do feel, however, like you are taking things a bit too fast. First we had the life-threatening scene with Lydia, and now with Aidan. But I don't really care about the characters just yet, you know? We hardly know them, only Erin, mainly. I think you need to go through, really enhancing your characters, so that when you put them in situations like this, we will genuinely feel for them and fear for them.
Again, be careful of telling. Some examples of this would be, "Which was exactly what Erin wanted" "she was sick of all the stress and tension" "she had woken in a good mood" and most of the ending, when you describe how she feels "empty." Show us she is feeling empty - maybe she feels cold, maybe she feels drained, maybe show her thought processes. You start doing this when you use the rhetorical questions, but it wasn't enough. She would be absolutely destroyed, more than just empty. She thinks Aidan, the man se loves, is dead. Really get into the mind of your character and put down their emotions, don't just tell us.
Get rid of some of your cliche lines, also, like "the sun was shining and the birds were singing" And some of the odd lines like "the sun felt marvellous on her skin," which sounds really strange, erring on pretentious.
Some strange formatting thing going on with "no words escaped Erin's lips" down to "at least I've spoken to father." Not sure what happened there. Make sure you are clicking 'preview' on all of your chapters on Fictionpress, so that you can see how they look on the screen.
Finally, I was confused as to why Aidan took back his proposal, just because of Carver. That seems a really dumb thing to do. If Aidan loves her, he should want to be with her. Why would he listen to him? I don't know, maybe you need more clarity here as to exactly WHY he needs to call off the proposal, because the way you have put it just makes me think that Carver said to him it was a bad idea, and he is listening to him which is not realistic.
Anyway, onto the next chapter I go. Keep writing!