Reviews for Soft Machine
Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 4/14/2016
This has a lot of great single lines in it, but it doesn't feel cohesive. More song, less poem, I guess.

Anyway, the parts that stood out to me were "your sperm's in the gutter your love's in the sink", "I'm a bad dream that I just had today", and "I may make you feel but I can't make you think." That last one in particular has a lot of power invested in it, and I wish it was unpacked a bit more. It could hold up a poem all on its own.

There's also a few places here where the wording felt a bit awkward - although maybe that's only when it's being read from a page. My gut feeling is that if someone rapped this, it would sound perfectly natural.

"Your suntan does rapidly peel" felt too much like the words had been shuffled out of their natural order to meet the rhyme scheme, and both times you use "your wise men don't know how it feels to be as thick as a brick", both the original and the callback, don't feel like they're really saying anything, both in their context and in general.

Overall, I think I'm experiencing Soft Machine in a format it wasn't really built for. It's good, but it wants to be music, and as that I think it would be better.
atalantea chapter 1 . 4/3/2016
This sounds like it could/should be a song. :)

Good and interesting oxymorons. Strangely rhythmic. I like the suntan line best for some reason.

Keep writing!
Atalantea