|Reviews for The Melancholy of a Shoehorned Protagonist|
| cud-b-better chapter 1 . 4/13/2016
Well its not a bad start but I feel the Yukiko's ranting goes on a bit too long where it makes you wonder when is the story going to move forward. Although I think you did a good job in showing her character what with the comparisons etc. It was also a good ending line that draws attention and makes a reader ask just how. Anyway so so start I felt some of it was a bit difficult to understand unfortunately though.
| hazelnutbrew chapter 1 . 4/8/2016
This was an intriguing first chapter. I think that you've got a well defined character voice here, and I definitely love her tangents. I'm curious about this Yukiko person, because I sense that there is something more to her and I'm also curious about Yumeko's aversion to her. Of course, I know that people want to see seemingly perfect people have a bad day or screw up to make them human, and even though Yukiko seems like she's perfect, I feel that there's a twist to this and not everything that it seems. After all, Yukiko is apparently the cause of Yumeko's plight, and I'm curious to see how this all plays out. A solid start, I say, and the character voice is distinctive and I love her personality. I think that she's a fitting protagonist, despite the fact that she desperately wishes to not be the protagonist. You've got a good hook here, and I'm intrigued to read more and find out more about this story!
| ImpaledK chapter 1 . 3/30/2016
Gotta read the second chapter when I actually have time without interruptions on Skype... but from what I read here there aren't many obvious issues. I'd say that the long sentence in the beginning could do with some editing and chopping though...
| cmaej chapter 2 . 4/1/2016
Would you push the button if...
You're given a special artifact that channels luck and gives you great life success with little effort...
Every ten people you met instantly hates your guts.
I think Yumeko pressed the button and now that she's rich and famous, those 10th people who met her are now in the thousands. All the Hate Yumeko forums must be brutal. lol
| cmaej chapter 1 . 3/30/2016
Mia! What the hell is this!?
What is this!?
Waltzing in, pretending you know nothing about writing, asking about first-person and ramblings...
I read this on my cell phone on my lunchbreak, and chuckled outloud. I can literally see Yukiko gulping down haterade by a three-gallon jug the moment she laid eyes on Yumeko.
Spend more money on hair products than on food? LOL I feel for Yukiko there. I rarely go to a saloon. ;-;
There was a moment where we spoke on Skype, and I said that the Line Break forum didn't count. I was going to go further with the joke my saying it was that abortion that no one talks about. However, I didn't say it because I wasn't sure if you would be comfortable.
But then I get dark humor in the second paragraph! XD
Oh, Mia. You're not safe, now. Hue.
Seriously, though. If Yumeko will be Yukiko's love interest, then why there is not F/F tag? Or is Yukiko the one jumping to conclusions? I totally see her doing that. lol o.O
| M.R. Hill chapter 1 . 3/30/2016
Alright, I absolutely enjoyed this opening chapter! It has a really great flow to it and you do an excellent job at 1st person dialogue. Yukiko is easily the most neurotic character I've ran into on FP and I love her for it. You do an excellent job of having sentences do more than 1 thing, such as when you have her describing and comparing - what with us both getting surface appearances for Yumeko and showing us more of her personality - or with how you really do an excellent job making her appear to be an unreliable narrator from the very first line. She's clearly a deeply flawed character, but in an entertaining way that makes me laugh and I find fascinating to follow. This left a good first impression on me, I so want more!
| Link's Princess12 chapter 1 . 3/28/2016
Omg this is amazing fell in love the minute I starting reading you have an interesting concept going on I'm looking toward to more chapters keep up the good work :)