|Reviews for Battles of a Total War|
| alltheeagles chapter 6 . 9/3/2016
I did enjoy the story! The old brave's pride came across strongly, and though his account was perhaps a little skewed towards the native Americans, it was a convincing description of how they won the battle. One phrase that I liked in particular was how he described the battle scars as adornment. I also liked that he didn't glorify the killing, yet managed to convey a sense of accomplishment in what they were able to do in the face of the well-armed foe.
I think the only suggestion I can make is perhaps to leave out the bit about starvation at the end - I think the old man would have wanted not to remember this bit. Or if you did include it, then with more reflection along the lines of 'we may have won the battle, but we lost the war in the end because the enemy had a greater force on their side - starvation, and close on its heels, disease. Know this, young one, that we were brought down not by men, but by things greater than any army.'
| alltheeagles chapter 5 . 8/9/2016
I have no preference either way when it comes to land or sea, but I do have a suggestion: a fantasy battle between orc and dragon or some such less-common pairing. Of course that might not fit with the theme of this series, if so just ignore me. A lion and a gladiator then, in the colesseum of Rome. Or two gladiators for that matter - a retiarus vs a berserker!
Also for this particular battle, I have a suggestion: depicting the two ships as two beasts, with the oars as their limbs, the arrows as their stingers or spines, etc
| Victoria Best chapter 4 . 8/9/2016
I really like this chapter! Again, I like that you have researched fully - there is context around the war, like the "merchants were afraid to travel the highlands" and travellers being robbed and pride suffering. Its these extra details that really add to the piece. The piece itself was well researched, with the feudal knights and what they were wearing and armed with, descriptions of the militia and spearmen, and the setting - the "rocky hilly ground" of the Highlands and its "dense forests."
The imagery was great also, I especially liked "cradled their wounds" and "toiled to bury their dead" and, like in the previous chapter, I like that you focus on more than just what the battle looked like - you focus on the sounds and smells too. I could feel the anger and frustration from the screams and war cries.
Loved this sentence! "Letting their arrows fly true."
I cheered at the end! The suspense and thrills were handled wonderfully, as always!
Thank you for this epic read!
| Victoria Best chapter 3 . 8/9/2016
Another great chapter filled with so much action! It was totally thrilling. You have written this expertly - there was not a single paragraph that made me confused or where the tension died down. It was strong and exciting and very well written from the opening sentence (which I loved! Brilliant way to grab the attention).
I think the opening was my favourite part because it just drew me in straight away. I love that we start with the action immediately. Gets the chapter on a strong point already.
I also love the parts where I can really see that you have done the research. You captured the French and the Spanish forces and the settings beautifully, especially the exotic Seville, and I really appreciate the time and effort that has gone into this.
The imagery was also strong throughout. I loved the booms like thunderclaps of the cannons. Very exciting scene and one of my favourites. I also liked the "crack of rifle fire" and "ragged cheer." All allowed my to perfectly picture the scene, and also show your intense research into the sights and sounds of war.
I found the plot of this story really great too. It's interesting to see that sometimes sheer numbers can defeat an army, even if the side isn't as strong. And when the British came rushing to the rescue, that was such a moment of emotion and you captured it perfectly.
Great job on this!
| Victoria Best chapter 2 . 8/9/2016
I remember reading the first chapter to this and loving it because the idea so original - having lots of stories about war, showing how it never really changes and seems quite endless. It has the potential to be a story about courage, strength, and human resilience and I'm really interested in seeing where it goes. Are you going to have war in the modern day as well? That would be really interesting to compare it with the past. This almost reminds me of Cloud Atlas in the way that there are all these stories through time that seem unlinked but actually are. So this has bestseller and big screen potential :D
Being from the UK, Celts vs Romans is something that's integral to our history, and I think you captured it really well! The goriness of the fights and the actions of the people, the moody, muddy countryside, the freezing blizzard, the fog that they can hardly see through. It altogether created a chilling, almost magical setting, which I loved, and asinshowed how dangerous their world was - if the war didn't kill you, the cold would. The imagery was super strong throughout and I like the pacing, the gradual suspense and then the full-on fight scenes. Loved this!
I would have liked a badass female in the Celts! Like Boudicca! But I guess that's just me being a girl :p
Anyway, great work on this!
| Crescent Moon Dancer chapter 5 . 8/4/2016
...Well. Besides being just a /little/ bit queasy now, that was fantastic! :D You did most excellently my friend, especially considering you didn't get to play this one. Fabulous job. :) I can't wait for more!
| alltheeagles chapter 4 . 7/20/2016
Yay, names and basic personal backgrounds! That's the way to immerse me into a battle scene. Indeed, any scene at all - I've learned that readers pay most attention when they care about characters, which is probably why I sometimes spend a little too much time on character development! But anyway, I liked this melee most of all just because it was about people (Domhnall and Arthuf) and not just roles (pikemen, archers). Once again, it's me who's the problem, looking for a story when this isn't supposed to be one. Sorry for being a pain.
| alltheeagles chapter 3 . 7/20/2016
I've come to the conclusion that I don't like melee scenes. It just doesn't grab my attention. I think if you followed a single soldier on either side of the battle lines and told the story of the battle through their eyes or from their perspectives, I'd be able to follow everything better. It'd be messier I suppose, but I always think of the narrator as a camera, so in the individual POV approach you could do an overhead pan, then a close-up, then another birds' eye pan, if you get what I mean...
| alltheeagles chapter 2 . 7/20/2016
I like this chapter better than the last one, EVENTHOUGH it's also about a battle and strategies and weapons. I want to know why this is too, so I've decided to analyse it. The possible reasons I can think of:
1) I happen to like Celtic culture - Druids and all that, and also the Romans in ancient Britain
2) There are more 'personal touches' like dialogue
3) You also talk about the fighters' reactions at individual level rather than referring to them en masse or anonymously
There ya go... now we both know what kind of fighting scene I like!
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 7/20/2016
The style here is definitely different from your fantasy pieces. On the plus side, it's clear, accurate (as far as I can tell) and organised. I also like how you manage to insert a certain lyricism even though you're describing manouvers and weapons. However (and this is entirely because of my background and personal tastes) it's not really my cup of tea, simply because it's missing a human element for me. I want to know the stories behind the numbers, the people behind the faceless ranks. But that is really not a fault because you're writing this for an entirely different purpose, and I'm just trying to push a square peg into a round hole.
| Crescent Moon Dancer chapter 4 . 7/19/2016
*Cheers wildly, beaming through the tears that run down my face* So beautiful...so, so beautiful! _ This is, without a doubt, my favorite story of yours, and I especially love this chapter. (I think you know why. ;) Now I want to go watch the video again - it was such an epic battle! Perfect chapter my friend. Just wonderful.
| Crescent Moon Dancer chapter 3 . 6/30/2016
You know, it's really hard to review this story, because I just can't find the words to express how fabulous it is and how much I love it. You should write more war stories, they're your best writing. *_*
| Crescent Moon Dancer chapter 2 . 5/25/2016
Ahhh, just as riveting and thrilling as the first chapter! :D I just love this story soooo much! _ Although I have to admit, given a choice between Romans and Celts, I'd be on the side of the Celts. :l But I still love this story. So very magnificent!
| Victoria Best chapter 1 . 4/8/2016
Wow, I love this idea! Of just documenting war, and the idea that "empires rise and fall, but war never changes." What a powerful, amazing idea! Really impressive :D I also think this is quite a unique idea - I haven't seen something like this before, especially the idea of putting it in different perspectives. Very original and it's an idea that has so much potential - you could literally do anything with it. Any environment, any character, any perspective... Possibilities are endless and I'm super excited to seeing where you are going to go with it! :D I'm hoping for at least one set in the snow! Through a blizzard or something. Like the war at Hardhome in Game of Thrones :D That would be awesome :D
I also like the research you have put into this - how the army would be structured, where the different soldiers would stand, what they would be armed with, how they would wield their weapons, etc. Always great to see when a writer has done their research! And I love the elephants! Definitely added an exciting, exotic feel to this battle.
One comment - 1,400 men strong isn't a particularly big army. Robb Stark in Game of Thrones had an army of about 100, 000. Also would have liked something stronger than "a very big one." Something more descriptive to give me a better sense of what the army looked like would have been awesome here.
Liked these lines! "Whirled their weapons over their heads" "earthshattering charge" and "storm of arrows." Really strong writing! And especially liked that last line!
Really enjoyed it. Keep writing!
| Crescent Moon Dancer chapter 1 . 3/20/2016
*Bursts into starry-eyed applause* Riveting! Absolutely riveting! :D You did so well with capturing the excitement and adrenaline and emotion of the battle, and it was just all around amazing! Brilliant! _
And I have to admit, I cracked up at the footnote. xDxDxD